1
Summer
The pain is like a serrated knife tearing my heart out, leaving a jagged edge that catches on the tiniest memory, reminding me I’ll never be the same again.
I never knew grief could do this to a person. My world has shattered and left me in a place I never wanted to visit. I can’t even cry anymore because the tears dried up weeks ago, leaving a gaping hole where my heart used to be.
Sighing, I look around the home I used to be happy in. The memories crowd around me and remind me of a time when only good things happened. Fate is a cruel bitch when she hits. You don’t expect it and nothing prepares you for the pain she inflicts.
Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I see them all around me. Mom, dad and Casey. Their smiles and laughter light up the very air I breathe and for a moment everything seems normal. Then I open my eyes and the images are gone. All that’s left is the empty rooms that were packed up weeks ago and the still air of a house with no life left inside.
“All done, Miss Jefferson. You can leave the keys with the Realtor who’ll be along in a minute.”
The words cut through the air like a knife and I grip the keys in my hand a little tighter. They are the last link I have to my past and one I’m loathed to surrender.
The man looks at me with concern. “Are you ok, honey?”
Trying bravely to muster any humanity left inside me, I say softly, “Not really, but I’m going to have to be.”
He looks at me sympathetically. “I’m sorry, I won’t tell you things will get better because it’s something you won’t believe right about now. All you can do is turn the key and take the memories with you. I’ve seen many people leave homes that mean the world to them. Some leave with excitement and others with pain. Just hold on to the fact you are young and have the whole of your life ahead of you.”
I turn away before the bitterness shows on my face. Yes, I have the whole of my life ahead of me minus three very important people - my family.
Killed in a car accident just three months ago.
I was at work when I was called into my manager’s office where the cops were waiting. I will never forget the looks on their faces. Awkward, worried and extremely grave. The moment I saw those faces my life changed forever. I changed forever and now forever is a long and lonely road to travel on my own.
The man leaves me to my final farewell and I hear him slam the doors of the truck containing all my worldly possessions that are heading to a storage yard somewhere out of town. The only thing left is the suitcase packed and stored inside the cab outside, waiting to take me to the airport.
As I walk through the empty rooms, I say a silent goodbye. We were happy here. I had an idyllic childhood with the people I loved who made me feel cherished every minute of the day. I see them now, smiling at me from their usual positions. Mom smiles as she leans against the kitchen counter and asks me how my day went. I move to the den and see my dad with his feet up on the couch, flicking the remote continuously while laughing at some joke he was sent on his phone.
As I climb the stairs, I see Casey whizzing down the rail and hear my mom scolding her from the kitchen. Casey just grins the impish smile of a child with no fear and more life in her little finger than most other children. Not anymore though. I will never forget seeing her cold, lifeless, body laid out beside those of my parents. In death, they looked serene which must be in direct contrast to the fear they must have felt when the truck hit.
I stayed with them for two nights when they came home for the last time. I never left their side and spent the hours remembering happier times and telling them everything would be ok. But it never will be. Life is not ok and I am not ok because something happened that has stabbed me in the heart all over again like a frenzied knife attack.
It was when I was going through the paperwork stored in my father’s desk. A routine task required to get my house in order. However, the birth certificate I found erased the past and made a mockery of everything I held dear. As it turned out, my father wasn’t the one I had loved all my life. Todd Jefferson wasn’t my father, that honor falls to a man called Joseph Carter and I lost my father all over again.
The plot thickened when I started to delve deeper into my past. Then one phone call was all it took to make the dots connect the circle. My mom’s sister, Aunt Kim, called from England and I confronted her. I will never forget what she told me which is why I am heading to stay with her. I may be an American by birth and citizenship but apparently, my creation was a different story. It appears that I was made in London and now it’s time to find the person responsible.
2
Summer
The British Airways jet touches down in an unfamiliar country. I spent most of the 12-hour flight staring at the screen in front of me and saw nothing. The couple beside me long since stopped trying to engage me in conversation. I have no time for small talk and pleasantries. What have I got to say, anyway? When you are wrapped in grief, it’s impossible to see any light. Normal life is an irritant that reminds you it goes on, despite the devastation death wreaks as it claims the souls of the people you hold closest to your heart.
I go through the motions and that’s all it takes to get me through the day. I follow the crowds to passport control and reclaim my bag before heading through customs.
Even from the temperature in the airport, I can tell it’s colder here and I shiver inside. The only thing I know about London is its cold, rains a lot and like most cities, has little time for strangers.
It takes me a while but then I see her waving madly, the tears streaming down her face as she calls, “Summer, over here.”
My uncle Jimmy follows the woman who looks so much like my mother it hurts to look at her. She reaches me and hugs me so tightly, I feel a sharp pain where my purse digs into my ribs. Then she sobs uncontrollably on my shoulder as she says in a broken voice, “I’m so sorry, Summer.”
My uncle Jimmy looks awkward and tries to smile but it’s one laced with worry. Aunt Kim continues to howl on my shoulder drawing some curious looks from the people waiting in the crowd. If I feel anything it’s embarrassment as she says loudly, “You poor baby, what a terrible thing to happen. I can’t believe it. My poor Meg, and little Casey. I can’t believe it.”
I do nothing but allow her to vent her feelings and long to get this awkward meeting over with. To his credit, my uncle just pats her on the back and says soothingly, “There, there, darlin’. Let it all out.”
Finally, she pulls back and sniffs. “Come on, love. Let’s get you home. I’m sure you’re gasping for a nice cup of tea and quite frankly I could use a nip of brandy in mine. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been a mess since I heard the news. I wanted to fly straight out but the doctor said I wouldn’t get the medical cover to travel.”
Her words remind me that she’s suffering a battle of her own and I say softly, “How are you doing?”
She rolls her eyes and laughs dismissively. “Oh, you don’t want to hear my tales of woe. I’ve had the last chemo session, and the doc says things are looking good. I’m hoping my hair will grow back and everything will carry on as it did before.”
She looks at me anxiously, “I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to be insensitive. Of course, I know things will never be the same again. How can they now Meg’s gone?”