The USB waited in the bus. It seemed insane that something so small and innocuous could change the world. Save the world.
Maybe. If Ezra was right. If Ezra’s code has any value. If the Evandale station still has people living in it. If they know what to do with the code. That’s a lot of ifs.
She tapped her fingers over the smooth ceramic mug. The cold air was burning her cheeks and nose, but at least her hands were warm. “Dorran, if it was just you and Beth—if I didn’t even exist—what would you do? Please. Be honest.”
His eyebrow quirked up. He chewed on his thoughts for a moment before answering. “That’s a difficult question. If I removed you from the equation—if it was just Beth, myself, and this bus—I suspect our paths would diverge quite soon.”
Clare tried not to let her disappointment show. She doesn’t like him. And now he doesn’t like her.
“On my own, I would probably try to take the USB to Evandale,” Dorran continued. He shrugged, his eyes on the stove’s small flames. “Winterbourne has never held much affection for me. If I were on my own, there would be no point in returning to it. What would I find there? Just loneliness and bad memories. But I would not like to wander the countryside aimlessly either. The USB would give me a purpose. Something to travel towards, even if I wasn’t likely to survive the journey.”
“That’s grim,” Beth said. For the first time, she was watching him with a hint of curiosity.
Dorran chuckled. “She asked for the truth. If Clare were gone, if I were on my own, I would have precious little to tether me here. I would take the USB to Evandale simply to have a purpose.”
“All right.” Beth leaned back in her seat. “Let me pose you a different hypothetical scenario. Take me out of the picture; it’s just you and Clare again. Except, in this case, Clare has no opinions about the USB. None at all. She would be equally happy on the road or going home. What do you do?”
“Then I would travel back to Winterbourne.” He answered without hesitation. “I would try to pass the USB on along the way. But my first priority would be to get us home, where we would be relatively comfortable and safe.”
“Hah,” Beth said.
Clare closed her eyes. I knew it. He’ll match my vote, but deep down, he just wants to get home.
Dorran continued, “But all of that is ultimately irrelevant.”
“How?” Beth narrowed her eyes.
“Clare does have an opinion about what we should do. And it is a fiercely strong opinion.”
“She thinks she knows what she wants,” Beth said. “But that doesn’t mean it’s what’s best for her.”
He tilted his head, his eyes still on his mug. “I’ve seen her like this before. When she heard that your air filtration system had broken, she wanted to travel to you, but she tried to give me an equal say in our decision. I could have convinced her to stay at Winterbourne. I could have talked her out of looking for you. But the guilt would have eaten away at her day after day, for the remainder of her life. So, we left.”
Beth’s eyes were as cold as ice. “And that decision could have killed her. From the sounds of it, it nearly did.”
“Some things are more important than simply staying alive.”
“That’s insanity, and you know it.”
Clare stared at Dorran. His words clicked into place, and it made her heart hurt. Some things are more important than simply staying alive. He’d experienced that first-hand; living under his mother’s tyranny, with no freedom and no future, he had learned that sometimes life itself was not enough.
Dorran shrugged. His expression was mild, but Clare was surprised to see he wasn’t trying to hide his emotions. The shutters were gone. “It does not matter. I know how Clare wants to vote, and based on that, I know how I want to vote. We will travel to Evandale. You can join us, or you can wait for us at Winterbourne. I will give you directions to find it, if you like.”
Beth gaped at him. She was sheet white. Furious tremors ran through her, and she squeezed the mug so tightly that Clare was afraid it would crack. “You’re enabling bad decisions.”
“Decisions that she is entitled to make. Just like it is my choice to travel with her.”
Beth stood. She seemed to be fighting to keep some exceptionally harsh words inside of her. She upended the mug over the mud, emptying the last of her tea, then stalked back into the minibus. The door slammed behind her.
Clare felt as though she’d been caught in the middle of a hurricane. She sat, quietly shocked, then turned towards Dorran. He sipped his tea. Clare needed a moment to find her voice. “Where did that come from?”
“I realised a few things.” He spoke with his usual gentleness, but there was a renewed confidence in his eyes. “Last night, I realised I needed to fight for you.”
Clare’s mind jumped back to the ring. It was still tucked into the coat’s pocket in the bus. “No, Dorran, I promise, I’m not—”
“Shh, do not worry. I understand that.” He reached over the space between them and took her hand. His voice dropped, and his eyes focussed on the ground. Clare knew he was admitting something painful to him. “I am… not used to fighting for things. Once, wanting something was synonymous with being denied it. Fighting for something meant losing and losing badly. And I am so used to it that it is hard to change.”
She pressed his hand, and in return, he ran his thumb across her fingers, tenderly, as though savouring the way they felt.
“I value your affection more than anything, but I have held you gently, ready to let you go the moment you wish to be free. But what message does that send to you?” His eyebrows pulled together, and his voice dropped even lower. “How many times can I offer you your freedom before you begin to feel you are not valued? Do you know how intensely, how ferociously you are wanted?”
“I do.”
“Not enough.” He chuckled, then he raised the hand and kissed it, his warm lips lingering over her skin. “I am going to fight for you, my darling. It does not matter if Beth does not want me here; I will be here, for as long as you allow me.”
Emotions struggled through her. She loved Dorran. She also loved Beth. Feeling them pull against each other was more painful than she had ever imagined. The words came out before she could stop them. “Please don’t be angry with her.”
He looked surprised, then he smiled, kissing her hand again. “I am not. Of course I am not. That is the second thing I realised, and it took me until this morning to understand it. Beth and I are two sides of the same coin. We both care about you deeply. We just have different ways of showing it.”
Heat rose over her face. “It’s just—I don’t want her to feel like I’m cutting her out of my life—”
“No. She will be coming with us. I’m sure of it.” He tilted his head towards the bus. “She can’t conceive of staying at Winterbourne without you, any more than I can.”
“But she’s going to hate this. It’s a huge risk. And she hates risks more than anything.”
“Does she? She drove to Helexis Tower’s doorstep based on curiosity. If all she wanted was to find a safe location, she had many opportunities. But it seems to me that safety has only become a priority since she was reconnected with you.”