I try not to be jealous of all the things Patrick can provide, but it’s hard sometimes.
“Just make sure if you’re going to play your game, you’re doing it out here. I know how wrapped up in it you can get, and I don’t need your father knocking on the door for several minutes disturbing the neighbors.”
I’ve received that complaint before from the always-angry lady next door, and I don’t care to get it again. I have other things to be worried about.
“I will.”
“Good.” I press my hands against my stomach. “Okay, how do I look?”
I opted for a simple yet trendy outfit for the night out: an off-the-shoulder, long-sleeved silky dark pink blouse plucked straight from a mannequin at the small boutique I work at, a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans, and black booties. It’s nothing that will turn heads, but it’s cute enough to get me through a couple of hours with my friends as we nurse a drink or two and complain about life.
“Beautiful.”
I grin at him because he’s not saying it to be a kiss-ass. He’s just that sweet. “That’s why you’re my favorite kid.”
“I’m your only kid.” He sighs like he’s exhausted by me.
“Thank god, too. I couldn’t handle another one of you.” I cross the room and wrap my arms around him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. He grumbles, trying to wiggle out of my embrace. “Love you. Be good for your dad. Text me when he picks you up, please.”
Patrick’s supposed to do that too, but he always forgets.
Sam never does.
“Love you too,” he mutters, and I tousle his hair as he tries to shove my hand away, but I don’t miss the grin forming at the corners of his mouth.
He might almost be thirteen and is convinced he’s a grown-up, but he’s a momma’s boy at heart. He always has been. We bonded during all the years I stayed at home with him.
I grab my purse off the hook by the door and slip it over my body, then give myself one more glance in the mirror.
I tousle my own hair and smooth down my shirt again.
Eh, good enough.
I’m not trying to impress anyone tonight. I just want to drink and have fun with River.
I need a break. Need to let loose.
I will not think about how I only have weeks to find a place to live.
Drinks. I need drinks.
I’ve known River White since we were eight years old. We’ve been best friends since the day she moved into the house next door and have been through every major life event together. We run a business together. See each other almost every day.
There is no doubt she knows me better than anyone else in this entire world.
So why she believes I want to go for drinks at a hole-in-the-wall, dingy sports bar is beyond me.
But here I am, pulling open the door to Hole in One and stepping into the crowded room. Almost all the tables are occupied, and I only spy a few empty spots at the bar.
I do a quick sweep, not seeing River anywhere, then head toward the bar, squeezing onto one of the few empty stools and flagging down the bartender. He nods, letting me know he’ll be with me in a moment, and returns his attention to the couple in front of him.
I pull my phone out of my purse and shoot off a message to River.
Me: Are you sure you told me the right place? There’s A LOT of sports crap on these walls…
River: Unfortunately, yes. Dean loves it for some godforsaken reason.
River: GIF of Judge Judy rolling her eyes
River: We’re running a little late, just so you know…
River: SORRY
Me: You’re totally having sex, aren’t you?
River: Well, not right now, no.
River: But we might have…
Me: GIF of Rachel from Friends saying I’m so happy and not at all jealous
River: You know you love me.
Me: Right now? You’re like my fourth favorite person.
River: Top 5, baby!
River: Be there soon. *kissy-face emoji*
I set my phone to vibrate and slide it back into my purse to resist any temptation to spend the whole evening on it being disappointed when I come up empty-handed.
The cab ride here was spent scrolling through apartments, and I only came up with one new listing in a place on the line of the school district. I bet if I made enough of a stink, I could keep Sam in his current school. I filled out the application and sent up a prayer.
It’s about all I can do right now—keep hoping something lands in my lap. Positive energy and all that mumbo jumbo.
The only thing I’m positive about right now is needing a drink.
Where the hell is the bartender?
I spot him at the other end of the bar, talking with a different customer now. He looks like he’s going to be a while. I let my eyes drift over the sports-focused establishment.
The walls are littered with memorabilia that means nothing to me. Sam loves sports and even played football this school year. They may interest my kid, but I still can’t seem to get into them—not that it stops me from going to every single game and being the loudest mom on the sidelines.
I shift my gaze, doing another sweep in case River has arrived.
Nothing.
But what I do notice has my shoulders shrinking, and that familiar feeling of sadness hits me in the gut.
There are couples snuggled up in every corner.
One guy leans into a beautiful blonde, brushing his lips across her cheek and to her ear. She giggles, leaning into him and clutching his thigh.
Two guys sit with their heads together at a booth in the back, their smiles full of promises of what’s to come.
I’m so damn destitute for romance of any kind, and jealousy and longing run through me.
I spent my formative years with the same man who got me pregnant at sixteen, Patrick, and we were together for eleven years. Though we’ve now been divorced for two, I haven’t dated anyone since him. Haven’t slept with anyone either. Hell, I haven’t kissed anyone since him.
Lonely is my middle name at this point.
It could be hormones and all the stress of this apartment fiasco, but I’ve been extra miserable about the state of my love life—or lack thereof—since my two best friends have found that once-in-a-lifetime kind of love in the last six months.
I watch River and Dean bicker and argue—then make up within two minutes. Watch Caroline and Cooper, who have been best friends for a decade, stare at each other with nothing but hearts in their eyes.
I want that.
I want to know what it’s like to be loved again. Want to feel what they’re feeling, that rush when someone looks at you like you’re their whole world. I miss being part of a couple. Miss all the cutesy shit and all the romantic gestures.
I want it again.
“Disgusting, isn’t it?”
A deep voice startles me, and I glance at the now occupied stool next to me.
A guy is sitting there, staring out at the crowd, scanning it.
The first thing I notice is how tall he is. I’m not lacking in the height department, but even sitting down I can tell this guy is at least six inches taller than I am.
I tip my head back, peering up at his profile.
His jaw is strong and sharp, dusted with hair like he forgot to shave. There’s a bump along his nose, like he’s broken it before, and I have the strangest urge to ask him what happened. Ridiculous since I don’t know him.