I’m dead last everywhere. Mom loves me, but she worries about my brother Mateo more. Dad left us a long time ago. I have my friends, but that’s different.
I thought Jocelyn loved me, but I don’t know. Lately, she has a funny way of showing it.
Determination filling me, I make my way over to her locker, ready to have it out, once and for all. We were nominated for homecoming queen and king a few days ago, and of course, we’re going to pair up together, but it’s like she can barely look at me lately. This is supposed to be a big moment for us, but she acts like it’s the last thing she wants.
I don’t get it.
“Jos.”
My voice, my nearness startles her and she slams her locker extra hard, turning on her heel and walking away from me. I run to catch up, grabbing hold of her arm and stopping her.
She jerks her arm out of my hold, her blue eyes extra big and full of…what the hell? Is that fear? She looks fucking terrified.
Why?
“I can’t do this right now,” she tells me and I shake my head, cutting her off.
“You can’t avoid me forever,” I tell her, my voice firm. “Come on, babe. Why are you treating me like this? Talk to me.”
She takes a step back, as if being close to me is freaking her out. The bell is going to ring any minute, signaling that lunch is over, and these halls are going to fill with people. I do not want to have this conversation with an audience, that’s for damn sure.
“Are you fucking around with Cami Lockhart?” she suddenly asks, startling me.
I blink at her, absorbing her words. The rumors have been going around for a week, maybe two, but I ignored them. So what if Cami and I were hanging out at parties together? It meant nothing. She flirts, but the girl flirts with everyone.
Didn’t help that my best friend and I got into an argument at Tony’s house after a game. It was more than an argument, it was a fight, and it was partially caused by me hanging out with Cami. I know it. She’s Jake’s ex, and while he doesn’t give a shit about her, he gives a shit about me, and he doesn’t want me hanging out with a girl who’s toxic.
Maybe I’m the toxic one in this situation.
“Well, tell me. Are you fucking her or not?” Jocelyn snaps, her expression full of disgust.
Figures. Just like everyone else in my life, she assumes the worst of me. I’ve been dealing with this for a while, thanks to my brother. Of course, I emulated him for years, so teachers automatically assume I’m a shitty student like Mateo.
Guess what? I’m not. I’m a good football player too. I have a job every summer, and I save my money. I have a girlfriend and I’m madly in love with her. Don’t know how she feels about me though.
Actually, I do know how she feels. She doesn’t trust me. She thinks I’m fucking Cami on the low, which is…unbelievable.
“What if I was?” I ask Jocelyn, my voice taunting. The words come out of me as if I have no control over them.
Jocelyn’s eyes immediately fill with tears and she comes for me, smacking my chest with her fists. There is so much anguish in her face, in her eyes, and I hate that I caused that. “You bastard,” she hisses.
Just before she turns and runs.
I chase after her, calling her name but she ignores me. The bell rings and as predicted, the halls fill with students. People I know, waving at me, saying hello, giving me odd looks as Jocelyn rushes past them and they know I’m in pursuit.
We’re causing a scene. Again.
I corner her in the girls’ bathroom near the band room. There are a few girls inside, all of them staring at me with wide eyes when I enter their domain.
“Get the fuck out,” I snarl and they leave without protest.
Locking the door, I turn to face Jocelyn once more. She’s got her back to the wall, standing on the other side of the sinks, tears streaking down her face.
“I don’t want to be with you anymore,” she says, her shaky words making my heart shatter into a billion pieces. “We’re done, Diego.”
“One rumor and that’s it? You’re giving up on us?” I ask her, incredulous.
“It’s not just one rumor. It’s multiple rumors! It’s the way you act around me! You don’t care about me anymore. Did you ever? Or were you just using me because you wanted an easy fuck?”
I flinch at her words. Jocelyn doesn’t cuss much, so it’s a shock to keep hearing her say fuck. “I love you, that’s why I want to fuck you!” I’m yelling at the top of my lungs, because that’s what we do in my house. We yell and shout and curse. Mom says we love hard and we fight harder, and while I agree with her about the fight harder statement, I’m not so sure about the love hard part.
Yes, my mom and I have a good relationship. Me and Mateo though? My brother has terrorized me for most of my life.
Jocelyn flinches at my choice of words, and she covers her face with her hands, crying into them. “Go away.”
I don’t know why she’s so willing to toss aside our relationship, all over a couple of false rumors about Cami and I? I decide to change tactics. “Come on, Jos. It’s me. I would never cheat on you with Cami—”
“Everyone sees you with her.” She drops her hands, glaring at me. “I keep getting reports back from friends. From people who aren’t my friends. You hang out with her after every single game.”
“At least someone hangs out with me. You’re too busy,” I throw back at her.
“See!” She jabs her index finger in my direction. “This is why we shouldn’t be together anymore. We don’t work, D. It hasn’t worked for a long time.”
“What about homecom—”
“I don’t give a shit about homecoming!” she screeches, sounding damn near hysterical. “God, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
She covers her face with her hands once more, her shoulders shaking, and I feel helpless. Slowly I approach her, until I’m standing directly in front of her. I wish I could take her pain away. I wish I could make this better. If she’d only listen to me. “Jos. What’s going on? What are you talking about?”
Jocelyn lowers her hands, sucking in a shaky breath before she blurts, “I’m—I’m p-p-pregnant.”
I stare at her in disbelief. No. No fucking way. “I don’t believe you.”
She starts to laugh, though nothing I said was funny. “Of course, you would say that. God, you’re such a prick.”
I shake my head, backing away from her. “Come on, you’re mistaken. There’s no way—”
“I am.” Her voice is filled with determination. “You can go ahead and believe whatever you want, but I’m pregnant with your baby. Not that you give a shit.”
I don’t want to believe her, because a baby could ruin everything I’ve worked for. Mom will shit. Mateo will laugh his ass off. My friends will freak the fuck out.
No. She can’t be.
“Jocelyn…”
“Don’t talk to me. I don’t even want you to look at me.” She stalks past me before I can say another word, pushing her way out of the bathroom. The door slams behind her, and I glance toward the mirrors, noting the shock in my eyes.