Kennedy’s eyes misted over, and it took every bit of strength in my body not to start crying with her. I’d shed so many tears in the last five years that I didn’t have any left. Not for this.
“But, Parker.” She sniffled. “That’s no way to live. You’re not supposed to make yourself miserable because of a life that you should have lived, for a man that’s not here anymore.”
That’s about the moment I realized my mistake. Before I could say anything about it, Kennedy slid across the couch and pulled me into her arms.
“You weren’t in love with Danny, I get that. But you don’t have to live your life waiting for his ghost to tell you to move on. That's not honoring him.”
As gently as I could, for fear of bringing back the throbbing headache that I’d had earlier, I extricated myself from her hold and tried not to scream at her. Kennedy didn’t know the truth about that night. No one did. And I didn’t think anyone ever would.
“Kennedy,” I chided the way only a mother could. “I’m not giving up my life because Danny is dead. Do you know how hard it is to make any time for myself even now? Let alone when Nox was an infant. I’m going to live my life, and Danny’s parents knew we weren’t in love. I’m pretty sure Rose is trying to find me a husband as we speak. That’s not why I’m telling you this.”
Kennedy wiped her eyes, staring at me with all the confusion I’d normally expect from one of the drunk women who came to Lucy’s and not her. “Then why are you telling me this?”
I cleared my throat and closed my eyes while pinching my lips together. “Because… Once upon a time, I made a mistake by choosing to spend my time with the wrong man, Kennedy. The wrong one. And it completely altered my life’s path. I do not regret having Nox, or the life I’ve had. Nor do I regret the love that Danny had for me. But that doesn’t mean that I want you to make the same choices that I made.”
When she started to connect the dots, the righteous indignation Kennedy was known for came roaring to life. She pulled back, staring at me like I didn’t know a thing about what was going on.
“You don’t know anything.” Her words lashed out like a whip. “And your story isn’t anything like mine. Don’t even try to compare them.”
“Linc may not be my brother by blood, or by marriage anymore,” I went on, forcing her to listen to reason. “But he’s my brother all the same. I grew up with him too, Kennedy. I saw the way he loves you. The way he would move when you came into a room. And it wasn’t until he heard that you were getting serious with Royal that he came home.”
Kennedy sat completely still, staring at me like I’d torn her heart out of her chest and made her eat it in front of me.
“Stop.” Her voice came out shattered, broken. “Just. Stop.” She stood up carefully, each step measured and calculated as she struggled to keep her emotions in check. “I’ve spent years trying to move on from him. Linc and I weren’t ever together, Parker.” Kennedy turned to me with tears in her eyes, and I had to stop myself from taking it all back.
“You’re my best friend, Kennedy,” I told her bluntly. “And I love you. I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy,” she said simply. The small tremble in her shoulders contradicted her, but I didn’t call her out on it. “Or … I’m trying to be happy, Parker. I’m trying. Royal isn’t Linc. Not by a long shot. But he’s here. And he isn’t running away from me. He’s here.”
The desolation, the conviction to her choice, pushed through and I saw something I never thought I’d see on Kennedy’s face. She wasn’t just accepting her choice. She was desperate for it to work.
“I want a family,” she whispered. “I want someone to love me the way Danny loved you. I want to have a baby. To have those late nights in bed together, dreaming of our future. And I won’t get that with Linc. Royal?” Kennedy leaned back slightly and sighed deeply. “Royal is willing to give me those things.”
Fuck. I’d fucked it up. “I’m so sorry,” I said quietly. “I was just trying to make sure you didn’t make a mistake, Kennedy. I had no clue.”
She smiled, a watery and forgiving smile, as she smacked her lips together. “You wouldn’t know, Parker. I didn’t even tell my sister. After Cassie died and everything in my life changed, I stopped wasting time, you know? I don’t want to miss out on life because I’m waiting for it to happen to me. I’m going to be someone that happens to life, ya know? I’m going to sing and dance and live a life that makes the people around me sit up and pay attention and envy my happiness.”
Her words, just like before, hit me hard.
Is that what I’ve been doing?
“You can’t live like you have been, Parker.” Kennedy smiled sadly at me. “You’re here, but you’re not living. You’re going through the motions. It’s time.”
Like a veil had been lifted from my eyes, I saw my life for what it was. Kennedy was right. I’d been living as a martyr for the past five years. Even if I lied to myself and said I didn’t have time for romance let alone anything else.
“Holy shit,” I whispered in awe. “I need to change my life, too.”
Kennedy grabbed her sandwich off the couch and took a big bite. “Yeah, you do. And to make plans, we’re gonna need a bottle of vodka to go with the food.” She stared at me for a second with her eyes narrowed. “Can you even have vodka right now?”
With a shrug, I headed for the liquor cabinet in the kitchen.
“I think I need at least one drink. We’re talking about some heavy shit here tonight.”
8
Remy
Emma Hayes stood in front of Parker’s house, pounding on the front door with both hands when I pulled up.
Just to fuck with her, I flashed my lights and turned the siren on for a single whoop and laughed as she jumped into the air.
The glare on her face that promised retribution was definitely worth watching her almost pee herself. Besides, I knew Linc would appreciate having video evidence of his sister being scared.
“I’m worried,” she called out as soon as I got out of the cruiser and opened the back door for Daisy. “Parker’s car is here, but she’s not answering the door. And I can’t get Nox to answer me either.”
Admittedly, when I’d seen the call with Parker’s address pop up on my CAD, I’d immediately called into dispatch. Since I’d been worried too, I went ahead and claimed the call for my own. Although, I wasn’t about to tell Emma that.
“And you didn’t use your spare key, why?” I actually didn’t climb the stairs. I was pretty sure that Emma would kick me in the chest and send me sprawling on my ass for the question I had just asked. Instead, I stood down on the walkway, cocking my head to the side as I waited for her response.
I didn’t have to wait long.
“Because,” she hissed. “The spare key is gone from the usual hiding place.”
I rolled my eyes, because of course it was. Parker had a five-year-old. “Chances are, Nox was using it for some sort of experiment in the backyard and lost it.”