The lights at the front of the bus were on. Beth had left the rest of the van dark, but the warm glow floating out from the driver’s seat helped to dispel some of the shadows. The engine was running, and the heater was on. Beth had said it was a waste of fuel the day before. But now, a gentle warmth radiated around them.
Sunlight came through the gaps in the windows. It was insipid and grey, but she didn’t care. It was the first natural light she’d seen in days.
A thick blanket had been draped over Clare. It had been tucked around her chin carefully, the way Beth had done when Clare was a child. Clare slowly, groggily sat up and looked towards the back of the bus. Dorran still slept. A blanket had been placed over him too. Beth hadn’t tucked it in, though. Instead, she’d tossed it over his form, almost carelessly. Despite that, Clare hoped she could take it as a good sign.
“Morning.”
Beth sat in the navigator’s seat, her legs propped up on the armrest as she examined the map. Her tone was clipped but not angry. The last scraps of sleepiness faded from Clare. “Good morning.”
“What do you want for breakfast? We have cereal or tinned fruit.”
Beth kept her attention on the map. Clare licked her lips. Are we just going to ignore last night? Ignore the fight, ignore that she saw me hugging Dorran? Just… pretend none of it happened?
The surrealism was too much for her to handle. The question—what do you want for breakfast?—was a familiar morning greeting. Beth had to know she was hearkening back to old days. But the words were said with none of the cheerfulness Beth had once imbued.
“Um. Either is fine. Whatever you have more of.”
Finally, Beth looked at her. The expression was strange. There was sadness and resignation, but something else mixed into it too. She folded her map and put it aside. “Hell, we made it through the night. That means today is a good day, and we deserve good food. I’ll get you some of both. Wake your friend.”
Beth opened the door and stepped outside. Clare hesitated a second, then she stood, folded her blanket, and approached Dorran.
He was already awake. He rolled to his feet as she neared him, a silent question dancing in his eyes. Is everything all right?
She didn’t know how to answer that. She took his hand and squeezed it. Then they paced down the bus’s aisle to reach the door.
Cold air gusted around them as they stepped outside. The cloth shelter was still out, but there was no rain to warrant it. Clare blinked in the early-morning light. Mist coiled around their hill, moving in slow, lazy bands as weak puffs of air disturbed it. Condensation rose from her mouth with every exhalation.
“Shut the door to keep the warmth in.” Beth had already turned on the portable cooker and was heating water over it. She nodded. “Then go get yourselves a seat.”
“Is it going to be safe to sit out here?”
“Yes. The sun’s up. They won’t come back into the open unless we make too much noise.”
As Clare closed the bus door, she saw the outside of the van had taken a beating from the hollows’ exploration. The foldable chairs had been knocked over and dragged a dozen feet away. The plyboard over the windows was marred with scratches and, in some places, dark blood from where a hollow’s nail had been broken off. The wet ground had been churned into mud in a ring around the vehicle, and even its white sides bore more scrapes than Clare remembered.
She went to retrieve the chairs and, with Dorran, set them up in a circle around the stove. Beth poured the boiled water into three mugs and used a single teabag to infuse them all. She passed the cups out without saying a word, then she slid into her own seat, staring at the steam rising from her drink.
The silence lasted a minute. Clare couldn’t bear it. She scuffed her shoes over the ground. “So, um—”
“I’m trying to apologise.” Beth looked up from her cup. Tight creases surrounded her eyes, and Clare realised they were rimmed with red. “I’ve been… having a lot of trouble handling the still world. I’m sorry for the way I’ve spoken to you. Both of you.”
Dorran’s eyebrows rose. He glanced at Clare then cleared his throat. “Thank you.”
Beth pursed her lips as she shuffled her grip on her cup. “I guess I got caught up in the way things used to be. When I could tell you what was best for you, Clare, and you’d listen. But you’re not a child anymore. And I can’t treat you that way.”
Beth saw me with Dorran last night. She thinks I’m building a life without her. She’s scared I’m going to leave her.
Clare swallowed around a lump in her throat. “I know. Everything’s different since the stillness… including us, I guess.”
“Yeah.” Beth’s eyes drifted from Clare to Dorran. “I guess we all change.”
In the distance, a hollow howled in the mountains. Clare flinched at the noise, but it didn’t seem to bother Beth. She took a slow breath. “Last night, I wanted to be angry with you for running out into the rain and yelling like that. You were basically a beacon for those hollows. I was furious, at first, but then I thought about whose fault it really was. Me, for going into the rain first. If our positions had been reversed, would I have waited quietly for you to come back? I don’t think so.”
More hollows answered the first call. Even though they weren’t close, the noise left Clare uncomfortable.
Beth scratched the back of her neck. “Then, I thought some more. Was it really fair to get mad at you for visiting Helexis Tower, when I did exactly the same thing?”
Clare struggled to find her voice. “It’s okay.”
“No. It’s not. I’ll be better from now.” Beth sighed and swallowed a mouthful of her tea. When she lifted her head, it held a look of deep resignation, as though she dreaded the answer to her next question. “We still have to decide what we’re going to do with that bloody USB. After talking about how few true democracies exist in this new world, I should put my money where my mouth is and give you both equal rights. We have three parties here. We vote on what we should do with the stick.”
Chapter Six
Clare’s stomach was in knots. She squeezed her mug, even though it was hot enough to almost scald the skin. The USB held incredible potential. And the right choice seemed clear to her.
But what was right for the rest of the world wasn’t going to be what was best for her own little group. Beth’s words from the day before echoed in her mind: You do whatever you want then expect other people to clean up the mess. She deflected. “Beth. You first.”
“I don’t want to have anything to do with it.” Beth shrugged. “Give it away, burn it, bury it, build it a little boat and let it sail down the river. I just don’t want that thing on our shoulders.”
Clare squirmed. She looked at Dorran. “What about you?”
“You first,” he said.
He’s going to match my vote.
At any other time, his loyalty would have warmed Clare. In that moment, though, it filled her with quiet dread. It essentially negated Beth’s vote entirely and gave Clare all the power.
The trip to Evandale would be dangerous. It was days away, and they didn’t know what obstacles might stand between them. Dorran was sick. Beth didn’t want to go. The best thing for all of them would be to return to Winterbourne and shore up their defences.