“Are you okay?”
Koda’s self-hatred ebbed as Felix’s hand slid across the small of his back. Still, Koda spoke his thoughts despite his self-loathing disappearing at Felix’s touch. “I don’t know why I’m like this.”
“How do you mean?” Felix kept finding ways to touch Koda. His caresses kept the confessions rolling.
“Like with Zayn. I don’t want him. Not really. Why did I lead him to believe—even for a minute—that I do? In fact, if you hadn’t texted me today, I’d probably be in his bed right now, wrecking a lifelong friendship between our families. I just don’t understand why I’m so cold and self-destructive.”
A soft chuckle stroked his ears. Felix rubbed Koda’s hand between his. “Do you really think I’m the person to ask? I fuck up everything outside of my job, because I always feel too much.”
“Well, I don’t feel enough.” Even Koda heard the petulance in his voice. He didn’t want to turn bitter.
Felix took a step closer. Koda could feel the heat from Felix’s body. Felix’s hands landed on Koda’s hips, freeing Koda to set his palms on Felix’s chest. It was nice. He didn’t feel intimidated the way he had with Zayn.
“What do you think would happen if we pitted my overabundance of emotions against your lack of caring?”
Despite the seriousness of their discussion, a smile touched Koda’s lips. “I’d probably swallow you whole in my cavern of bullshit.”
Felix shuffled even closer. Their bodies nearly touched. Koda wanted it to happen. “Or I’d fill you up until you choked on my neediness.”
God. Koda wanted to choke. “Try me. I bet you can’t change me.”
“Deal.”
Koda blinked, coming back to reality. “What?”
“Do you want to tell your mom or should I?”
Koda’s confusion grew by the second. “Tell her what?”
“That we’re dating,” Felix said, sounding triumphant as hell.
“Wait…”
The final inch disappeared between them while Koda still tried to finish his thoughts. Everything flew from his head as Felix’s lips touched his. Felix didn’t wait for permission the way Zayn had. He bit Koda’s bottom lip, demanding to be let in. Koda felt the shift in power. Felix was in control. His kiss was sexy as fuck. It was carnal. Felix held Koda’s face and stole his will. By the time Felix pulled away, Koda knew he had lost, but he still tried to fight.
“I’ve never exclusively dated anyone.”
“Well, you are now.”
Koda wanted to argue, but no words came. Instead, he found himself in Felix’s arms again. He couldn’t say he hadn’t been the one to pull Felix toward him. Fuck his life. They were dating.
Two
Since they had sneaked out without telling anyone goodbye last night, Koda had escaped telling his mom he had a boyfriend. Unfortunately, Koda hadn’t been able to slip away from his thoughts. Felix had driven him home. The ride had been a silent one, with Koda trapped in his thoughts. Then Felix had insisted on walking Koda to his door. His first thought had been to use the opportunity to end this game. Instead, Koda had found himself backed against his front door in a heated exchange that had him begging Felix to fuck him. That hadn’t happened either. Felix had left him at the door, panting, hard as a rock, and with the promise of seeing him today. The night had been a long one.
Koda had swung wildly all night between breaking things off before he got hurt and seeing where this went. By the time Felix arrived at his door to spend the day with him, Koda’s mind was set. He didn’t want a boyfriend. He opened the door, definite in that decision. Then Felix was there.
Koda forgot his plan. “Hey.”
“Hey back,” Felix said, overcoming him. Koda welcomed him with open arms as Felix’s mouth covered his. Damn. He smelled good and tasted even better. Koda didn’t understand why they always came together so hot and heavy. They had known each other for years. How had they ignored each other before now?
Felix backed away a hair and tried speaking between kisses. “I’m sorry. I didn’t plan to fall on you like this. Mhmm.” He openly fought to regain control while stealing another kiss. “I’m taking you on a proper date. I’m stopping.” He pushed away from Koda as if he had to force himself to stop kissing him. He could hear Felix panting. It was empowering as hell. “You’re not wearing your sunglasses.”
Koda glanced around, as if he could really see where he left them. His stomach muscles clenched with dread. The lust immediately disappeared. “Yeah. Sorry about that. I should find those.”
Felix grabbed his chin and stole another kiss. “Why? You have gorgeous eyes. I like staring at them.”
One of Koda’s insecurities melted away at Felix’s confession. “I’ve been told I’m unnerving when I look at people. You know, since I’m not really seeing anything beyond shadows.”
“Huh,” Felix said, sounding stumped. “Sounds like one of those bullshit things men do to make you feel like less, so they feel like more, to me. You should leave them off.”
Koda wasn’t sure he was ready for that leap. He would leave them off for Felix, but he would keep them nearby just in case he felt self-conscious. “Where are we going?”
“On my boat. So you should change and maybe grab a bag.”
Koda didn’t react right away. He didn’t have many insecurities about being blind, but boats were one of them. “Um, so I don’t really…” He thought better of his confession. The only thing Koda disliked more than the idea of being trapped alone in the middle of the ocean without even his sight to help him was anyone knowing his insecurities. “Okay. Give me a few.” He paused. “What are you wearing for reference?”
“Swim trunks and a tank top.”
Koda dipped his chin and headed for his bedroom. This was not how he had planned to spend his day. Not that he would complain, because that wasn’t him. He also knew he could say no. Felix wouldn’t force him to go, but people didn’t offer to take him places very often. Koda felt of his clothes, found what he was looking for, and changed. He also packed an overnight bag because he would not be a poor sport about this. Koda could do anything anyone else could do. That included dating a sexy music producer. A smile exploded across Koda’s face. His mom had assured him of both things—he could do anything, and Felix was sexy. Koda fought a laugh. He was too positive for his own good sometimes. He found humor in everything.
Koda headed back out to the living room.