"And I do it because it feels good," she finished as though it should have been obvious.
I flashed back to the image of her the night before: her head tossed back in pure pleasure, her eyes closed, and her face glazed with utter lust. I wondered what it must have been like to feel that way. So free. So welcome to explore the whims of the body; everything that it desired and wanted from her.
"You must know what I’m talking about," she continued, waving her hand. "I mean, you’ve ...” She trailed off staring at me. Clearly reading my expression.
I glanced away from her, feeling silly. I had never done anything like that, and there she was telling me that she had taken every man she’d ever wanted and loved every moment of it.
"Oh," she breathed as though she couldn’t believe what she was learning.
I chewed my lip. I needed to get out of there.
"I need some air," I muttered, turned and walked out of the room, heading back to my bedroom.
I knew there was food waiting for me but I didn’t care about that. I didn’t have much of an appetite anyway. Well, not for food, at least ...
The images of what I had seen the night before were pulsing in my brain, filling it up, until I couldn’t think of anything else. She did it because it felt good. Pure hedonism. A focus on nothing but her pleasure. And she didn’t seem to think of herself as any less than for it. No, there was actual pride in her voice when she told me everything she had done.
I closed the door behind me, and I realized my heart was pounding in my chest. My whole body felt as though it was on fire. I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t have it in me to ignore it any longer. Twenty years, two whole decades, and I had ignored what it needed, what it wanted. Everything that it was screaming at me to give it. I was done waiting. I was done pretending I had no desires, that I was a good girl. Chaste and sweet with nothing dark in my head.
Right there, against the door, still standing up, I slipped my hand beneath my skirt and trailed it over the outside of my panties.
I gasped at the sensation. I could already feel the wetness soaking through the fabric, soft and warm against my fingers. The feeling was so intense it almost sent my knees buckling out from underneath me, but I propped myself up against the door to keep from keeling over. This was … this was everything I had been waiting for.
I let my fingers graze over the front of my panties for a moment, then I plucked up the courage to slide them beneath. I groaned loudly, not caring who heard me at that moment--heck, I wouldn’t have cared if the whole house had been able to make out the sound of me touching myself for the first time. Donna hadn’t exactly been careful to keep her own exploits undercover and look where it had gotten her. So free, so joyous and I wanted that. I needed that. If this was what it took to get me there, then I would do it.
I moved my fingers around until I found a spot that made me feel good--it seemed as though it was a pressure valve, waiting to pop. When I moved my fingers over it, I felt some of the release I was craving so badly. I pressed lightly against it at first, testing out how it felt, then went harder, moving in slow, soft circles. I was pushing my hips to meet my hand like I couldn’t get enough. I was acting so uncharacteristically--the curtains to my window were open, and anyone could have looked in and caught me in the act--but somehow that just turned me on more.
I let my fingers slide down further and felt the hole where the wetness slipped from. I couldn’t believe how damp I was. I couldn’t believe I was this … eager. It was pouring from me as though a dam had burst, and I would have thought there was something wrong with me if it didn’t feel so good. I tentatively pushed one finger inside myself, then another. It felt a little strange, the newness of it difficult to wrap my head around, but then I moved my fingers around and it felt good. Really good.
With my fingers inside me, I couldn’t help but let my mind drift to what I had seen the night before. Not Andrew, not him, but the look on Donna’s face while he had been taking her. I could almost imagine how it would feel to have a man fill me like that. How delicious it would be to have someone enter me, bury themselves all the way inside me. I moaned again, the vibrations running through my body at the mere thought of it. Years of holding back were rising inside of me, my body finding relief in everything that it had been hiding from.
"Oh my God," I gasped. Even after all those years, I struggled to use His name in vain, but in that moment, I couldn’t have cared less about anything, anything but the feelings building between my legs. I needed this. God, I needed this. I craved this more than anything in the world.
I was not surprised by how quickly the feeling was building within me. God, I needed this. I didn’t know how much I needed it until that moment. My other hand reached to grab something, finding the edge of the door to keep me upright, as the feeling built, and built, and then--
"Ah!” I cried out. It was loud, I knew everyone else had to have heard it. My entire lower half clenched up, and I sank to the ground. My hand was still trapped between my legs; my entire body trembling helplessly. The feeling exploded through my body, rushing around every nerve ending, switching me on in a way I had never been switched on before. I found myself laughing. The pure giddiness of all the endorphins rushing around my body drew the sound from between my lips--total elation. I couldn’t believe I had just done that. I knew the guilt would follow, but for now, it was worth it.
"Cindy?” a voice called through the door.
I jumped up, smoothing down my skirt. The smile was still on my face, and I did my best to straighten it out. "Yes?"
"We heard you yelling from the kitchen, are you all right?”
"I’m--I’m fine," I assured Thom, biting my lip. "I just stubbed my toe, that’s all."
"Oh," he replied, but he didn’t sound convinced. "You want to come through and join us for something to eat?"
"Of course," I replied. Suddenly, I was starving, like a veil had been lifted between me and what I actually felt. "I just need to … uh, I just need to wash up first."
"All right, see you in a minute.”
I grinned to myself again and closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the wood. It had happened. I had just let myself do that. After all this time waiting, I had given myself the gift I’d been denying myself for over twenty years. I knew, right there and then, that this was going to be far from the last time. This feeling was addictive, and I wasn’t willing to give it up ever again.
Chapter 4
Hand on your thigh
"Donna? Can I talk to you?" I asked nervously, practically dancing back and forth in the doorway of her bedroom.
It had been a week since I’d arrived, and Andrew had headed back home to my mother--I wondered if she was going to guess what he had been up to down here. Something told me she wouldn’t. Perhaps I should have told her, but there were bigger things going on in my life.
Donna looked up from her phone and raised her eyebrows at me expectantly. "What about?” she asked, tossing her phone onto her bed.
I glanced over at the screen before it clicked to black, and saw an older man’s face. He was handsome, with strong bone structure and gray-green eyes that seemed to glisten in the light. I bit my lip--I liked the look of him. That said, in my current state, I wasn’t sure there was a man out there I wouldn’t like the look of.