Ex sat rigidly in the dark limousine, staring out of the tinted windows as heavy raindrops pelted the hood. It was a gloomy January morning, the sky gray and overcast with storm clouds, a fitting ambiance for a funeral. It would have been senseless to waste the sun’s radiance on such a somber occasion. He kept his mouth in a firm line as he watched the funeral home attendants lower his baby brother’s casket into the ground. He shouldn’t have felt this upset or hurt—he wasn’t supposed to feel anything—but he did.
Ex had his elbow braced on the window’s ledge, his fist resting lightly against his chin. He stroked his ever-present stubble as he watched a tall, stocky man embrace his grieving mother. He unclenched his fist after recognizing Mr. Harold, his mother’s boyfriend of the past seven months. He’d researched him just like he background-checked anyone who entered his family’s life. He wished it could be him holding his mother and telling her it was going to be okay. But he couldn’t. He’d long ago accepted that harsh reality.
“I can make it happen.” His partner’s deep voice cut the silence like a knife.
Ex didn’t flinch, unable to be startled by Meridian. His imposing presence was always there. The two of them trained to function at their best when they were together... and they were. He knew what his partner was offering him but it was forbidden. They were already breaking too many rules by being on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, not to mention being in his hometown. What if someone saw him and recognized him? But he couldn’t miss his brother’s funeral. I should’ve been here for him, then he would still be alive. Ex was an only child now, although technically he wasn’t supposed to have a family at all, his past having been stripped away from him over the years, transforming him into someone else—someone his own mother wouldn’t have recognized. She hadn’t seen him since he’d said goodbye to her eight years ago, when he was eighteen. “I wouldn’t dare ask you to compromise yourself—”
“You didn’t ask... I offered.”
Ex considered Meridian’s words as he stared at his mother. If only he could hug her, just once, just to let her know she wasn’t childless. That he was still alive, watching her, protecting her, regardless of the fact that he couldn’t be there to be the son she wanted. That’d been Evan’s job—his little brother. A great kid with his whole life ahead of him. Correction had had ahead of him. Evan had been an honor roll student who’d always worked hard to make their mother proud. He’d avoided the riffraff in the neighborhood, staying focused on his future enough to earn him a partial scholarship to the Georgia Institute of Technology.
Fuck! It’s not fair! Ex’s mind screamed and warred with his emotions that he hid well as he sat as still as stone in the warm leather seat. Anyone on the outside looking in would’ve assumed he wasn’t the least bit bothered by the disappearance of his brother’s silver casket as it was slowly lowered six feet beneath the cold earth. His fists tried to shake with his rage but he held them steady, not showing emotion.
“Why don’t you let me tell Mom that I’ve at least spoken to you this year, she worries so much,” Evan said after releasing him from a tight hug. “I worry too. We don’t know what it is you do and why you have to be dead to us.”
Ex leaned against the metal bars beneath the stadium bleachers behind Evan’s high school. While he was between assignments, he’d gotten a cryptic word to his brother for him to meet him there late on a Sunday. His partner was scrambling the school’s surveillance cameras on the back side of the property so he could remain undetected.
“I wish I could, Ev. But this way is safest, trust me. You know I’m already breaking the rules by speaking to you.”
“How come you can’t have a family? I would never tell anyone where you are or what job you’re doing. I swear,” Evan pleaded, his emotions wide open. So much so that it overwhelmed Ex.
He sighed at the sincerity in his brother’s gray eyes, eyes he knew were similar to his own. “I know you wouldn’t, pipsqueak, but this is for your own good. I can’t have anyone trying to use you and Mom to get to me.”
“Jesus, dude. What the hell do you do in the military?”
Not the military, but a branch of the government, yes. Ex didn’t answer. He never did. The last his mother and brother knew he’d boarded a bus at Fort Benning eight years ago to take him to boot camp and was never heard from again. Until he’d broken down and contacted his brother on his thirteenth birthday with a secure cell phone he’d sent wrapped as a gift.
“Too much to explain and I don’t have much time.”
“I know,” Evan said quietly. He dropped his head and kicked at the gravel with the toe of his tennis shoe. “When will I see you again?”
He was fifteen now and always full of questions Ex had to ignore. “Hopefully not too long.”
“It’s been almost two years.”
“Did you get your present?” Ex switched gears. He had the skill of deflection but all his training went out the window when he was with his kid brother—the one who’d looked up to him and wanted to be just like him. Still did. Maybe that was why the director of the program insisted they sever all ties with family and friends. Love was a handicap.
“Yes! I loved the computer. It had to cost you a fortune, Xavier. Mom knows they’re coming from you. She always gets this slight smirk and pep in her step when I get a black package. I mean, she’s not an idiot.”
“I know you told her I was still alive a long time ago. I suspected you would. But she can’t see me,” Ex stressed.
“I know. So, where’s your partner?” Evan asked, scanning their surroundings. He’d never see Meridian unless the man wanted him to.
“He’s around.” Ex didn’t take his eyes off his brother but he could feel Meridian was close, most likely on the roof of the school building... watching.
“You two are some real badasses, aren’t you?” Evan smirked. “Like some secret, covert operatives.”
Ex whistled lightly and glanced away at nothing. “I didn’t say anything of the sort.”
His brother laughed and rushed him again, wrapping his gangly arms around his waist. “I miss you so much. And I promise. I won’t tell anyone.”
It took Ex a second to process he was being hugged, the sentiment almost foreign to him after so long. Then he slowly brought his hands up and draped them around Evan’s shoulders and squeezed him in return. It felt good. It felt really good and Evan hugged him tighter. If his handler saw this, he’d have Ex in front of the director explaining himself. But he couldn’t let go.
“Ex,” Meridian said roughly, breaking him from his memory.
“Make it happen,” he replied briskly. He kept his sights trained on the grave where his only brother now rested. He thought of all the times he’d gone without seeing Evan. Time he’d wasted. Now he’d see his mother for the first time in eight years.
Their driver was a retired Army drill sergeant who went by the nickname Slade. He was the owner of the car service that catered to high-end clients they’d hired for the short duration of their visit. A service that was known for superior driving skills, and most importantly anonymity. Slade followed the procession until they got onto the main road, heading towards Ex’s childhood home. When they were close to Lakewood Heights, he turned down a one-way street and Meridian tapped once on the black sound-proof divider to tell the driver where to let him out. Slade eased close to the curb in front of a Starbucks and kept the car in drive.