“You’re upset. Quinn is likely wounded too, but you’re both individuals, so it stands to reason you’d handle loss and pain differently. It’s hard to understand, but I know he doesn’t mean any harm.”
“Should I apologize?”
He snorted. “Probably not; it’s Quinn, and there’s no doubt he deserves your ire for something or another.”
I chuckled while staring at the sealed envelope that had nothing written on the front. “Thank you for this,” I said, holding it up.
“You haven’t opened it yet, so why are you thanking me?”
“I feel like I should wait to open it until I need to, if that makes any sense.”
He nodded. “It makes perfect sense.” He shifted his weight as if getting ready to walk away but hesitated. Sucking in a deep breath, he glanced at me. “You know, Kandra is a good woman. She’s not perfect, but nobody is, and if she makes you happy, you should let go of the past and go for it.”
I didn’t need to ask how he knew, because there were no secrets in a small town. Even so, I knew I could always trust him to keep mine.
“It’s not that simple.” I rubbed my chin, feeling the start of a rough shadow against my palm. “She broke my heart, Max, and I won’t give her the chance to do it again.”
“Because you’re sure she’ll let you down, or because you’re afraid she won’t?”
I considered his words, and he was right. I was equally afraid of both outcomes. I didn’t know if I was ready to settle down now, but if I were, Kandra had always been the woman I imagined beside me.
“You two were just kids. Not saying the love wasn’t real, but you’ve had ten years to grow up. Ten years to understand what you want and need. You were always an old soul, Noah, much older than your years, but she may have needed time to grow. She’s a sweet one and mark my words, someone will win her heart. The question is, will you forgive yourself if you don’t try again?” Max lowered his head to dig inside his bag again, giving me a moment with my thoughts.
The idea of her finding someone else sent white-hot anger flashing through me.
It was ridiculous to feel jealous because she wasn’t mine. Even though I’d once been hers, maybe she never ever truly belonged to me.
Still, she wasn’t the same person she’d been when she left. Life had knocked her down a peg, but instead of letting it break her, she held her head high. I had to give her that, Kandra was a willow and while she might bend, she wouldn’t break.
Her words ran through my head.
This is my life, and I’m trying to make the best of it.
“Is it worth getting hurt again?” I honestly didn’t know. It sounded stupid and cliché, but it was the truth. Losing her was like losing a limb. I hadn’t been whole after she left. That was something I hadn’t revealed to anyone.
Max lifted both shoulders, his eyes locking on mine once more. “I can’t answer that for you. Maybe you have to let your heart decide.”
Chapter Six
Kandra
I wiped my mouth with the back of my trembling hand. Nausea turned my stomach, and I silently begged my body not to throw up again.
Turning on the sink, I splashed cold water on my face and rubbed my hands over my stinging skin. I hated vomiting. It was about the worst feeling in the whole world. My nose burned, my eyes watered, and my throat was so raw no amount of honey could soothe it. To make things worse, I shook like an alcoholic at rehab.
Meeting my tired gaze in the bathroom mirror, I exhaled slowly. The girl staring back at me looked scared with her wide eyes, darkened with delicate smudges that made her look like she hadn’t slept a decent night in months.
Last night, I got off work at two after Roy approved a couple of overtime hours so I could help him close. He walked me to my car and waited until I drove off before going to his truck. It was sweet, but there was no crime to speak of in Cross Creek unless you counted the local teens knocking down mailboxes. Or Mrs. Barry stealing someone’s Sunday newspaper for the coupons.
I felt safe from nefarious activity, but I appreciated the gesture.
For a boss, Roy was shaping up to be a good one which made me feel awful for not telling him the truth. I clung to the edges of the sink until my fingers ached. I was keeping this pregnancy under wraps, but why?
Wouldn’t it be easier to tell people now? I mean, what would I do when Roy asked me to carry something heavy? It was part of the job I agreed to do when he hired me.
With viscous questions circling like sharks and no answers coming, I turned off the water, patted my face with a towel, and left the room.
A glance at the clock on my bedside table told me it was nearly noon. Sheesh, the whole day was slipping by, and all I’d accomplished was puking my guts up and realizing I had too many questions and no real answers. My belly turned, and I dropped on the edge of my bed. My hands wouldn’t stop trembling as I ran my fingers through my hair, twisting it up into a messy bun I could fix later. I prayed I wouldn’t start heaving again.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to work until four. With any luck, Roy would let me have the extra two hours of overtime again to help him close. I needed the money because life would get a lot more expensive, very soon.
I doubted I could count on Anthony for child support. He wanted no part of having a baby. And unless I wanted to sue him, I was on my own. People who didn’t have money couldn’t win against those who did, and Anthony was loaded.
I stood up and yawned as the world went black behind my eyes and waited for the lightheaded feeling to pass. Everything came back into focus, and I exhaled.
As I got dressed, I wondered when I’d stop being able to button my jeans. How long would I even be able to keep my secret?
A movement outside my window caught my eye, and I hurried out the front door. The bright sunshine assaulted me, and I shaded my face with one hand as I rushed to the mailbox.
“Max!” I remembered the old mail carrier. He’d always been kind and gave the best advice when I needed him. There was no way I’d let him move past my place without a proper hello.
His face lit up, and when he opened his arms, I rushed into the hug. “You’re back,” he said.
I stepped away and gave him a look. “You already knew that, so don’t try to pretend.” Nothing got past the mailman; outside of the local police, Dottie, and Roy, he knew the most about the locals.
With a slight smile, he loaded my mailbox. “You’re right, I did. This is from me to you.” He held out a white envelope, and I reached for it, but he pulled it back. “Too slow!”
I laughed. When I was a little girl, we played this game, and the memory of the times when he stopped and chatted with my parents and slipped me a piece of candy or a new book, filled me with warmth. Max always felt like part of the family.
He touched the envelope to my hand, and I took it. The blank white paper gave no hint to what was inside, and I turned it over. The flap was tucked into the envelope, but it wasn’t sealed.
“Thank you.” I smiled at him.
“You don’t even know what it is.” His jeering brought a smile to my lips, and I shifted back and forth on my feet. “Aren’t you going to open it?”