‘Not good. I’m sure Tomas is at it again. With a dentist this time.’
‘Have you discussed this with him?’ She pauses. ‘Do you want to come and see me together?’
I sigh. ‘I have asked him. And, as usual, he denies it.’
Siobhan shakes her head and frowns. I watch her tapered nails tapping together.
‘We’ve been through this, so many times. You know he loves you. You know you perceive this situation incorrectly because of your paranoia. I know it’s difficult for you because of your illness, but you need to trust him.’
I shake my head. ‘I can’t. I just can’t.’ I take a deep breath. ‘And you’re not helping. You’re making me feel bullied and bulldozed into accepting things. Things no woman should have to accept.’
I want to be alone. To scream and cry. To stand on a mountaintop and holler.
Siobhan’s eyes widen in sympathy. ‘I think you need another course of CBT. And I’m going to up your dose of Valium.’ There is a pause. ‘But please, come and see me with Tomas. You always seem so much better after the therapy sessions he is involved in. Try and accept it, Jade. He supports you so much.’
20
Emma
The internal telephone chirrups into my consulting room. I pick up.
‘Your next patient is here. Tomas Covington,’ Andrea announces.
‘Send him in,’ I instruct.
A few minutes later he is stepping towards me. ‘Hello, Emma. Thanks for fitting me in.’
‘My pleasure. Let me take your coat and briefcase.’ I put them on the chair in the corner. ‘Do sit down, make yourself comfy.’
‘Isn’t that a contradiction in terms, when I’m about to have my tooth ground to a stub to anchor a crown?’
‘It should be fine when the anaesthetic kicks in.’ I pause. ‘How has your mouth been?’
‘The pain has gone. I love you for that.’
‘I know you’re only joking, but I don’t think Jade would appreciate what you just said.’
His face crumples. ‘No. I’m sorry; you’re right.’
‘It’s just that whenever I see her it’s clear she’s very suspicious of us both.’ There is a pause. ‘She implied that you only needed dental work so that you could see me. So, I’m feeling sensitive.’
He raises his eyebrows. ‘She must be joking. Who’d want root canal treatment, however hot the dentist?’
‘Exactly. Even if the dentist was Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio, I’d rather have my teeth intact.’ I shake my head. ‘OK, OK. Come on, sit in the chair, try and relax. I’m taking the mould for your crown today and will then fit the temporary one. You’ll need to come back to have the permanent one fitted in a few weeks, when it’s ready.’
Tomas does as I ask, as Tania puts on classical music. Swan Lake by Tchaikovsky slices into the room as I make up the anaesthetic.
‘Open wide,’ I instruct.
He puts his head back and stretches his mouth. I inject his gum.
‘OK. You can relax now while you wait for the anaesthetic to work.’ He closes his mouth and his eyes. He lies in the chair, almost asleep. I stand looking at him. At his sculptured face. Is Jade hard on him because he is charming and beautiful? Or is he as unreliable as she says? For a second I’m back watching her face spitting towards me, telling me the dates of his visits.
Tania and I busy ourselves preparing for the procedure. We work together like a well-oiled machine, as we have been crowning teeth for so long. Tania readies the drill for me. I arrange the mould. As the anaesthetic begins to work I make an impression of Tomas’ teeth with dental putty. He is a very obliging patient, still and uncomplaining.
Shaping the tooth ready for the crown is the tricky bit. Slowly, carefully, I grind the remainder of the dead tooth to a square peg. Bits of bone and spittle flying everywhere. Now that I’m peering down his throat, Tomas does not seem quite as attractive as before.
Nearly there. I put cord around the base of the tooth, to expose it and make sure we get a good fit. Tania prepares the temporary crown, shooting the acrylic into the mould of his tooth. She keeps a spot out on a tray so that we can see how it sets. Then the most uncomfortable part for him. Clamping the mould with the temporary crown into his mouth and making sure he doesn’t move while it sets.
A perfect patient, still as stone.
It’s done. I remove the clamp. Then I check the bite and drill it back a little.
‘All done,’ I announce. ‘You can rinse.’
21
Jade
You are back at Willow Bank Dental Surgery. I stand outside and watch you slip out of the chair, pull on your coat and hold her body against yours before you leave. Not again Tomas. Please don’t do it to me again. I’ve tried taking more Valium, but it is not a magic pill. Taking Valium has not changed the situation. I know you are in love with someone else.
Memories
Trembling like a leaf in the woody darkness of the wardrobe. Back pressed against the door. Surrounded by dust and fear. By air that tasted musty. By coats we never wore, flapping in my face. Trying to close my mind to the sound of Mother’s piercing screams. Then the screaming stopped.
Footsteps. Clumping up the stairs. My father was calling my name. I could hear him padding across the landing. I moved to the back of the wardrobe, closed my eyes and rolled into a ball. I wanted to go away. I wanted to be anywhere but there. My heart was thumping like a piston in my chest. Blood pulsated and thrashed against my eardrums. I was fighting for air, breathing quickly.
Slowly, slowly, the wardrobe door creaked open. I opened my eyes. My father was peering in. Eyes spitting. Red-faced with anger. My heart beat faster. Faster than I had ever felt it.
‘Get out of there,’ he yelled. ‘Now.’
I scrambled out on all fours and stood up in front of him. Heart still racing. Ears still buzzing.
‘Your mother has fallen in the sitting room. Go downstairs and help her.’
22
Jade
‘Thank you for coming to lunch again, Emma.’
You smile your angelic smile; saccharine and artificial. ‘My pleasure. What did you want to talk about?’
Noise swirls around the coffee bar. I push through the background chatter.
‘Tomas,’ I announce.
You sit up. Your face straightens. Trying to cover up your feelings, aren’t you, Emma? You shake your head.
‘Are you worried about him?’ you ask.
‘I’m worried about myself, in fact.’ I pause. ‘I want to make Tomas love me, like he loves you, Emma.’
You splutter into your coffee cup. You compose yourself and lean across the table towards me.
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ Your voice is rising in pitch. ‘He doesn’t love me, Jade,’ you continue. ‘I hardly know you both. We’ve all only just met. I’m his dentist. You’re his wife. It’s you he’s in love with.’
‘I knew, from the first moment I saw you, that you two would be together. You are his type. Most men’s type. A template. A stereotype.’