"You look pale, Little Star. You should let The Daughter tend to your wound. Her Light can heal all things, and with the gift of the Cactus, you will feel much better. I can bring you—"
"No." Pulling the sleeping bag over my head, I hear her sigh, followed by the rustle of the tent flap as she finally leaves me alone again. It's the same woman who helped me bandage my leg last time, and while I needed the fabric from her to keep my leg from oozing all over my clothes, I don't want to be her friend.
I don't want to be here at all.
But, as much as I hate to admit it, I’m not going to be able to move tomorrow if I don’t put something in my stomach—even if it’s disgusting.
Sitting up, I pull the jacket tighter around me and drag the plate of boiled cactus and mostly uncooked beans toward me. The jug of water from the well that one of the guys with a crazy name got for me is the only way I manage to get the beans down, swallowing them like pills. I know I need the protein, and the energy, but the beans are easy by comparison. The only way to get the cactus down is to chew it, which is pretty disgusting. It's not the flavor, which is vaguely citrusy, it's the fucking texture. There's a slime to it that makes me want to gag every time I have to force it down and I don’t know how any of the crazies here handle it.
Probably because they’re high as fuck.
The chime of bells echoing across the commune tells me that the workday has started for the 'Children of Light' and the only thing I'm grateful for is that they've mostly left me alone. Hell, even Aftyn seems to have forgotten about his plan to murder me for killing Willa.
Of course, he jumped at the chance to drink that cactus shit and hop into bed with Beatrix—The Daughter. Now he’s just as crazy as the rest of them.
Such fucking bullshit.
My bladder nudges me, and I get out of the sleeping bag and put on my shoes, wincing at the throbbing ache in my thigh. I’m getting used to it, but it’s the worst in the morning when I haven’t grown as numb to the pain as I am after I’m up for a while. It almost makes their cactus drink tempting, but I have no interest in joining their fake happy tribe of hippies.
I’d rather be in pain than witless.
Grabbing the plate, I head toward the communal dining area. It’s nothing fancy, just rows of tables set up under canopies to keep the sun off everyone, which I'm sure is brutal in the dead of summer... not that I plan to be here by then. The bright morning sun makes everything shimmer, and I can tell I'm not walking as straight as I should be, but it's not easy when I feel like hell and the ground keeps tilting in funny ways.
"Ah, young one, did you enjoy the gifts of the Earth?" An older woman smiles at me as she takes the plate from my hands, but I don't return the look. Being with Lakyn was supposed to make it so I never had to wear my mask again, and I don't want to put it back on.
I miss him.
Although, right now, I miss real toilets more. These fucked-up composting toilets are like something from a hippie's nightmare, and the stench is horrible, but I manage to hold my breath until I'm done and I’m able to stumble back toward my tent.
I may be trapped in the land of shiny, happy people wearing their perfect, smiling masks, but at least I've got my own space to retreat to. I've still got my backpack.
Another chill has me shivering as I stand outside my tent, watching the psychos wander around, but my gaze ends up focusing on the worn track where I last saw Lakyn driving away. He's somewhere out there. Probably back at his home in Mesa.
Wait.
Even though all I want to do is lay back down, I feel an idea clicking to life and with it comes a shaky plan. It’s not perfect, but my life never has been, and I’ve always managed to survive. Heading toward the small cluster of adobe houses, I aim directly for the one where Aftyn has been holed up with Beatrix since Lakyn left us here. I can hear them fucking before I even reach the door, but I didn't expect anything else. That's all they do.
Get high.
Spout insane shit.
Fuck.
Repeat.
The old hinges creak, but the grunts and moans don't stutter, and I look around at the tables and cabinets in the front space. Being as quiet as I can, I dig through the drawers and shelves, moving stuff gently to avoid getting caught.
I'm about to give up when I see a small bookshelf tucked in the corner and the little rectangle I've been searching for is resting on the middle shelf.
Aftyn's phone.
Smiling to myself, I feel my lip split, but I just lick the blood away as I pocket the device and head back out the door. I can feel how dizzy I am while I make it back to the tent, but I push my weakness aside and pack my backpack quickly, refilling my water bottles from the jug. The phone isn't charged, but I know what's on it. Lakyn's address is in one of those text messages, and I saw Aftyn enter his code into the phone more than once on our little road trip.
I don't have to stay here.
There's a way out of this hell and back to Lakyn, and if I can make it back to him on my own maybe that will finally prove to him that I'm committed.
I won't forget him like Beatrix.
I won't hate him like Aftyn.
If he'll let me, I'll be whatever he wants me to be just for the chance to be with someone that doesn't expect me to wear a mask.
Someone who wants me for who I really am, who wants me to be a part of their family because of who I am… and I want that more than anything.
I've been walking for a long time. Away from the decorated cacti on the roadside, back toward civilization. A few cars have passed me, but no one has even slowed down yet, and I'm not sure how long I can keep moving.
Thinking about it isn't helping though.
I just need to put one foot in front of the other. Again and again.
A horn blaring makes me jump, and I try to step onto the shoulder, but my leg gives out and I hit the dirt hard, scratching my hands on the rocks and bruising my knees.
"Fuck," I groan, trying to summon the strength to stand again.
Then I hear someone shouting.
Lifting my head, I see a man jogging toward me. The car is pulled to the side of the road, and I think there’s a woman standing beside it on the passenger side, but it's hard to tell from this distance.
What's he saying?
"—kay?" He's panting as he comes closer, leaning on his knees to look down at me. "Hey, are you okay?"
"No." I shake my head, and even though I told myself I wouldn't put my mask back on, I'll do whatever it takes to get back to Lakyn. Turning the tears on is easy, like flexing a muscle I haven't used in a while, and when he sees me crying his face softens.
"Shit, I'm so sorry. We were trying to see if you needed a ride, I didn't mean to scare you." Stepping forward, he takes my arm gently and helps me stand. "God, you look like a kid. How old are you? Why are you out here in the middle of nowhere?"
"M-my boyfriend convinced me to come out here to this place, but it was a cult. They're j-just a cult, and I wanted to go home, but he wouldn’t leave with me and I don't have a c-car." I add a sniffle, wiping at the tears I've managed to summon, and he coos with concern as he helps me back to the car.
"Is she okay?" the woman calls out, shading her eyes against the sun.