31
Emma
Back home from work, I park the car. A few minutes later Tomas is standing on my doorstep in his smart City suit and Hugo Boss coat, brown eyes smiling into mine.
‘Is everything all right?’ I ask.
‘Yes. But I would like to talk to you. Can I step inside?’
‘Do I need to remind you about Jade’s attitude to our relationship?’
He shakes his head. ‘You don’t need to worry about Jade. Her bark is worse than her bite.’
‘Good job.’
He laughs, mouth curving into a wide smile. ‘And she’s at a late Pilates class, so she won’t know I’m here.’
‘Even better job,’ I reply. ‘If Jade is out, of course you can come in.’
He steps into my hallway. He rummages in his coat pocket, pulls out a gift bag and hands it to me.
‘What have I done to deserve this?’ I ask.
‘I just wanted to say thanks for helping me with my teeth.’
I open the bag and pull out my gift. Black cashmere gloves. Softer than soft.
‘They’re exquisite, thanks.’
A grin. ‘I just didn’t want you to think I was taking you for granted.’
‘I was pleased to help. I didn’t think that.’ I pause. ‘Would you like to stay for a cup of tea, or do you need to get back?’
‘I’d love a cup.’
He follows me into the kitchen. I lay the gloves on the windowsill and put the kettle on. I make a pot of tea and pour us both a cup. We sit opposite one another at my kitchen table.
‘I know Jade’s attitude towards you is difficult, but I need to maintain my relationships with my friends. I need to fight back.’
He leans across the table and takes my hand. Is this friendship? Or is Jade right? I do not want to get in between a warring couple. I pull my hand away.
32
Jade
I lied, telling you I would be out at a late Pilates class tonight. I parked my Porsche around the corner, outside the church hall, to confuse you about my whereabouts. Now I’m hiding in her garden, behind the rhododendron bush, warmly dressed. Puffa jacket. Beanie hat. Watching your every move. Watching my breath condense in front of me as I breathe. The rhododendron bush is in full bloom, its blood-red flowers dropping petals. Its spicy scent enveloping me.
I knew you were unreliable. I’ve been putting up with your infidelity for years. So many other women. But this is the end of the line; giving the Stereotype my present. Seventy-nine-pound cashmere gloves, lying on her windowsill. Seventy-nine-pound cashmere gloves from Brora that should have been for me. The present I was so excited about.
You are sitting holding hands with your loved one.
It’s over between us, Tomas. I cannot put up with this any more.
Memories
It wasn’t just violence. It was far more invasive than that.
I remember coming home from school on a soft spring day, not long before I sat my GCSEs. Sitting in the kitchen, filling out my application for sixth form. Mother frying chicken thighs in butter for her signature chicken casserole, the warm aroma making me feel hungry. But it would be hours before it was ready to eat. Dad, home from work early, was sitting next to me, leaning over my shoulder.
‘Science A levels? Is that really what you want to do? You’re punching above your weight,’ he said in his sharp, shrill voice. The voice I had grown to hate.
I looked up. His eyes were hard and flat; lips pinched.
‘I need science A levels, I want to be a scientist, not sure which type.’
A smile. Insincere. Mocking. ‘A scientist? Science is complicated. I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Wouldn’t you rather be a big fish in a small bowl than try something too ambitious?’
‘It’s what I’m interested in, Dad. I need to try.’
A dry laugh. ‘Try being the operative word, don’t you think?’
‘Whether try is operative or not, I’m going to go for it.’
‘Good for you. Good for you.’ There was a pause. ‘But I’ll eat my hat if you succeed.’
33
Emma
Jade is standing on my doorstep, short hair sharp and shiny, make-up-free face scrubbed and washed. She stretches her mouth into a smile.
‘I wondered whether you’d like to come around again. For a drink? A girls’ night?’
I’m not in the mood for difficult company. ‘What date did you have in mind?’ I ask, determined that whatever date the Clusterfuck suggests I intend to be out.
‘Well, Tomas is away at the moment. So any night except Wednesday. Wednesday night is book club. Apart from that I’m around all week.’
I can’t be unavailable every night. She has already asked me three times. I take a deep breath. I might as well get it over with. ‘What about tomorrow, then?’
‘Tomorrow’s good,’ the Clusterfuck snaps back. ‘See you at eight p.m.’
34
Alastair
I can’t get you out of my mind, Emma. Your silken hair. Your taut body. Your emerald eyes. I love you. I so want to make our relationship work. I need to hold you. I need to see you. To inhale your scent. Taste your breath. I need to catch up midweek.
I call your mobile. It rings ten times, then you pick up.
‘Alastair, how are you doing?’
Your voice sounds cheery and positive. Pleased to hear from me.
‘Fine. Good.’ I pause. ‘I was just wondering whether I could pop over for a drink tonight?’
‘I’m sorry, but I’m going to Jade’s.’
‘Tonight? I thought you didn’t tend to socialise midweek? And I know you don’t like Clusterfuck.’
‘She coerced me. I couldn’t get out of it.’
Is it poster boy Tomas who really invited you? ‘Will Tomas be there?’ I ask.
‘No. He’s travelling on business apparently. It’s just me and her.’
I laugh. ‘A mind-blowing party. You and Clusterfuck. I’m jealous.’
‘Come and join us if you like.’
‘No thanks, I’ll pass.’
35
Jade
You stand on my doorstep holding a bunch of lilies in your hand. You pass them to me with a smile. ‘Thanks for inviting me.’
As you step inside I silently admire your dress. Navy velvet caresses your slender figure. Your blonde hair falls in carefully blow-dried ringlets. How many hours a day do you spend manufacturing your appearance? Do you realise there is always a whiff of artificiality about you that spoils your perfect looks? We walk into my boudoir with the bar in it. My main drawing room.
‘I’ve made you my favourite cocktail,’ I say.
I give you a simpering smile as I pour it. I hand it to you. ‘Thanks,’ you say.
I put some music on to relax us. Fingal’s Cave by Mendelssohn.
You take a sip of your drink. I haven’t touched mine yet.
‘Delicious. What’s in it?’
‘My secret recipe with cherry liqueur.’
Do you really think I will tell you the truth? Rohypnol. My favourite drug.