Before, that seemed like it would be the hardest part. But now I have to actually get some information for him, and that’s going to be tricky at best.
I stare blindly up toward the front of the room for the rest of the lecture, coming up with plans and then discarding them as quickly. I have to be careful with what I do, but I can’t afford to let this opportunity pass me by. Who knows how long Paul will wait for information before deciding he’s tired of dealing with me.
Once class is over, I get up and out of my chair before Paul can move, falling in with the flow of students leaving the building.
With some distance between me and Paul, I let out a relieved sigh that I managed to pull that off without being caught, and then almost jump out of my skin when Levi steps up beside me with a smile.
He’s been waiting outside like he always does, and he hasn’t seemed to notice how jumpy I am. Good.
“Lunch?” he asks, and I nod.
It’s a thing with us now, five days a week. We get lunch, usually from the little food truck down the hill that I introduced him to that first day, but sometimes we go off campus and try other things. Pizza, gyros, Chinese food. Whatever we’re in the mood for.
My mind isn’t really on food as we walk, so I let him take the lead, heading down the block to the little shawarma place he likes. That’s fine by me, and we join the line to order.
“Is this cool with you?” he asks, gesturing toward the front of the line, and I nod, trying not to seem too distracted.
“Yeah, it’s fine. I like their shawarma. And the pitas are good.”
Usually by the time I’m three classes in, I’m starving, but at the moment I couldn’t care less about the food. My mind feels a million miles away, but I force it back to the matter at hand because I have to seem normal. I have to act natural, unless I want Levi to figure out something’s up.
“I’m looking forward to the race tomorrow,” he says. “I haven’t been to one in a while.”
“Me neither,” I admit. “Scar and I used to go sometimes, but it’s been a while. And I thought it would be nice to get out. Like you said, things seem like they’ve been tense lately.”
I keep my voice neutral as I speak, not wanting Levi to feel like I’m prodding him for information. But I hope he’ll tell me a little more about what’s going on that’s got all the Black Roses so on edge.
“Yeah.” He grimaces. “We just had a couple of big deals go through, and between that and the way the Jackals are breathing down our necks…” He trails off, then shakes his head, his expression brightening. “A night out sounds fucking great. I’m glad you suggested it.”
I smile at him, frustrated that he didn’t finish his sentence. I can’t tell if he didn’t go into more detail because we’re out in public or because he doesn’t want me to know too much about gang business.
“Well, I’m just glad Sloan agreed,” I say with an eye roll.
Levi chuckles. “He’ll have fun once we’re there. He’s been dealing with a lot of shit, and he’s got more pressure on him than the rest of us.”
“Right.”
He nudges me with his shoulder. “How’d you get into street racing, anyway? Not that I’m surprised you like it.”
“My dad introduced me to it. He took me to see a race when I was little.”
The words come out before I can think about them, and my stomach clenches into a knot as a sharp stab of pain pierces my chest. I swallow, trying to shove down the swell of emotions as I glance up at the menu.
I don’t want to think about my dad. Not here in line for shawarma with Levi watching me.
I don’t know if he sees something in my face or if it’s just a natural subject change, but Levi steps closer to me and says in a lowered voice, “Hey, Rory told me about your mom.”
“Oh.” I blink, glancing over at him. “He did?”
“Yeah. I’m really sorry.”
I shrug a shoulder as we step up to order, trying to keep the pain off my face. “It was a long time ago.”
We give our order to the woman behind the counter and step away to wait for it. I kind of hope Levi’s going to change the subject again, but no such luck.
“He made it sound like you were pretty close with her.” He chuckles wryly. “Honestly, I don’t know what it’s like to get along with your parents, but I know it’s not like that for everyone.”
“You don’t like your parents?” I ask.
He frowns lightly. “I don’t think about them a lot. Haven’t talked to them in fucking years. I was close to my brother. He was my family for the most part.”
“Your brother who…” I trail off, not sure what the polite way to ask if he’s talking about the one who died.
Levi nods, sparing me from floundering. “Yeah. The one who died. Logan. He was in a shootout, you know? With the Jackals, back when things were really fucked up between us. It felt like every other day someone was getting killed, either in a shootout or just turning up stabbed or something. It was a shitty time.” He sighs, rubbing at his forehead. “It feels like we’re creeping back toward that again, honestly.”
I can feel a pit of guilt in my stomach, knowing I’m hoping to play a part in the instability between them, but then I shrug it off. Things were getting tense between the Black Roses and the Jackals before I had anything to do with them. It’s not my fault.
“What was he like?” I ask him. “Logan? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“I don’t mind.” Levi smiles a little bit, his lips curling up on one side. His chocolate brown eyes warm as they go out of focus a little, as if he’s getting lost in his memories. “He was a great brother. Almost like a parent, sometimes. He always took care of me.”
We both glance up as our food order is called, and Levi continues speaking as we grab our stuff and settle at a little table.
“Even when he was tired, he would play with me when I was a little kid. Brought me little toy cars and blocks and shit. He always liked to make me smile. That’s what I remember most. The way he would come up with funny stories or jokes just to make me laugh. He was never too busy to help me, even if it was something stupid like beating a level in a video game or whatever. He’d find the time.”
I find myself smiling as he talks. “He sounds like a good brother.”
“He was,” Levi agrees. “I mean, he basically raised me. He was the one who was always there. When I got in trouble in school for fighting or not doing my homework, he was the one who showed up to pick me up and take me to get milkshakes so we could talk about it. He never raised his voice at me or asked what the fuck I was doing or anything like that. Just talked to me about the problem so we could get to the bottom of it.”
There’s something different about his voice as he talks about his brother. Levi’s always sort of cool-headed and laid-back, but there’s an almost… not quite reverence, but a deep love when he tells these stories. It’s admiration and affection, and it hits me that it’s the same way I probably sound when I talk about how my dad raised me basically all alone.
“I know it never goes away,” he continues. “Missing someone who’s gone. Even if you know they’re never coming back, you still think about them all the time and wish it could have been different.” His gaze catches mine. “Like you with your mom. I’m sure you wish you had more time with her.”