He reaches around the packages and grabs my hand, holding it in his. “Don’t even think that way. We’ve had such a good day, don’t let this ruin it. I want you here.” I look at him with a tilt of my head, wondering if he’s telling the truth. He doesn’t want me. There’s no future in this, but he doesn’t want me to go.
What was I thinking when I came here? Did I really think coming and spreading a little holiday cheer and then leaving was going to be a good idea? If he was some kind of asshole, this would make it so much easier.
Gavin
I can understand why she’s feeling the way she is, and I’m cussing myself that she’s been put into this position. She’s been so good to me. She’s listened to me vent, and she’s always been upbeat and happy. She’s worried about me and has sent me so many packages this past year that I’ve lost count. She probably doesn’t realize it, but she made this last year the best of my life.
Even before she showed up here, I was having trouble with our goodbye. Back on base, or wherever I was, there were nights I dreamed of her. Even though I had never seen her before, I knew it was her. I thought about her all the time, and I don’t know why I thought I could just erase her from my memory. I don’t know what I’m going to do now that she’s here, and I’ve seen her face to face. I’ll now have a face and a body to think about, and her curvy body definitely does it for me. I want to say hell with it all and carry her into my bedroom, but one look into her big hazel eyes that look at me with so much trust, I know I can’t.
“I don’t want you to feel this way, Cassie. What can I do to convince you that I’d rather be here with you?”
I know exactly where her mind goes because it’s the same place mine’s been. She wants me, I know she does. Probably as much as I want her.
“Forget it. Forget I said anything. We’ve had such a good day and tomorrow’s Christmas. And now, it’s time for presents.” She gestures to the stack of presents between us.
6
Cassie
I need to get us back on solid ground. Mission Merry Christmas back in full effect. I pick up one of the boxes and set it on the coffee table and then take the rest to put under the tree. “It’s always been a tradition that we open one present on Christmas Eve. So here you go.”
He holds his hands up, waving me off. “I’m not opening that.”
My hand falls to my lap with the small gift. “Why not?”
“I can’t open a gift.” He stops and shakes his head, his eyes wide in disbelief. He’s waving it off like it’s crazy that I got him something.
“Why not?” I ask him, confused.
He gets up and starts pacing the living room. “I’m not going to open a gift when I didn’t get you anything.”
I laugh. “Is that all? My sister sent me a gift to open because she knew I was surprising you. It’s okay, Gavin.”
He still looks uncomfortable with it, but I’m not stopping with this. He’s going to open a gift for Christmas.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell him and go and grab one of the presents that my sister sent.
“See?” I tell him, holding it up. “We’ll both open one.”
I sit back down on the couch and pat the spot next to me. “C’mon, take a seat.”
I’m so excited about this that I can’t stand it. He mentioned this to me one time a long time ago, and I hope he loves what I got him.
“I just don’t feel right about this, Cassie. You’ve already done so much. I don’t want you buying me gifts too.”
I roll my eyes. “Are you for real right now? You don’t know how excited I am to give this to you. Please, I think you’ll love it.”
I force the package into his hands, and he holds it like it’s a ticking time bomb.
Gavin
I look between the wrapped present and back to Cassie. Is she for real? I can’t believe she got me something. “Cassie…” I start, but emotion thickens in my throat, and I stop.
Without even having to say anything, she gets it. She understands what I’m feeling right now. She knows some of my past. No family, no holidays, no birthdays, and of course no presents. But I don’t think she realizes what this means to me right now.
Her hand reaches out and covers mine. “It’s okay, really. If you don’t want to open it, we can just stick it under the tree.”
There’s sadness on her face as she says it, and my heart skips a beat. The smile that’s been on her face since she’s got here is gone and in its place is gloom. I did that to her. Fuck, Gavin. Why did you have to ruin it?
“If you’re sure that’s what you want, I’ll open it. But I’m getting you something.”
Her face lights up again, and I know I’ve made the right decision. “You don’t have to get me a thing. My favorite part of Christmas is giving to others. Really, seeing you open this is going to be gift enough,” she says, pointing to the present I still have gripped in my hands.
I look down at it and carefully start to pull at the bow on top. I don’t want to rip anything, so I go slowly.
Cassie smirks but doesn’t say a word. She’s sitting next to me acting as if she’s patient, but her leg is bouncing, telling me just how excited she is about it. I swear she’s about to reach over and rip the paper open.
When I finally get the box uncovered and lift the lid, I gaze down into the box in shock. “What…? How did you?” I ask her as I take it out of the box.
In my hand is an original PEZ dispenser with the blue Batman on it. I grip it in my hand and then have to force myself to let up a little. I can’t believe she remembered this. I told her when I was younger, I was given a blue Batman PEZ dispenser from one of my caseworkers. It wasn’t new or anything, something the case worker had when she transported kids. She gave it to me when she dropped me off at the new home I was going to. The home where I met my foster brother, Baker.
Anyway, it was taken from me at the new home, and I briefly mentioned that in one of my letters.
“Cassie…” I start, not knowing what to say.
She waves her hand in between us. “It’s no big deal. Open it up. See if the candy is as good as you remember it.”
I open the package and start inserting the little rectangle candies into the dispenser. I take longer than necessary because I’m a little choked up. Fuck, if the guys could see me now. They’d call me a pussy for sure.
I finish loading it and grab her hand, turning it upside down to hold out for me. I put a piece of candy in it and then pop one in my mouth.
We both suck on the candies, just smiling at each other. “I know it’s not much, but you like it, right?”
“I love it,” I tell her. The whole time she’s smiling up at me, and I pull her to me for a hug. It would be so easy to change those words up and tell her I love her right now. I know I’ve felt more for her than just like. I hold on to her, and my hug is fierce, probably too hard, but she doesn’t resist or free herself. I’m resting my chin on her head, and we sit there while I try to figure out how in the world I’m supposed to let this woman leave my life in two days.