"Come on, let’s dance," she suggested, as a pop song came on. She grabbed my hand and I knew I didn’t have much of a choice.
I smiled as she led me on to the small, slightly sticky dance floor--it was hard not to when I was around her. She was so sweet and bubbly and fun, everything that I wanted to be. Or maybe it was just because the few sips of beer I’d had so far were starting to have an effect, and I was thoroughly enjoying the feeling of the alcohol moving through me. I felt as though my senses were a little dulled, but in the best way possible like all the shame had been turned down a little, to the point where I couldn’t hear it any longer. Man, it was a relief. I couldn’t remember the last time it hadn’t been there, screaming in the back of my head for me to pay attention to it.
Donna took my hands and danced with me. I just tried to move my body in the same way she did. I felt like I was a baby horse learning to walk, not quite sure how this limb worked alongside that one, but I did my best and soon I found the beat of the music and started to move with it.
"Hey, you sure you’ve never done this before?” She laughed as she put her hands on my hips and caught up with me. "You’re good at this!”
"I think I’ve got a ways to go before I’m good at it," I replied.
She leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "But I think the guy at the bar thinks you’re pretty perfect."
I glanced around to see who she was talking about. My eyes landed on the man staring at me.
He had to be a couple of decades older than me, but he wore it well. He didn’t look like the rest of the old drunks in this bar. He had dark hair, speckled with salt-and-pepper, and a little stubble that drew out the sharpness of his jaw. His eyes were greenish-gray and they were gazing at me like there was nobody else in the room. I flushed and looked away.
"What do I do?” I asked her urgently. I had no clue how I was meant to react to this man paying me so much attention. Did I wave him over seductively? Tell him to come join us?
"Watch me.” She pulled away from me, leaving me standing there on the dance floor all alone like an idiot. She grabbed a guy next to her, a cute man a few years older than us, and widened her eyes at him, playing innocent.
"You want to dance?” she asked, and the man nodded. She pulled him in close and wound her arms around him, looking deep into his eyes like he was the first man she had ever seen in her life. She made it look so damn easy, but it couldn’t work like that, could it?
The way the man was looking at her, I could tell she had him just where she wanted him. And she could have done it with any man in this bar. They would have fallen over themselves to make sure they were the center of her attention. She had that confidence; it came off her in waves. Maybe I needed a little of that, too.
But yet, there I was, just standing in the middle of the room, not sure where to look or what to do or who to talk to. I decided to head back to my beer at the bar, picking it up, I found that it was empty. I was about to flag down the bartender to ask for another when I noticed a presence beside me.
"Can I get you something?"
It was the man from before. Was he offering to buy me a drink? I took a deep breath and looked back at Donna, who already had a small group of men crowding around her. If she could do this, I could do it too, right?
"A beer would be great," I replied and settled into my seat. My heart was pounding in my chest. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I was letting a man buy me a drink. I had never done anything like it before in my life.
"Your friend out there seems like she’s pretty popular," he remarked.
I nodded. "She comes here a lot.”
"And you’re new in town?”
"Yeah, I guess I am," I agreed, feeling emboldened by the booze in my system.
"Well, that makes two of us," he grinned and extended his hand to me. "I’m Jason."
"Cindy," I replied, taking his hand.
As soon as our fingers touched, I felt a jolt of electricity, a thrill of something burning bright between us. Did he feel it too? From the way his eyes traced down my body, I would have gone ahead and guessed the answer was a yes.
"So, how long are you in town for?” he asked.
I shrugged. "Don’t know yet." I took a deep breath feeling bold as the next sentence came out of my mouth, "Depends on if I’m given a good enough reason to stay or not."
"And what might that good reason look like?” he shot back.
We were flirting. I was doing it. I couldn’t believe it, but I was actually doing it. I cocked an eyebrow, feeling as though an entirely different version of me was coming out to play.
"I’m not sure yet."
"Maybe I could show you," he replied, as he flagged down the bartender and ordered us both a drink.
I took a sip of the beer that arrived a moment later.
"And what does that look like, exactly?” I asked. I still needed him to take the lead, at least a little--I wasn’t sure how to conduct myself; where the line between flirty and slutty lay. Or even if I cared anymore. Donna had made sure to get low-alcohol beers for me, so I wouldn’t wind up getting shitfaced on my very first night out, but it was as though I could already feel them dancing through me.
"I’m more of a show guy, not tell," he replied and ran his hand briefly over my thigh. I shivered and was surprised to find I wanted him to touch me like that. I wanted him to touch me more than that.
"Then why don’t you show me?” I suggested.
A grin spread over his face, reaching his sharp eyes. "With pleasure."
He grabbed my hand and led me outside the bar. I knew this was dangerous, but I didn’t care. I felt like I needed it, needed all of it. After so long of hiding from everything, trying to play it good and safe and demure by pretending I didn’t want any part of this, I was ready to break free. I wanted all of it, everything the world could give me. I could smell his aftershave, deep and woody, and I wanted to bury my face in his neck. He must have thought of me as the kind of girl who did this all the time, and that very notion was enough to excite me. Maybe I would be, one day. Maybe I could be ...
As soon as we were far enough out of sight of the bar, he pushed me back against the wooden wall. His eyes were intent as they burned into mine, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. I had never been kissed before, not in my life, and yet here I was, my mouth inches from the lips of a man I had never met before.
"Kiss me," I breathed. And he did.
He leaned forward and planted his mouth against mine, slowly, softly. He tasted of scotch and something deeper, darker, more dangerous. I felt something give deep inside of me. I wanted this, so badly. I had no idea what I was doing, but I figured the best course of action was to just follow his lead. So, that’s exactly what I did.
I allowed him to part my lips with his tongue, sliding it deep into my mouth. He pressed his whole body against mine. I ran my fingers up his arms, feeling the strength of him beneath his shirt. He was so powerful, so masculine. I had never been this close to a man before, and the feeling of it was a little heady, but in the best possible way. I was pretty sure I was already obsessed with the way he felt against me. I slipped my arms around him and pulled him in closer, and suddenly I was aware of the fact that I could feel something hard pressing up against my hip. It took me a moment to figure out what it was, but then it hit me--his erection. He was getting hard just making out with me. I let out a moan, I couldn’t stop myself. I had never felt more powerful in my life.