‘I think we can pretty much sort that out on the phone,’ Joe cut in. ‘I’d better go.’ He nodded towards the rear exit. ‘I have someone waiting.’
‘Your friend,’ she said with an enigmatic smile.
‘That’s right.’ Giving her another short smile back, he turned away.
‘I’ll ring you,’ she called after him.
‘Do that,’ he said. He didn’t look back. He had no intention of making small talk with the woman who’d ripped his heart from inside him. He wanted to move on.
He was leading Ollie away from the bench ready to play football when he noticed Courtney coming out of the pub, also via the rear entrance. She stopped, looking actually sad as she glanced from Sarah to Ollie, whose hand Joe had firmly in his, and then back to him. Was that what the flash of regret he’d seen was all about, he wondered; the fact that she’d realised she might have wanted kids after all, a family? Wasn’t likely to have them with the hotshot, was she? Might cramp his style.
‘Who was that?’ Sarah asked, noticing him watching her as she headed off.
‘No one,’ Joe said, turning his attention back to Ollie. ‘Just someone I thought I knew. Turns out I didn’t.’
Three
Sarah
She actually had managed to embarrass him. Joe had looked taken aback when, once Ollie was tucked safely in bed with his snuggle bunny, she’d slipped between him and the coffee maker and pressed her mouth over his. He’d soon reciprocated, his tongue finding hers, his hands tracing the contours of her body. When they’d paused for breath, though, the look in his eyes had been troubled. ‘Are you sure about this?’ he’d asked worriedly.
‘Yes. Why? Aren’t you?’ Thinking he might not fancy her any more, that he was just trying to be a friend to her when she needed one, Sarah had felt her self-esteem plummet.
‘Of course I am,’ he’d said softly, undeniable heat now in his eyes. ‘It’s just … Don’t you think it might be a little too soon, for you, I mean?’
‘No, absolutely not,’ she’d assured him, her mouth drawn greedily back to his, her hands finding his buttons, the firm flesh under his shirt. She’d practically undressed him.
And now here she was in her kitchen in the cold light of the morning after, wondering what on earth she’d been thinking. Turning on the kitchen tap, she filled a glass with water and glugged it down. She liked Joe, a lot. So why the bloody hell had she compromised him?
The sex had been amazing, for her anyway, no-holds-barred passionate. She hadn’t seen exploding white lights in a long time. Tracing her spine softly with his thumb as he’d held her afterwards, he’d said he’d often thought of her, wondering what might have been if they’d stayed together. He clearly did still care for her, possibly wanted more than the occasional date. But Sarah wasn’t sure she could give more. Not yet. She had a child and it complicated things. Ollie would be confused, imagining she’d moved a new man into his life to replace his father.
Steve hadn’t had any such qualms, though, had he? A fresh sense of dismay washed through her as she recalled the text he’d sent her telling her he was busy making plans for a future without her. Who was she, she wondered, this woman he’d fallen so quickly in love with? Sarah had no doubt she would be everything she herself wasn’t: slim, confident, beautiful, with perfectly behaved hair. Her hand went to her own hair, a mad crop of mousy curls that refused to be tamed no matter what she did.
Stop. She pulled herself up, determined not to go down that road. Her self-esteem was obviously flagging again.
Whoever this woman was, and however suddenly involved with her Steve was, surely he didn’t think she would just hand Ollie over to her care knowing nothing about her? A pang of guilt tugged at her conscience as she realised she should have mentioned that she’d become involved with Joe. The difference was, though, that she knew Joe; she’d practically grown up with him. She would trust him implicitly with her son. This woman had only recently come into Steve’s life. How much of her history did he actually know? And why the urgent need to introduce her to Ollie? She wouldn’t let him use their son, involve him in his life only when it suited him to make him look good. She huffed self-righteously, and then immediately felt bad. Steve would never do anything to hurt Ollie. If anyone was using someone, it was her.
Her eyes flicked to the ceiling. She could hear Joe moving around, obviously up and getting dressed. Sending Steve a quick message – We need to have a chat. Will call you – she glugged another glassful of water, attempting to dilute the wine she’d consumed last night, and then dashed up the stairs.
Meeting Joe coming out of her bedroom, his shoes in his hand and clearly making an effort not to wake Ollie, she couldn’t help but smile.
Seeing her, his mouth curved into a warm smile back. ‘Shh,’ he said, pressing a finger to his lips and nodding towards the room where her little boy slept.
She beckoned him away from Ollie’s door. ‘Thanks, Joe,’ she said.
‘No problem. I thought you wouldn’t want Ollie to know about us yet.’
Sarah dropped her gaze. ‘No,’ she mumbled, looking uncomfortably back at him. ‘Not yet.’
Joe’s smile faded. ‘I, er, take it you’re not desperate for a repeat performance then?’ he asked awkwardly.
Oh God, she’d hurt his feelings. ‘It’s not that, Joe. It’s just …’
‘Don’t beat yourself up, Sarah, I get it,’ he said as she fumbled for the right words. ‘Sex on the rebound is never a great idea. I, er, should probably go. Duty calls.’ Nodding past her to the stairs, he smiled again, a heartbreakingly sad smile this time.
‘It wasn’t on the rebound,’ she said quickly. ‘Joe, please don’t feel …’ Crushed, that was how he looked. ‘It’s not that I don’t want this … us.’
Joe glanced down to the hand she’d placed on his arm. ‘Are you sure about that, Sarah? You hit the wine pretty hard after receiving that text.’
She had. She’d promised herself she would only have one more, and it had turned into two, and then another once they’d got back. Joe obviously thought it was something to do with Steve. Hand on heart, Sarah couldn’t say that it wasn’t. She tried to rescue the situation. ‘I just need a little time to make sure Ollie’s okay with things. He’s had so many changes in his life recently. Can you be patient with me, do you think?’
Joe closed his eyes, looking relieved. ‘Of course I can. I do understand. I know you have Ollie to consider and I don’t want to push it. I wouldn’t dream of it. Look, I’ll call you, shall I? In a couple of days, maybe?’ His expression was hopeful.
Sarah thought about it. Her emotions were all over the place, but could it really hurt to see Joe discreetly? ‘Or I could call you?’ she suggested. ‘Tonight, possibly? There’s no harm in talking on the phone, is there?’
‘No harm at all,’ he assured her, a playful twinkle in his eye. ‘As long as you can’t read what might be going on in my mind.’