“This is all for you,” he says, his voice full of promise as he starts to stroke.
I have no other boy to compare him to, but I’m fairly certain he doesn’t lack in the penis department. He’s long. The first time we did it, it hurt. And he was sloppy. He pumped inside me maybe twice—or was it three times?—and then he came.
All in all, it was a complete disappointment. Not that I would ever tell him that.
It’s gotten better between us lately. Sad that our actual relationship is suffering a little bit, but the sex is good. Maybe we’re using it as a band-aid. I don’t know. I love him. I want to show him that I love him, but sometimes, he makes it really difficult.
This time when he reaches for the snap on my denim shorts, I don’t stop him. I help him get rid of them, though I leave my panties on. He strokes me there, over the thin fabric, touching me with purpose.
“Soaked,” he murmurs, sounding pleased, his fingers sneaking beneath my panties, touching my bare flesh. “Fuck, Jos, I don’t know how much longer I can wait.”
I want to ask him to go down on me, but the words don’t come. Instead, I arch into his hand, lifting my hips, a little whimper sounding when he touches me in a particular spot. I haven’t orgasmed yet when we’ve had actual sex, and I want to so badly. I’ve realized quickly I need lots of foreplay, and sometimes Diego is patient.
And sometimes, he’s not.
He continues stroking me, his thumb slipping over my clit, back and forth. Circling it. I push my panties down past my hips, and he helps me until I’m kicking them off, and now we’re both completely naked. He returns his attention to my breasts, sucking my nipples, licking his way down my stomach.
Oh God. His mouth is getting closer to where I want him. My breath catches in my throat when his face is right there, and when he licks me, a ragged groan leaves me.
“You like that,” he says, just before he licks me again.
“I love it,” I say on a sigh, a wave of pleasure washing over me when he slips his finger inside my body. His mouth on me plus his fingers inside me? I’m already close to coming. It didn’t take much time tonight, and I hope he keeps it up. If he stops now, I’m going to—
Diego stops, lifting his head to look at me. His lips are glossy with my juices and he runs his tongue across his upper lip, as if he’s savoring the taste of me. “Want me to keep going?”
I want to kill him. Why would he stop now? I was so close. “Yes,” I say through gritted teeth and he laughs.
Like he knows exactly what he’s doing, though I don’t know if he’s that smart. I’m not insulting him. We’re only seventeen. We still kind of don’t know what we’re doing in the sex department.
He experiments on me. Licking faster. Slower. Circling his tongue around my clit, pressing his tongue flat against my flesh. He adds another finger. Sucks my clit between his lips, and it feels so overwhelmingly good. I finally find the courage to give him direction, and he takes it.
“Faster,” I whisper and he speeds up.
“Oh, right there,” and he listens, staying at that one spot, lavishing all of his attention where I want it.
“Right—please. Oh God.” I’m overcome. As in, I’m coming. Sounds are leaving me, but they’re not quite words. I’m not making any sense. And it’s okay. I’m moaning. Thrashing about, and Diego grabs hold of my hips, keeping me in place as he continues to torture me with his mouth.
“Fuck,” he breathes when he finally moves away from my body, his dark eyes hooded, his lips parted as he gazes at me as if I’m the prettiest girl he’s ever seen. “You need to come like that more often.”
I need to come more often in general, but I don’t say that. Our satisfying sexual encounters lately have been a little one-sided. But not tonight.
Tonight I’m satiated. I feel downright lazy. Sleepy even. I watch as he positions himself in front of me, his erection in one hand as he leans over and props his other hand on the mattress beside my head. He brushes the tip against me, slowly dragging it between my folds and I tense up, my eyes going wide.
“Do you have a condom?”
His expression is pained. “Fuck. I forgot.”
I reach out, resting my hands on his shoulders to push him away. “You need to get one.”
“You need to get on the pill,” he throws back at me, sounding the slightest bit irritated.
This is one of the things we argue about. He hates condoms. I don’t know where to go to get on the pill. I can’t ask my mom. She’ll freak. Plus, our town is so small. If I show up at our doctor’s office, I’m almost guaranteed to see someone I know. Or someone my mom or dad knows. And we don’t have a Planned Parenthood around here.
I don’t know what to do.
“I will get on the pill, but that doesn’t mean we won’t use condoms still,” I remind him. I don’t want to get pregnant.
That would ruin everything.
He thrusts against my core nice and slow, slipping inside my body only a little, and he groans. “Just—let me do this. Only for a few minutes. I’ll pull out. Promise.”
He pushes deeper, and I silently agree it does feel good. Diego inside of me with nothing between us. Just skin on skin. His flesh in mine. He starts to move, and I move with him. Surprisingly, we find our rhythm quickly, and I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him down so he has no choice but to kiss me.
Our tongues tangle and our heated breaths mingle. He grunts with every thrust, pushing me farther up the mattress, a little bit at a time, and then he’s suddenly moving in earnest.
Fast. Hard. He lifts his body away from mine, his hands shifting to my hips as he drives inside of me. Again and again.
“Oh shit, you feel so fucking good—” Diego’s head hangs back, his eyes sliding closed just when mine pop open. He’s coming.
“Diego!” My sharp voice snaps him back to reality and he reaches between us, pulling himself out of me, and I feel a little dribble on my skin. Not enough though.
Not nearly enough.
Without a word he flops over to lie beside me, both of us panting, trying to catch our breath. I stare at the ceiling, hating the fear that slowly creeps over me, like a low moving fog, until I’m completely engulfed and it’s all I can think about.
He came inside of me. And I’m not on the pill. What if…
What if?
The Fight
Diego
I spot Jocelyn in the hallway, standing at her open locker. She’s been avoiding me all damn day at school, and I’m sick of it. Shit has gone sideways between us for weeks. Over a month. Maybe longer. Our relationship is this close to being over, I can feel it. And I know I’m not making things better by hanging out with Cami Lockhart. Cheer captain. Hot piece of ass. Tempting, though I haven’t tapped it yet.
I won’t cheat on my girlfriend, no matter how bad our relationship is.
But at least Cami is showing me some attention. More than my own girlfriend, that’s for damn sure. Jocelyn is always busy. Too busy for me. Volleyball practice. Volleyball games and tournaments. Homework. Her friends. Her family. I come dead last in that lineup, and all I’ve ever wanted was to be first.