I opened my mouth to respond, but the nausea that had just been a needling irritant in the background suddenly became overwhelming and I knew if I didn’t get to the bathroom right then, I was going to throw up on the damn floor. I dropped the box I was holding, hoping it wasn’t anything irreplaceable and fragile, and ran like hell.
“Shan!” Kellan cried after me.
I couldn’t answer, and barely made it to the bathroom sink in time. It was rare for me to get sick enough to throw up, and I hadn’t had the flu in years, but it felt like my body was making up for lost time. I saw Kellan’s reflection in the mirror as he winced in sympathy and held back my hair.
“It’s okay,” he said, rubbing my back in small circles. He might not have looked like it, but he was a typical omega when it came to being nurturing, and that switch got flipped pretty easily. I wasn’t usually on the receiving end of it, and by the time my stomach stopped turning on me, I was humiliated.
“Man, you’re really sick, aren’t you?” he murmured, studying me worriedly as I started gargling mouthwash. “That was sudden.”
“I’ve been feeling weird,” I admitted. “It just got bad.”
He tilted his head, and I could see the wheels turning. “Weird how?”
“I don’t know,” I muttered, taking the towel he offered me to dry off. “Nauseous. Tired. Don’t you dare look at me like that.”
“You know what this sounds like, right?” he asked in a knowing tone. His eyes widened all of a sudden. “Wait...you didn’t tell me you were seeing someone.”
“I’m not pregnant!” I said, lowering my voice when I remembered there were probably still some servants milling around downstairs. “And I’m not seeing anyone.”
“But you have been with someone?”
I hesitated, wanting to lie, but I didn’t have the energy to keep up the facade and he would just see through it and think it was more suspicious anyway. “It was a one-time thing.”
“And did this one-time thing happen to occur while you were in heat?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
I frowned, which made the answer obvious enough, I guess, because he covered his face with his hand. “Shan, I swear, sometimes you are the dumbest smart person I know.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You had sex with an alpha in heat, and you’ve been feeling nauseous and tired for what, a week?”
“Give or take,” I mumbled.
He sighed. “Stay here.”
“Where are you going?” I called. He didn’t answer, just walked down the hall. I would have followed him, but I was feeling sick enough that I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave the sink’s immediate vicinity. When he returned a minute later, the small white box in his hand immediately put me on edge.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “You’re jumping to conclusions. I’m not pregnant from one freaking time.”
“That’s all it takes,” he said firmly, setting the box on the counter. “And if you’re not, then this will put your mind at ease.”
I grimaced, knowing he’d called my bluff. The truth was, I’d been indulging a healthy dose of denial, and now that was in danger of being ripped away from me.
“Fine. If it’ll make you happy,” I said, closing the door behind him. I turned back and stared at the box for a few moments, before reminding myself that he was right, as much as I hated to admit it. Being in denial wasn’t going to change reality.
I’d never had test anxiety before, but that all changed in the five minutes it took for the test to develop. The brief moment of relief I felt when it was done was immediately replaced with dread.
Two blue lines, clear as day.
Fuck.
5
James
The last two and a half months been the longest of my life. I loved what I did, so every day felt like playing more than work, but not lately. Every time someone came through the door, I found myself perking up like a damn dog, and each time it wasn’t him, I was plunged back into disappointment.
I’d done a decent enough job giving Shan space, at the expense of my own sanity. I assumed I hadn’t marked him, since he hadn’t tried to contact me again, but that didn’t stop me from spending my every waking moment thinking about him.
My dreams were a lost cause, too, but at least in them, I got to hold him. I’d become addicted to another person, and going cold turkey had done nothing to mute the longing.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t done as good of a job hiding it from my brother, but he worked around me all day five days a week, so there was that. When he’d practically begged me to come with him to help Shan and Kellan’s parents finish moving, I was sure it was a test. He knew me better than anyone, so it seemed feasible that he could see through my thin attempt at playing it cool whenever the subject of Shan came up, which was far more often than I’d ever noticed before.
Maybe the universe was testing me, too.
Not that I could refuse to go over and help my future in-laws move. I told myself it wasn’t like Shan was going to be there. He had class and his fraternity stuff, whatever the hell that entailed.
We decided to drive over together, and I didn’t see Shan’s car in the driveway. It should have been a relief, since I wasn’t convinced I could help not making a fool of myself around him, but it wasn’t. As long as I got to see him, I didn’t care if I made an idiot out of myself. Even if I only saw him for a moment.
Fuck. I couldn’t do this. Maybe that night had meant nothing to him, and he’d found it more than easy to forget it ever happened, but I couldn’t. And I never would be able to. I’d had an abundance of time to think, and while I was sure regret would set in once the haze of rut faded, the opposite had happened.
That night might have been unplanned and unexpected, but it was also the best night of my life. It wasn’t just the sex, as mindblowing as being inside him had been. It was the connection I’d felt--the one I knew he felt too, no matter how badly he wanted to deny it--and I couldn’t just let that go without even trying to fight for it.
Weirdly enough, it was the fact that Shan wasn’t there that convinced me I had to go and at least try to get him to hear me out. He lived with Kellan, so I could find an excuse easily enough. Avoiding their apartment sure as hell hadn’t made the separation any more tolerable.
When we got inside, I was surprised at just how empty the house looked without all the antique furnishings and vintage paintings. Supposedly, they had moved a lot of it into storage since they were downsizing to a smaller yet just as luxurious condominium, but there was still plenty left, judging from the stack of boxes in the living room.
“Damn, do you think they have enough stuff?”
Ryan laughed, his voice echoing through the massive house. “Just pick a corner and start moving. Everything’s all packed up, at least.”
“Thank goodness for that,” I snorted, grabbing a few boxes to carry out to the truck. It felt like we’d barely even made a dent in the hour that went by, and I could swear the boxes were breeding.
Someone else pulled up, and I heard a car door shut, so I assumed it was either Kellan or his parents. When I turned around and found myself face-to-face with Shan, who looked every bit as shocked to see me as I was to see him, we both froze.