The first time, it was eight months before she was allowed to go back and live with her mum again and was reunited with Hailey. After that, it was a cycle that was repeated with a dreadful regularity until she was eighteen and was spat out of the care system.
Life changed when she went to university, funded from a bursary for underprivileged children. A label she’d felt was tattooed on her forehead, making her a silent teenager, a wisp of a girl who slid in and out of rooms unnoticed, just keeping herself to herself and studying with a grim determination to make a better life.
She shuddered, shaking the thoughts from her mind, letting them fall away as she gazed around the beautiful room they had created, the wonderful home she and Matt had worked hard to afford. She had everything she’d ever wished for and never expected to achieve. Don’t ever take it for granted, she cautioned herself, aware that her tiredness had made her snappy recently. Her gaze settled on the studio portrait that hung on the dining-room wall. My family. Her heart swelled with love as her eyes moved from face to face. They were all that mattered, and she knew she’d do anything, anything at all, to keep them happy.
Chapter Two
Three weeks later
‘I’ll be late tonight,’ Matt said, as he grabbed his bag and took his car keys from the hook next to the back door. He was a snappy dresser when it came to work, one of those men who actually looked good in a suit, his brown hair kept short at the sides, combed back on top, his face clean-shaven, bucking the facial-hair trend.
‘What? Again?’ Sara couldn’t hide her desperation. ‘I’m supposed to be going to see that tribute band tonight with Hailey.’
Matt stopped and turned. ‘Christ, is that tonight?’ He looked surprised, even though she’d been talking about it only the night before, reading out the rave reviews, her excitement mounting.
‘Yes.’ She closed the door of the dishwasher more forcefully than usual and dried her hands on a tea towel. ‘It is tonight. I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks. You know I have.’
It wasn’t often she went out, and managing to coordinate a date with her sister, free from the distraction of children, had become as rare as hen’s teeth. Hailey worked for a charity that supported young people in crisis; they were short-staffed and her work hours were variable, as she had to be on call. Recently, every time they’d tried to go out for an evening together, just the two of them, an emergency had flared up and Hailey had cancelled. But this time, she’d promised Sara she’d move heaven and earth to make sure they got to the gig. Now it was Sara who would have to cancel.
Matt pulled an apologetic face. ‘It’s work, I’m afraid. I told you we lost that big contract and it’s all hands on deck to try and pull more work in.’ He glanced towards the door, keys jingling in his hand. ‘I know I’m working stupid hours, but I’ve got no choice.’
‘Oh Matt, we’ve had this organised for months.’ Her words clogged in her throat and she looked at the floor while she tried to wrestle a surge of emotion under control. ‘You know that. And I told you—’
The door slammed shut.
She looked up and hurled the balled-up tea towel at the space where her husband had been standing, snarling with frustration. Yet again, her plans had to make way for his. For the last few months he’d been working late most weekdays, except for Thursdays, when he went to football training with the girls after work, an activity he magically managed to make time for. Then there was the obligatory Saturday out with the lads, going to the match and then on somewhere after. No question. No interruptions to his plans.
She took a deep breath, reminded herself they relied on his income to pay the bills and it wasn’t his fault if he had to work long hours. But still… She’d been really looking forward to a few hours of proper relaxation, a time to kick back, be herself and forget for just a little while that she was a mother and a wife, not to mention administrator at the busy community centre.
With an exasperated sigh, she slipped her phone out of her back pocket and dialled her sister to tell her there’d been a change of plan, leaning on the worktop while it rang.
‘Hiya!’ Hailey sounded cheery and upbeat this morning, which made Sara cringe. She hated cancelling plans. ‘How’s things?’
‘Oh… you know.’ It wasn’t possible to explain in a sentence how things really were. That would take a few hours and probably a bottle of wine for Dutch courage if she was going to be completely honest. ‘Fine, everything’s fine.’ From the despondent tone of her voice, this was obviously a long way from the truth.
‘Well, you don’t sound fine. You sound like someone’s stolen your secret chocolate stash.’ Hailey laughed. Sara burst into tears. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ Hailey said, suddenly concerned.
Sara sniffed, unable to speak for a moment, and when she finally found her voice, it sounded thin and weedy, not like her at all. ‘I’m going to have to cancel tonight.’
‘Oh no! I’ve been looking forward to seeing Fake That for ages!’
‘Matt’s got to work late.’
Hailey cursed under her breath, then said, ‘It’s your day off, isn’t it? Are you at home? I’m in town, not far away, and I’m kicking my heels for half an hour or so, waiting for social services to get their shit together. Shall I come round?’ Sara tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but couldn’t seem to manage it, her silence enough of an answer for her sister. ‘I’ll be there in ten,’ Hailey said, before she rang off.
Sara put her phone back in her pocket, grabbed a piece of kitchen roll and wiped her wet cheeks, slightly panicked. What have I done? She generally kept her problems to herself, reluctant to open up to Hailey, who could be like a Rottweiler when it came to protecting her from upset. She didn’t want her sister having a go at Matt. It’s not his fault there are problems at work. The poor man was slogging away day after day to keep them comfortable, and Sara’s minimum-wage job was little real help where their finances were concerned. In fact, once you took out childcare costs, there wasn’t much left.
It’s not about money, though, is it? She gave herself a mental shake, pushing her negative thoughts to the back of her mind where they belonged. She sniffed and took a couple of deep breaths to chase away the tears. It’s just tiredness, she told herself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you silly woman.
She scanned the room, her heart giving a little skip when she registered the mess, the detritus of family life littering every flat surface. She leapt into action, scurrying round shoving things out of sight as best she could. No time to do anything about the dust, or the dirty windows, or the crumbs on the floor, she decided as she bundled an armful of children’s clothes behind the sofa.
As much as she loved her sister, they weren’t in and out of each other’s houses, and in Sara’s eyes this was a bit of a godsend. Hailey was a complete neat freak, thanks to the training she’d received from one of her foster parents. She’d become worse now that her daughter, Cassie, had gone off to uni and she was on her own. She liked everything lined up just so, every surface clean, floors spotless, windows gleaming, making Sara feel completely hopeless in the home-making department.