But much like the air below the Holy Ground of Light, the shell of my former self still clings desperately to the secrets I hide here.
She wants to be free again, to roam the Earth as she once did, though I do my best to forget her a little more each time I slip away from my children to seek out this place where she haunts me relentlessly.
I want her to go away.
I want her to die.
Slowly, painfully, in a way that she’ll never try to harm me again by trying to make me remember who I was.
Trixie; that’s what Lakyn called me. That’s the name he shouted at me, the one that was supposed to make the ghost of the girl that hides in this room rise from the grave where I’ve been trying to bury the remnants.
I splay the palms of my hands on the table, my body hunching over as I tell myself that all will be well.
I have the one thing that Lakyn always wanted and he won’t come back again. He sees that I am, and always have been, better than him, and that put such a chink in his armor that only madness would drive him back to me.
Stop.
I blink rapidly a few times, feeling the pressure of those hidden memories pushing at the inside of my mind again.
I have to get out of this room.
It’s too dangerous to linger here. She’s becoming stronger, regaining her bearings, and if I’m not careful… she’ll take over me again.
“Daughter?”
I gasp loudly as Aftyn’s voice breaks my focus. Leaning forward, I quickly blow out the lone flame in the lantern and turn around to peer at the darkened room where I know he’s waiting.
I can only hope he didn’t see the insane scrawlings on the walls as I listen to the uncertain shuffling of footsteps as they make their way toward me, then the gentle thump of a body colliding with mine.
“Sorry,” he says with a nervous laugh. “It’s kind of dark in here.”
“You shouldn’t be in here,” I reply quietly as I take his hand and lead him out of the room.
And neither should I.
“She’s gone?” I ask Sun Wolf in surprise. What could have possibly driven Little Star away from us? Anyone that joins us always feels loved, cared about, taken care of, and never wants to return to their former lives.
“Yes, I’m sorry. We only just noticed an hour ago,” he replies quietly as he lowers his eyes to the ground.
I reach forward and place a hand on his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Feel no shame. She was not yours to watch. Little Star came to us of her own free will and used the same to return to her life. It’s always been allowed, and you know this better than anyone.”
He nods, but I can see that he doesn’t know if he’ll be punished. However, what has happened does not warrant punishment. It should be rewarded because with Little Star gone, Aftyn will rapidly lose memories of his former self and surrender to the Light completely.
“I have a request of you, my friend,” I begin with a small smile. Sun Wolf raises his eyes from the ground to mine and when he sees no anger in me, I can see the relief wash over him almost instantly.
“Speak it and see it done,” he responds eagerly.
“Find Raindrop and Luminescence. I need the three of you to spread out on the Holy Grounds. There is a new Cactus of Ambrosia springing somewhere in the vastness of the love we’ve built here, and it must be brought to replace the one that’s dying.”
He straightens his shoulders, nods at me, and smiles at Aftyn before he turns around and goes dutifully to complete the mission I’ve charged him with.
When he returns, I’ll drink from the new spring and all will be well again.
It’ll make the old girl hidden beneath the Holy Ground finally die and I’ll never have a need to go into that room again.
Six
Homecoming
Daphne
“Turn left here,” I say, pointing out the windshield as my eyes switch between the map on the phone and the road in front of me.
This is it.
I recognize the neighborhood, and my skin feels electric as I get closer and closer to Lakyn.
“I’m glad your uncle lives in a safe neighborhood. A girl like you needs to be more careful,” the man in the driver seat chastises.
“I know,” I reply absentmindedly, focusing on the way our little dot is moving steadily toward the address that feels like home.
“I mean it, Bethany. You can’t just hitchhike around. There are dangerous people in this world,” he continues, using the fake name I gave him, and I force a sweet smile. He’s one of the decent ones, which I’m grateful for because I don’t have the energy to deal with one of the bad ones right now. His opinions won’t matter soon anyway.
I just need to pacify him and get to Lakyn.
“I promise I won’t do it again. I just needed to get to my uncle, and I didn’t have any money.” I sit up straight and jab my finger toward the next turn even though the sudden movement makes my thigh throb. “Here! Turn here, this is his street!”
“Okay, what’s the number?” he asks, looking toward the phone, and I let him see the screen. We’re both scanning the house numbers, but a second later I don’t need to. I can see Willa’s SUV in the driveway, and I remember the front of Lakyn’s house clearly.
“There,” I whisper, pointing to it, and the man pulls up to the curb. My stomach tightens, and I lick at my dry lips as I stare out the driver-side window at the front door.
“Okay.” The man throws the truck into ‘park’ and twists to look at me. “Ready to tell me why he didn’t pick you up at the bus station, Bethany?” When he uses my fake name again, it takes me a second to process his question, but I’ve been lying for so long that even with my head tired and fuzzy I manage to come up with a plausible answer.
“I tried his number before I left my boyfriend, but it belongs to someone else. I don’t know his new one.”
“Then how do you know he lives here?” This old guy is tense, protective, and I almost want to laugh. He has no idea who I am, or what I’m capable of, or what I would have done to him if he hadn’t been a decent man.
Time to lie again.
“That’s his car,” I answer, pointing at the SUV as I pull my backpack into my lap and turn on my sweet voice. “Thank you so much for the ride. You absolutely saved my life.”
“No need to thank me,” he says, glancing at the truck before he looks at me kindly, his dusky green eyes creasing at the corners with his smile. “You actually remind me of my daughter when she was your age. I hope that if she was ever in need of help, someone good would stop and help her too.” Sighing, he turns back to the house and then faces me again. “I’ll wait here to make sure he’s home and you get inside. Stay safe, Bethany, and ask your uncle to take you to a doctor. You don’t look well, and I really do think you’re getting sick. Promise me, okay?”
“I will. Promise.” Nodding, I open the door and get out, clenching my teeth hard to keep from making a noise when I put weight on my leg again. It’s always worse at first, but I can handle it. I can handle anything now that I’m this close to Lakyn.