I’d spent the last couple of months trying to purge the madness he’d sparked in my soul by putting the images that haunted me like ghosts down on paper. No matter how many times I tried, I could never get it right. I’d come close to what I had thought was a decent rendering, but now that I was looking at the real thing, I knew just how woefully inaccurate it was.
He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and there was no medium that was capable of capturing it. Not even photography, because there was something about his essence, something that shone behind his eyes, reflecting the sunset, that couldn’t be captured on film. Even in a T-shirt and jeans, he looked too perfect to be real.
Come to think of it, I couldn’t remember seeing him in a T-shirt in all the years I’d known him. I was shocked he even owned one, and the only explanation I could come up with was that he’d spilled something on his shirt and borrowed one from Kellan.
“Shan,” I murmured, his name like silk on my tongue. I’d missed having an excuse to say it, even if it was only to whisper it like I’d done so many times that night. There were a million things I wanted to say, and I’d already started rehearsing the speech I was going to give when I finally got the nerve, but it all went out the window. Hell, if someone had asked me my own name right then, I don’t even think I would have been able to answer.
“James.” His voice was strained, and the nervousness that immediately came over him assured me he was far from relieved to see me. Did he think I had betrayed his confidence and told Ryan what had happened between us? Like I wanted to open that can of worms before I even had the chance to talk to Shan.
I was willing to do it, though. I’d had plenty of time to come to terms with the fact that not even being around him--now that I knew what it was like to hold him in my arms--was so much worse than any fallout that might come from it.
When I snapped back to reality enough to notice he was holding a box of moving supplies, I reached out to take it from him. He jerked as if to stop me, but the moment the box left his hands, I saw something else that stopped me in my tracks.
His T-shirt was too perfectly fitted to his body to be borrowed, but it was the way it clung to his belly that drew my attention. I’d explored his body so thoroughly that night, and committed it to memory enough to know he’d had washboard abs at the time, and while he was far from even being husky, the rounded bump under his shirt was unmistakable.
My heart started drumming again, a rhythm that accompanied a melody that only ever played while he was around. For a few moments, all I could do was stare at him in disbelief as every confused thought and emotion misfired in my brain all at once.
“You’re pregnant.”
The words just came out as bluntly as the thought in my mind. I’d been reverted back to whatever primal state he seemed to think all alphas existed in perpetually. Or maybe it was just me. The way I was gaping at him probably wasn’t helping.
His face grew pink, conjuring memories from that night that haunted my sweetest dreams. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but his lips hung open, and all I could do was think about how much I wanted to claim them. He swallowed audibly and tried again. “Kellan didn’t tell me you were coming.”
“Ryan just asked me,” I said, still not able to remember quite how to blink. “If he hadn’t, would I have just found out when you were rushed to the hospital?”
A look of agitation I’d missed more than I thought possible flashed in his eyes, but he looked over his shoulder and stifled whatever he was about to say. “We can’t talk about this right now.”
“Pretty fucking clear you didn’t plan on talking about it at all, so sorry if I don’t trust there will be a later.”
Shan’s eyes narrowed. Before he could respond, Kellan’s car pulled up behind his. The other omega got out, smiling and waving at us.
“Hi, James! I didn’t know you were coming over.”
“Seems to be the case all around,” I muttered.
He gave me a strange look and glanced between us. “Is something wrong?”
“No,” I said, straining to keep my reaction in check, mostly because Kellan and Ryan didn’t need to be caught up in this. Inside, I was a mess, though. “Not at all.”
“Well, how about we take a break and order some dinner?” Kellan suggested. “There’s a great pizza place a few blocks away.” He hesitated, looking at his brother. “Or is that going to set off your morning sickness?”
“Pizza is fine,” Shan said stiffly, not looking at either of us.
So that answered that question. Kellan knew, which I assumed meant Ryan knew. So why the hell hadn’t he mentioned it to me?
It was a struggle to remind myself there was no reason either of them knew who the father was. That much was obvious from Kellan’s reaction, and the fact that Ryan hadn’t decked me yet.
“Okay, I’ll go call it in,” Kellan said, walking back toward the house.
“So they both know. Were you ever going to tell me?” I asked once he was out of earshot.
“They don’t know everything,” Shan said, hugging himself. “Let’s just get through tonight, and we’ll talk alone after. Please.”
As pissed as I was--and hurt, and shocked, and excited, which was a dizzying blend of emotions--the desperation in his voice tugged at my heart strings, which was manipulation for all I knew. “Fine. But I’m holding you to that.”
He nodded rather than making a snarky comment like I’d expected, which worried me. I followed him inside and set the box of supplies down before joining him and the others in the kitchen.
Dinner was a blur. Evidently, we both did a decent enough job hiding the awkwardness, because no one brought it up. Then again, the two lovebirds across the table were too busy gazing into each other’s eyes to notice much else.
If only that could last.
I’d zoned out, because the next thing I knew, there was a heavy silence at the table and Ryan looked like he was staring off into another dimension. I knew well enough when he was nervous, and to say he was freaking out inside was an understatement.
Shit. Had they figured it out somehow? Everyone else was so tense, I was still working up the nerve to ask what I’d missed when Ryan blurted out, “I can’t do this.”
Kellan looked as shocked and confused as the rest of us. “Do what, honey…?”
“Wait any longer,” he said, standing from his chair to walk around the table and over to Kellan. He took the stunned omega’s hand as he sank down on one knee, and I watched as Kellan’s confusion turned to disbelief. Ryan reached into his pocket and took out a small black box, smiling adoringly up at his boyfriend. “I’ve had this planned twice already, and both times I chickened out. I need to do it now, while I still have the guts.”
“Ryan,” Kellan breathed, clamping a hand over his mouth.
Ryan cleared his throat, trying to look serious as he opened the box to reveal the diamond-studded band inside. “Kellan, ever since you came into my life, I’ve felt like I’m a different person. A better one, and every day, you make me want to be even better so one day I might come close to deserving you. I know that’s a long shot, but will you give me the chance to try? For the rest of our lives?”