I watch the tears fall once again as the grief revisits her for a second wave. Uncle Jimmy pats her shoulder and I see the pain in his eyes and the worry lines framing them. Once again, I feel the anger growing inside. Fate’s a bitch, there’s no mistaking it. Dishing out pain and grief to ordinary people just trying to do their best at living an honest life. I feel nothing but anger now and emptiness as a result of fate’s games.
We head to the car park to begin the journey to their home. It doesn’t take long before we join the stream of traffic on the motorway as we start our journey. The obvious difference is we are driving on the other side of the road. The highway, or motorway as they call it, seems smaller and more congested. The rain hits the windshield and I see the dull landscape of a country just waking up for the day. There is no sunshine, just angry clouds which suits my mood perfectly. I don’t want the sun to shine and I don’t want the birds to sing. Nothing will ever give me joy again because it can’t get past the rock that’s lodged itself in my heart. I may be alive on the outside but I’m dead inside.
The drive takes no longer than an hour and I look with interest at the rows of houses lining a small street. It seems pleasant enough, if not a little crowded. The gardens of the houses look well maintained and the houses themselves seem small and cramped, unlike the wide-open spaces I’m used to. Streetlamps stand like proud soldiers as they line the route and we drive past little shops opening up for the day and spilling their wares on the sidewalks outside.
The car turns into a small driveway and comes to an immediate stop. The house that sits beside it is small from the outside but looks pleasant enough. There are flowers and shrubs in the small garden that droop under the heavy raindrops sitting on top of them. The air smells damp and laced with the scent of grass and something I can’t quite place.
I follow them to a front door that’s seen better days. The number 17 sits proudly on it and once again, I shiver as the temperature seeps into my bones.
Aunt Kim says cheerily, “Jimmy, get that door open, I’m freezing my ass off out here.”
He mumbles a curse under his breath as he fiddles with the key in the lock. As the door opens and we spill inside, I look around with interest. We are in a tiny hallway where some stairs dominate one half of it and a couple of doors show two rooms to the side. My Aunt bundles me into a small but light kitchen that feels much warmer than the air outside.
“Here you go, love. Take a seat and I’ll put the kettle on. I’m spitting feathers here and could do with some food as well.”
I watch as she busies herself making the tea, and she says lightly, “How about a bacon sandwich, love?”
Shrugging, I say politely, “That sounds lovely.”
I’m not even sure what that is, but she’s right, I’m feeling quite hungry so anything would be good.
As she works, she chats away and I try to listen and appear interested. However, there is only one question on my lips and it won’t stay silent. So, after a rare break in her conversation, I say bluntly, “Tell me about my father.”
The silence in the room speaks louder than words and I see my Aunt and uncle share a worried look. Just for a moment, my Aunt looks unsure and then she shakes her head and says sadly, “You know, your mum didn’t mean to keep him a secret. I know she wanted to tell you but your father, I mean, Todd, didn’t want you to know. He loved you like his own, Summer and it would have broken his heart if you had looked at him any differently.”
I swallow hard as I think of my kind, caring, amazing father and nod. “I can understand that.”
Kim smiles softly. “You know, I was so happy when Meg met Todd. He was over here on business and they met at a club in the west end. She was smitten with him from that very first date. He was just what she needed after…”
She shakes her head and looks worried. “Well, after what happened.”
I feel my world closing in on me as the questions spin around the room like a vortex. She sighs. “Meg was young and impressionable. She saw Joey and was dazzled by him. He was a real lad and excitement followed him. Megan was a good girl, Summer. A lot like you and yet she was drawn into that life by him like a moth to a flame. He promised excitement laced with a hint of crazy and coupled with his good looks and gift of the gab she was a goner.”
She sighs heavily. “Mum and Dad were at their wits end. They tried everything to make her see sense but Meg was stubborn. She didn’t listen and became obsessed with him. Then she discovered she was pregnant, and the shit hit the fan.”
I look at her in surprise and she smiles apologetically, “Sorry, love. I didn’t mean to swear.”
She shakes her head. “Mum and Dad were so angry. I mean she was only 18 and didn’t even have a job at the time. They banned her from seeing Joey and he never tried to find out why. Then he got arrested, and that was the final straw. Megan grew up overnight and her priorities changed. You were the only thing that mattered and lady luck sent her the way out in the shape of Todd Jefferson. They fell in love almost immediately and even though he knew she was pregnant, it didn’t matter to him. You see, Summer, that was how great that man was. He was prepared to take on another man’s baby as his own because he loved your mother that much.”
I picture my father and smile softly. “Yes, he was special alright.”
Kim nods miserably. “I still can’t believe it. Why is fate so cruel? It takes the good and leaves the rotten apples to fester on this earth instead.”
Uncle Jimmy says sharply, “Leave it, Kim.”
I look at them in surprise and see the hard look he shoots her and the anger in hers as she says harshly, “I’m sorry, Jimmy, but Summer needs to know what sort of man her real father is. Todd Jefferson was worth a million Joey Carters and she would be wise to forget any plan she has of finding him. I won’t let him ruin this poor girl’s life, I owe it to Megs’ memory to protect her. We’re her family now, Jimmy and need to step up and do right by the poor girl.”
My uncle sighs and speaks for the first time. “That’s not our decision to make, Kim. Summer has every right to find her father and we need to help her. She’s an adult now and more than capable of forming her own conclusions.”
He looks across the table and smiles sadly. “I’m sorry, love. Your mum was one of the best and we’ll miss her terribly. Just hold on to the memories because whatever happens, know she loved you more than anything. We’ll support you every step of the way and be right here if you need us.”
For the first time in what seems like ages, my heart shifts a little. My eyes fill with tears as I take in his kind words. Uncle Jimmy was always described to me as a rough diamond with a heart of gold. I never knew what that meant, until now. The man who carries so much on his shoulders is strong, dependable and shines like a beacon of light in a thick fog. He offers security and comfort without judgement and I relax as I sense the support all around me.
Yes, this was the right thing to do. A family needs to stick together at times like this and they are now the only ones I have, biologically speaking.
My father’s family are back in California. My grandma and grandpa begged me to stay, but I had to do this. I left them behind with my other uncle and his family while I traveled halfway across the world to find mine. Thinking of them settles my soul. I have them to turn to if I need to and that makes me feel less lonely.