“Okay,” I murmur. “Brace for the recoil.”
“Good,” Levi says, trying for a smile, but it comes out strained and tense looking. He seems on edge, even more so than Rory and Sloan did.
“Are you okay?” I ask him, handing him back the gun.
“Yeah,” he replies, reaching up to drag a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just that… this reminds me of how things were before my brother got killed. This tension and feeling like things could explode at any second. Shit is about to get really bad between us and the Jackals.”
Of course I remember him telling me about those times, and how his brother was caught in the middle. Guilt and worry flood through me, adding to the sick feeling bubbling in my stomach. I really did fuck these guys, didn’t I?
It’s what I was trying to do in the first place, but I wasn’t supposed to be around to see the aftermath of it. I wasn’t supposed to care so much.
Looking back, I realize I didn’t really take into account how the ripples of my actions would spread. I care about these men, even though that was never part of the plan, and now they’re all in danger.
I look up and meet Levi’s gaze, and he looks right back at me. The worry in his eyes is directed at me, and I can tell he’s thinking along the same lines I am. I’m in just as much danger as they are now.
He reaches for me and pulls me closer, hands settled on my waist. I lift my hands to rest on the broad planes of his chest, and we stay like that for a minute, just soaking up the closeness.
“Be careful,” he murmurs. “Keep your head down. Stay with us.”
“I will,” I promise. I’m taking everything he’s saying to heart, trying to memorize every lesson, anything that will help me get through this in one piece.
Levi looks down at me and then reaches up to brush back a lock of hair that’s escaped from my ponytail. His gaze turns tender, just like his touch, and when he leans down to kiss me, I meet him halfway.
It’s not the light kiss from the bedroom earlier. This is deeper, and more meaningful. A kiss where we both let more of our feelings bleed through than ever before.
We’re about to head into a dangerous situation that one or all of us might not come back from, and maybe it’s that looming threat that spurs me to cling to him for just a bit longer, trying to savor and memorize the feeling of safety and warmth that I feel in his arms.
Somehow, these men who were once my enemies have become so much more to me.
I hope like hell we can all live long enough to figure out exactly what that means.
5
We go back upstairs, and Levi carries the box with the vests in it into the living room. I watch the three of them strap on the vests and then Sloan digs into the bottom of the tub to pull out more weapons.
He exchanges the gun from before for a new one and then pulls out another to hand it to me. It’s different from when Levi passed me his gun to learn with just a minute or so ago. I’m hit with the memory of earlier in the day when he almost shot me.
It’s such a huge reversal of everything that it’s more than my brain can process.
The gun feels heavy and real in my hand, and I know it’s because this isn’t a prop or a demonstration. They expect me to shoot this gun and shoot it with the intent to kill. I’ve never done that before, never been faced with the possibility of it, and it weighs on me as I look at Sloan’s face.
He’s still cold with me, closed off and avoiding looking at me for the most part. I don’t say anything to him, and instead just take the gun and put it in my waistband the way I see the others doing.
It feels awkward, and I don’t know if that’s because I’m smaller than they are or because I’m just not used to it.
Either way, I suck it up. There’s no time to lose now, and it’s not like I can ask for a smaller gun. I don’t think they come in “kiddie sized.”
I run down the things Levi just taught me, over and over again in my head while they finish getting ready, and then there’s nothing else to do. It’s time to get moving.
We head out, getting into Sloan’s car to make the drive. Sloan drives, as always, and Rory takes the front passenger seat, leaving Levi and me in the back.
I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, and every breath I take feels labored with the fear and anxiety that clutches at me.
Sloan drives us deep into Jackal territory, and I can feel the tension in the car go up as soon as we cross whatever the invisible line is. Levi clenches his jaw, and Rory stares out the window. I can just about make out the tension in his face in the reflection. We’re all silent as we move past shops and restaurants and bars and a movie theater, and I wonder if any of the people we see walking down the street or gathered in the glow from the doors of these businesses are Jackals themselves.
Will they recognize the car? Will they know we’re coming? Do any of the people who are just out for the night to enjoy themselves know what they might be in the middle of?
It’s impossible to know for sure, and Sloan just keeps driving.
Eventually, we come to a place where several of the businesses are closed down, leaving empty storefronts with boarded-up windows to line the streets. If I remember right, it was supposed to be turned into a housing development, but the work never started. Maybe because the Jackals bought it out, or maybe no one has gotten around to it yet. Either way, it’s derelict and quiet, and that’s more nerve-wracking than being around all the people, actually.
Every shadow looks ominous, and every building we pass could be full of Jackals, armed to the teeth and ready to fight.
It’s dark out, and even a few of the street lights are dark, either by design or because they’re broken. Everything about it screams “stay away,” but we keep going until we see the barest hint of light from one building at the end of the street.
The windows are meant to be blacked out, clearly, like all the others, but behind the wooden paneling over the glass, there’s a sliver of light shining through, like someone did a rush job on trying to cover everything up.
“There,” Sloan says, voice soft like he’s worried someone will overhear us already. “That has to be it.”
He drives further on, and we all watch the building as we pass by it.
We pull onto a side street around the corner, far enough away that they shouldn’t hear us coming, but close enough to make a run for it if we manage to get out in one piece with Alex. When we manage to get out in one piece with Alex, I amend in my head. I have to think like we can win this.
All of us move as quietly as possible to get out of the car, easing our doors shut and checking to make sure we’re ready. The guys all exchange glances, and it’s clear they have a rhythm for this kind of thing.
“Stay close,” Levi reminds me in a whisper, and I nod quickly.
I have no intention of wandering off.
We walk back toward the building on foot, all of us keeping our eyes and ears open for anyone who might be waiting to ambush us. It occurs to me just when we reach the edge of the curb that this would be a great idea for a trap. Have someone leak the information to us that Alex is here, and then lure us here alone to take us out.
That would be a pretty big escalation, though, so I put it out of my mind. They’re probably more concerned with getting information out of the Black Roses’ accountant than anything else.