23
Emma
A man I hardly know – who has made no advances towards me – in love with me? And I’m a stereotype? Why did such a clusterfuck have to move next door to me? I stand up to leave.
Memories
I raced downstairs, and pushed the living room door open. My mother was lying on the floor, curled in a ball, holding her stomach, groaning softly. I stepped towards her and bent down.
‘What can I do to help?’
She opened her eyes. ‘Where is he?’ she asked.
‘Upstairs.’
She grimaced and sat up, still holding her stomach.
‘He’ll be all right now. His temper is over.’
I sat next to her on the floor. She put her arm around me. She smelt of blood and fear.
24
Alastair
I’m in the Henley Pizza Express with Stephen, for our Thursday night treat. Sitting at a table by the window. Stephen’s eyes shine with anticipation as he orders the American Hot and dough balls. As he sips a pint of Coke.
‘Daddy, Daddy,’ he asks. ‘Can I see a photo of your girlfriend Emma?’
I pull my iPhone out of my pocket and tap to unlock it. Emma’s golden face shines from my screen. I hand my phone across to him and he grabs it eagerly and sits staring at it, engrossed. He lifts his head.
‘She’s pretty, isn’t she? She looks like Dr Who.’
I frown, confused for a second.
‘Dr Who?’
Then I realise how out of touch I am. Dr Who is no longer a man, but a very striking female actor.
‘Well, yes. Although I think Emma is even prettier than Dr Who when you actually see her.’
‘Wow, Daddy. When do I get to do that?’
My body tightens. ‘Soon. Soon,’ I say, wanting that to be true. But, so far, Emma has not shown any enthusiasm to meet my son.
‘Do you love her, Daddy?’
Fortunately for me, he is distracted by the arrival of the starters. Anything I say will doubtless go straight back to Heather, so I need to be guarded at all times. An acrimonious divorce is a constant battle that rattles on for years. Despite the fact she left me, Heather seems disproportionally jealous of anyone I have the audacity to be friendly with. Let alone Emma, who I sleep with.
Stephen wolfs his dough balls. I pick at my Caesar salad, wincing every time I hit on an anchovy.
He looks across at me. ‘Are you a bad man, Daddy?’
I splutter into my beer. ‘Of course not. What a strange thing to say.’
‘Mummy says you are.’
‘Look, Stephen, sometimes when a couple split up, they say things about each other that aren’t true, because they’re upset and angry.’
‘Do you tell lies about Mummy then?’
I shake my head. ‘Of course not.’
‘Then why does she tell lies about you?’
I tap my fingers on the table, nervously. ‘Stephen, I can assure you I’m not a bad man. You know that really, don’t you?’
He looks at me wide-eyed and nods his head. ‘Mummy must have been joking.’
The waitress arrives with our pizzas. Stephen starts to tuck into his greedily. As if he hasn’t eaten for a week. Melted cheese drips down his chin.
‘But it didn’t seem funny. She sounded as if she really meant it,’ he says.
‘Your mother is always cross about something.’
He wipes the cheese from his chin with his napkin. ‘No she isn’t, Daddy. I have a lot of fun with Mummy and Shelly.’
I try to stop my lip curling in distaste at the thought of fun with Shelly and Mummy. I suspect they take drugs and go picking up men together. Drinking heavily. Crossing boundaries.
‘What sort of fun?’ I push, not sure I want to hear the answer. Knowing I must find out.
‘Laughing, singing, playing games.’
And suddenly I see Heather, as she was when I first met her. In a pub with a group of friends. Sharing a joke, head back laughing. It was the sense of fun that pulled me towards her. Fun without responsibility. Fun that went too far with other men instead of me, so far that she left.
25
Jade
Siobhan has Tomas on her side, and together they have forced me into a joint counselling session. We are sitting in her office, in a triangle of high-backed armchairs. Tomas is sitting too close to me. I can’t bear to look at him, so I look at the oatmeal carpet. At the magnolia walls. The room smells of vanilla and cinnamon. Siobhan must hope that the reed diffusers she uses will affect my psyche.
I do not look at Tomas, but I know he is leaning back in his chair, in a daydream, thinking of you, Emma. And you are probably thinking of him as well. He is good-looking. Too good-looking. Overwhelming and enticing. A face that never changes. Always beautiful. Never tired. Never groggy.
Siobhan tosses her exuberant hair. ‘Shall we make a start?’
I nod my head.
‘Yes,’ Tomas says and his resonant voice spreads like honey across the room.
Siobhan looks across at him and smiles. Tomas always makes women smile. She leans forwards.
‘You start, Tomas. What would you like to say to Jade?’
‘I love you Jade. Always have. Always will.’
The words trip off his tongue. So casual. So complacent. How many times do I have to listen to his lies?
26
Emma
Tomas steps into my consulting room to have his crown fitted. Smart City suit. George Clooney eyes. He hugs me and kisses me lightly on both cheeks. Is this friendship? Or is he coming on to me? I step away from him and frown.
‘What’s the matter?’ he asks.
‘I don’t think I should treat you any more.’
His mouth drops open in surprise. ‘Why ever not?’
‘Jade thinks you’re in love with me. We need to be careful. Keep away from each other. She seems most unhinged.’
‘You have to treat me. You’re my dentist. I don’t want to see someone else halfway through my treatment.’
I shake my head.
‘I should have explained,’ he continues. ‘She’s unwell. But it’s under control, with the right meds. Believe me. Please don’t worry. Please let me continue as your patient. She’ll be like this whoever I go to.’
‘Even if it’s a man?’
‘Then she’ll decide I’m bisexual or gay.’
I shake my head. ‘You really, really need to sort things out with her.’
‘Our marriage is fine. When she is balanced we have an excellent relationship.’
An excellent relationship? I’m aghast. How can anyone have an excellent relationship with someone who is so unwell?
‘It must be hard,’ I say.
‘Sometimes. But then she can be wonderful in between. The best wife out there.’
The best wife? Is he in denial? Fooling himself?
He takes my hands in his. ‘Please, please fit my crown. I’m really busy at work. I’m here now. I don’t have much time to arrange to go anywhere else.’
‘OK, if you’re sure. I don’t want to cause any trouble between you.’
He smiles his generous smile. ‘Sure, I’m sure.’