“Being different is a good thing, Mama. I love you, but I wanna be with Papa. It’s where I’m supposed to be.”
She was quiet for a moment, gripping the steering wheel tightly in her hands until her knuckles turned white.
“And you?” she asked, looking at me through the rearview mirror. “Do you wanna be with your father as well?”
I looked into her eyes, feeling the knot in my throat tighten.
No, Papa wasn’t who I wanted to be with.
It was Fennec.
It’s always been Fennec.
1
One Year Later
“You still have time to think about it, Ves. You don’t have to make a decision right now,” Mama said as she followed me into my bedroom.
I had finally graduated, just like Fennec one year ago, and although I struggled a lot getting through finals, I did it just so Mama could proudly say that both her kids made it through high school successfully, and brag about it to her girlfriends.
I also didn’t feel like going to high school for one more year, and although I only just made it with my horrible grades, I was glad I pushed through.
“I’ve wanted this ever since starting school, Mama.”
I had already packed my duffle bag with all the things I wanted to bring to the woods.
“Can we talk about it first? I know you never wanted to attend college, but there are other things you can do. I’m sure you will find a nice job you’ll enjoy. Maybe at the diner,” she suggested, and sadly, that was probably the only place that would let me work without checking my resume.
“I don’t wanna work at the diner. Or anywhere else. I wanna be with Papa,” I told her, turning to face her and then sitting on the edge of the bed.
I loved my bedroom.
Ever since I was little, I decorated my walls with pieces of newspapers and magazines, most of them having pictures of hunters, bears, foxes, and other wilderness related things on them.
The bear fur Papa let me take home after one winter holiday years ago was warm and fluffy underneath me, and I rubbed my hands against it before fisting it tightly.
Mama sighed, eyeing me carefully.
I looked exactly like her.
Same dark, almost black hair, thick eyebrows, and dark gray eyes.
Our noses had a small bump on the bridge, but our tips were turned up slightly.
It would’ve been a perfect nose without the bump, but of course, there was always something bothering you about your own face.
A reason why I hated mirrors. There were no mirrors in the forest.
Our mouths were wide, with lips that weren’t too full but had nice cupid’s bows.
As kissable as my lips looked, no one ever wanted to kiss them.
But there was someone who did kiss me before. Although it was only in my dreams.
Fennec, on the other hand, looked exactly like Papa.
Same dark hair, curly at the ends.
Their eyes were brown, almost gold, with specks of black in them.
Just like Papa, Fen’s cheekbones were high and tight, making dimples appear on their cheeks when they smiled.
They had strong jaws, though Papa’s was covered in a thick beard.
“Let’s get dinner later and we’ll figure this out together. How about we go to Brian’s? I heard he and Dianna added new items to the menu, perfect for summer,” she announced in a hopeful tone.
Although we lived in the middle of Alaska, summer did get warm enough most times, and with July creeping up on us, the sun got warmer each day.
“Fine, we can go eat. But I don’t think you can change my mind about leaving.”
I would’ve left for the summer anyway like I did every summer break.
Well, every single one except for the last one.
Mama wanted me to stay home to study, so I’d be prepared for my last year of high school.
It worked, kinda.
Could’ve done better.
“My goal isn’t to change your mind, Vespyr. I wanna know your reasons. I understand why Fennec wanted to go live with Papa, but you…” She let out a sigh and tilted her head to the side with a worried look.
“I wanna be with them,” I told her.
I knew she wasn’t happy about her only daughter leaving her just like her son did, but there was no way she could decide what we wanted in life.
When Papa decided to live in the wilderness, away from society to make his own rules and be his own man, Mama wasn’t very happy with his decision.
We were still little and didn’t understand much about what was going on, but the first time I remembered visiting Papa at his new home, I knew that’s where I wanted to be for the rest of my life.
Fennec wanted the same, and it seemed as if Mama didn’t have a problem with him staying with Papa.
She let out a sigh and nodded, then smiled at me gently. “Get ready. We’ll leave in a few hours.”
I watched her leave my room, leaving the door open since privacy wasn’t a thing in this house.
I let myself fall back onto the mattress, with my hand on my stomach and my eyes fixating the many animal tails hanging from my ceiling.
I loved animals, but in the wild, you had to kill them to survive.
The only animal I didn’t have a tail of was a fox. Ever since I was little, I had this strange connection to those pretty creatures, and I always told Papa not to shoot them whenever he saw one.
He kept his promise and never had he killed a fox since I was old enough to tell him not to.
Fennec promised me he wouldn’t kill them either, and as the best brother in the world would do, he also kept his promise.
I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, thinking about the conversation Mama and I would have at the diner about me wanting to leave.
Maybe I should’ve planned it out.
Made sure I said the right things so it would be easier for her to accept my decision, but I decided to let it all come over me without thinking too much about it.
*
When we walked into Brian’s diner across the street from our house, I didn’t expect girls from my high school to sit at a booth, staring and giggling as I stood there behind Mama, waiting for Dianna to show us to a free booth.
I tore my eyes off them, knowing they were either making fun of my clothes, or me as a person.
They had nothing better to do than talk rudely about other girls who didn’t fit their aesthetic.
Pink should be the color associated with hell, not red.
“We have this new chicken soup on the menu. You will love it, Vespyr,” Dianna said cheerfully, and I gave her a small smile before we followed her to get to our booth.
“Such a weirdo,” I heard one of the girls mutter as we passed their table. “You can’t even tell her brother’s her Irish twin. Fennec is way better looking than her,” another one commented, and before I stopped to stare them down and show them just how rude their words were, Mama grabbed my wrist and pulled me with her, giving me a look that meant not to give them any attention.
She heard everything, and although she was the one giving birth to this town’s Irish twins, she was the last one to care.
As we sat down, she caressed the back of my head, then handed me one of the menus Dianna gave her.
“Chicken soup in summer?” I asked, pushing those girls out of my mind and changing the subject.