I opened the door to my bedroom quietly, trying not to let anyone else in the house know I was sneaking out of my room. I still felt sometimes that I was about to be busted in the act, told off for acting in such a way even though I was an adult now. Sneaking through the house like this, I was reminded of all the times Donna and I had crept out of our rooms in the middle of the night to steal food for midnight feasts; the two of us staying up late and talking about the books we had been reading and doing quizzes in the magazines we’d accumulated between us.
I pressed my ear to her door. I could hear distinct words being exchanged.
"Keep your voice down ..."
"Don’t worry, baby, they’re all asleep," Donna assured whoever was in bed with her. She moaned again, and I heard the buzzing pick up once more.
I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. As soon as I saw what was on the other side, I pulled it shut at once.
But the image was already burned into my brain. Donna and Andrew wrapped up in each other--he was behind her, she was on all fours, and he was pushed all the way into her … inside of her. He was holding a small plastic object, the source of the buzzing, between her thighs, and her head was tipped back in pure pleasure. It was written all over her face; for anyone who might have wanted to see it.
I stared into space for a moment, certain I must have just invented the image in my head. There was no way that could have been real. But the noises continued, the sound of their bodies moving together, and I knew I couldn’t have made that up. I had never heard it before, and it was so distinct and obvious. She had looked … My God, she had looked as though it was the greatest feeling in the world, being taken like that. I hadn’t been able to see his face, but I would have put good money on it expressing just the same thing, too.
I hurried back to my room and slammed the door shut behind me, hoping that if I closed it tight enough, they might hear it and know I’d caught them in the act. I dived back into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin, staring at the ceiling, eyes wide. I was sure I must have gotten something wrong, must have misread something, but it had been real. I could still hear them, as I lay there in bed, doing that to each other.
I wasn’t sure if I fell asleep again or just lay there all night trying to figure out what I had just seen, but soon enough, morning had come and Thom was up cooking breakfast for the lot of us. If he was aware of what had happened the night before, he was playing it close to his chest.
"You want some pancakes, Cindy?” he asked as he flipped one.
I shook my head. "No thanks, I’m not hungry ..."
Donna emerged, wearing nothing but a thin tank top and a pair of shorts, yawning. She poured herself a coffee and took a long sip, sighing with pleasure.
"Man, I needed that," she remarked as she flopped down in the chair next to mine.
"Didn’t sleep well last night?” Thom asked.
She shook her head. "No, I was tossing and turning all night long," she replied, smiling.
I just stared at her. How could she be this blatant? This bold? I could hardly look a strange man in the eye without feeling myself blush. I wondered if she knew I’d seen her in action last night, with the man who was meant to be committed to my mother? Would she even care if she did? Her cheeks were a little flushed and her hair was messy. She seemed utterly relaxed like there wasn’t a thing in the world she couldn’t have taken on if she’d wanted to. Was that how it made her feel? When I so much as thought about doing something like that, I felt as though my stomach was going to twist into a knot with the sheer guilt of it. But here she was, not just having sex, but having sex with a man who was already spoken for and strutting around like she owned the place.
"Morning," Andrew greeted us as he entered the kitchen a few moments later.
I couldn’t even look at him. I stared into the orange juice I had poured myself and wondered how long I had to sit there before I could make my escape. I couldn’t be in the room with the two of them, not after what I had seen them up to last night.
"I think I need to go wash up," I blurted out before I could stop myself. Nope, I couldn’t do it--I needed out of there, and quickly.
"Okay," Donna replied, furrowing her brow at me. "Is something …”
That’s when it seemed to hit her. She stopped in her tracks, and her eyebrows shot up. I expected her to act at least a little embarrassed, but she didn't so much as flinch.
"You mind if I join you?” she asked. "I could use a little help getting my hair sorted."
She got up and followed me out of the room. I knew there was no way to deny what I knew, not any longer. Besides, I didn’t want to. I wanted her to know what I knew. I wanted to look her in the eye and ask her what in the name of holy heck she had been doing with my stepfather.
She closed the kitchen door behind us carefully. I rounded on her before I could stop myself.
"I saw the two of you together last night," I told her. "You and Andrew. In your bed!"
"Yeah, I guessed from the look on your face you weren’t too happy," she replied, and she sounded a little exasperated, as though she couldn’t believe she was being forced into this conversation.
"You really think that’s an all right thing to do?” I demanded, lowering my voice. "I can't believe you would … that you would let something like that happen. It’s disgusting. It's not right--"
"Let something like that happen?” She laughed. "You say it like I had nothing to do with it. I didn’t let it happen, Cindy. I made it happen."
I stared at her. I couldn’t believe her. She seemed proud of it as though this was anything at all to be proud of. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. Remind her how crazy she was being. But there was a part of me that was curious. I had to know ... I couldn’t put my finger on it yet, but the energy she was exuding--wild and free and easy--was inspiring to me. I could almost feel it rubbing off on me, leaking over to fill my body just the same way it filled hers.
"But why did you do it?” I asked the question that had been plaguing me since I had walked in on them like that together. "You know he’s with someone. You know he’s so much older than you."
"Oh, trust me, Andrew’s not even close to the oldest guy I’ve ever had," she laughed.
She was thriving on my interest, I could tell, and even though I resented giving her the satisfaction, I just had to know what it was like.
"What do you mean?" I pressed.
"You’d be surprised at what some guys will give to sleep with someone who’s so much younger than them," she replied, a smile spreading across her face.
My eyebrows shot up. Every time I felt like I had a grasp on what she was saying to me, she would come out with something that sent my head spinning again.
"They pay you for it?” I gasped.
She shook her head. "No, But trust me, young pussy … they go crazy for it."
I fell silent. Even hearing that word made me blush. I could feel the heat rushing up and over my neck. Pussy, pussy, pussy. I had one of those between my legs, one with desires I had firmly ignored for as long as I could remember. But hearing it spoken out loud was enough to send a rush of want through my body. I knew that was crazy.