Dad stared at me for a while, his eyes filled with pain. “So, if she came back to you, would you take her back?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“But would you?”
I shook my head and gave a shrug. “No, not now. But before, like six months ago…maybe.”
Dad stared at me in silence, not passing judgment, at least not verbally.
“This is in a scenario where she apologizes to me and says it was the biggest mistake of her life. You know, shows up at my doorstep in tears and begs me to change my mind, an admission that our relationship was as perfect as I remember it being…”
He clearly didn’t know what to say.
“But it doesn’t matter, because obviously, it wasn’t real. She’s committing to some other guy for the rest of her life, telling him she loves him every day, having his kids, moving on with her life like it isn’t her second marriage, but her first.” I stared at the rug between my feet, half living in the past, half living in the moment.
“So, this doesn’t affect you and Sicily?”
The mention of her name made me look up. “I ended things.”
He stared me down, his eyebrows slightly lifted in disappointment.
“I have nothing to offer her, so I didn’t want to waste her time anymore.”
“That’s not true. You have a lot to offer her.”
“No, I don’t,” I said quickly. “I’m not interested in ever giving my heart to another person. I’m not interested in marriage, in having a family, and frankly, I’m incapable of it. The last thing I would ever do is trust someone again. Catherine’s engagement just makes me realize that I’m not ready—and I’ll never be ready.”
Dad dropped his gaze and rubbed his hands together.
“All I feel toward Sicily is regret. She’s such an amazing person, and I was a selfish asshole who couldn’t resist her. I should have respected her. I should have done the right thing by her. But I didn’t.”
“I disagree with that. You tried to move on.”
“But I always knew, in the back of my mind, that I would never be able to.”
“Because you needed more time—”
“Because I wasn’t ready.”
He released a quiet sigh.
“If I were ready, Catherine’s engagement wouldn’t bother me. As pathetic as it is, I’m still in the same place I was a year ago. Still heartbroken, still fucked in the head, still…traumatized.”
Two
Sicily
I held my head high and maintained as much dignity as I could muster when I was around him, but behind closed doors, I was a mess.
Completely blindsided.
I didn’t expect Dex and me to be serious anytime soon, and I knew it would take a long time for us to get where I wanted—probably years—and I was absolutely fine with that. I was absolutely fine having a man with baggage, taking things slow because he was still newly divorced. I would be patient for a lifetime. I was fine being with a man who wasn’t really over his ex. I just tried not to think about it. Men like Dex didn’t pop up very often, and I knew I had to swoop in instead of waiting for someone else to take my place.
But it was a risk…and I lost everything.
Catherine took her stupidity a step further and decided to marry someone else.
Who the hell could ever compare to Dex Hamilton?
Was she marrying a woman? Because that was the only thing that could possibly make sense.
I spent my evenings on the couch, surrounded by wet tissues…and not the good kind. I ordered in a lot, watched TV, worked on my laptop while trying to ignore the fact that I worked for Dex, the man who broke my heart.
But maybe it was my fault.
Maybe I brought this on myself.
I shouldn’t have stepped into the office and basically professed my undying love for him.
So fucking stupid.
After he saw his last patient of the day, I escorted them to the front desk and gave them a rundown of what the next steps would be. Then I walked them to the elevator, said goodbye, and when I returned to the desk, Andrea departed for the day.
After the final patient was gone, she had no professional purpose, so there was no reason for her to stay. I let the cleaners in so they could vacuum the lobby and the couches and sanitize the patient rooms.
I knew Dex ate another dinner later in the evening at his apartment, but he had a big appetite, so I always brought him food at the end of the day. He must burn all those calories with his brilliant mind.
I set the tray on his table, a veggie burrito stuffed with roasted vegetables and black beans with a little bit of cheese inside. He wasn’t a picky eater, but I tried to give him balanced nutrition so he wouldn’t eat shit all the time. His perfect body was created in the gym, apparently. “I have all the billing information for the month if you want to go over that.”
He’d stopped being an asshole and treated me the way he did before, always giving me attention when I asked for it, making eye contact, and making me feel like a colleague rather than an assistant who worked for him.
“Unless you have other priorities that require your attention…” It was a bit awkward whenever we interacted, and it would probably always be a little uncomfortable. This man had seen me naked, had fucked me, had made me come more times in a few days than some of my lovers did in months. That was another shitty thing about this. Whenever I started to see someone new, they were guaranteed to be a disappointment.
“No, it’s fine.” He turned to his food and started to eat while I took a seat in front of his desk. “After all the expenses for the month, plus whatever we collected from insurance, the accountant said this is what you’re left with.” I placed the papers on his desk. Even when Dex provided most of his services pro bono, he still pulled in an incredible salary. Just having a couple patients pay in full made his bank account fat. It made me realize that other surgeons who didn’t care to do so much volunteer work were really rolling in the dough, but Dex didn’t care about that.
He glanced at the paper and kept eating. “Okay.”
His paycheck was almost a million dollars, and he didn’t seem to care. “If everything looks okay, I’ll have the accountant initiate the direct deposits.”
“That’s fine.” He pushed the papers back toward me.
“You know, you don’t seem that excited about this…”
“Because I’m still broke.” He cut into his burrito then stabbed a few veggies with his fork. “Every check goes to paying for this place until my debt is repaid.” He continued to eat.
“I’m sure your parents don’t expect you to reimburse them as quickly as possible.”
“I’m sure they don’t expect me to pay them back at all, but I just want to be done with it. I don’t need much money anyway. My apartment is paid off, so I don’t have a mortgage anymore.”
It wasn’t my place to give him advice about his finances, so I let it be. While other surgeons were driving their fancy cars and going on big vacations, Dex was working nonstop, indifferent to the money he could be spending on himself. “Alright. I’ll talk to the accountant.”