Everyone that meets Lakyn Meyer eventually dies for the privilege, and I'm just waiting for my turn.
Who knows? By morning, maybe my time will finally be up.
Three
A New Path
Aftyn
I smile at Raindrop as she walks by The Daughter’s home. She’s wearing a dress similar to one that is worn by their goddess of the desert, though not exactly.
I’ve noticed that almost everyone here, male and female, try to emulate her in some way. I seem to be the only one that wanted to stay as I was, but that didn’t last very long.
It’s been two weeks since I finally found the place where I belong, and I couldn’t be happier.
Especially now that Lakyn has gone back to fuck knows where—though no one cares about that except for Daphne, and probably his boyfriend. I still think about Ichabod sometimes when I hear the stories of how so many of the Children of the Light escaped bad situations to find this oasis, and I can’t help but think about how he would have been happier out here in the desert regardless of Beatrix not remembering him. I would like to think that in due time, all memories—painful or otherwise—serve a purpose and she’d use her newfound happiness to lift him up instead of knocking him down like Pops does.
Of course, he could get away from that fucked-up situation any time he wants to, and he chooses to stay, so I tell myself that it’s not my fault.
None of this is.
Not Dexter.
Not Daphne.
Not Lakyn.
I think what’s helped me get through the recent trauma I’ve experienced the most is The Daughter. She looks so much like my Willa, cares about me just as deeply, and holds me so closely any time I cry over her. She’s always patient as she helps me to understand that the universe is all-knowing and works in the way it wants… even if it’s not in the way one would hope.
It’s a concept I’m still struggling with even though so much of it is comforting.
She’s explained over our time together that Willa has gone to be a Light Weaver before us and that, eventually, we’ll be together again. But for now, I belong to her, on this plane of existence, and I’m okay with that.
While I’m still trying to understand all of her teachings, the one thing I’ve been able to glean from that shitstorm is that… I did it. With everything that went wrong, in the end I got the one thing Lakyn Meyer always wanted and could never get. And since he took Willa from me, I think it’s only fair that I get to keep The Daughter.
It may be her title here, but it still kind of bugs me to call her that, she just doesn’t respond to Beatrix, Trixie, or any form of the name. It’s just how things are here. She’s not that person anymore. She’s ascended to a plane where she doesn’t need a name, only a title, and to be surrounded by those she’s gathered around her to accept her teachings and weave light for the universe.
Even when the water from the Cactus of Ambrosia wears off, she refuses to respond to her given name. She’s told me that it’s because it’s a mortal name and she’s no longer of this coil—whatever that means—but I’ve given up on pressing the issue. She’s mine, Lakyn is gone, and that’s all that matters.
I tilt my face toward the sky and let out a gentle sigh as the warmth washes over me. It has nothing on her touch, but I can’t compare the two. Now that I know Willa is in the light, I understand that she’s the warmth I feel on my skin.
That’s the comfort that has kept me from leaving. On the very first night that I cried about it, The Daughter explained it all to me. She promised me that it’s Willa’s light that shines down on me during the day and in the reflection of the moon on the windows at night.
The prickle I feel on my arms when the hair stands up is a gift. It’s her sign to let me know that she’s with me and always will be.
I glance down at my wrist, looking at the hair tie that means the world to me, and I know that if I ever lose the feeling and knowledge bestowed upon me by The Daughter, I’ll still always have a piece of Willa that no one will be able to take away. A permanent connection to my best friend.
But I take solace in knowing the truth that The Daughter has shown to me in ways that I’ll never be able to fully appreciate.
The truth that Willa is everywhere, in everything, and that is the only truth I’ll ever need to believe.
“I’m still in awe of how long it’s been, Lakyn,” The Daughter says to me as I sit at the head of her table. Sun Wolf sets a plate of breakfast in front of me while Luminescence does the same with her.
They smile at us, ask us if there’s anything else we’ll need, and she waves them away, returning the joy plastered on their faces. When I first saw those smiles, I thought they were fake, or that the people here were fools, but now I know better. When I look at The Daughter, I want to smile too. There’s something about her that just makes people happier. And it’s true for me too… except when she calls me by his name.
I let out a sigh and rub the back of my neck uneasily. For the two weeks that I’ve been here, I’ve done my best to convince her that I’m not Lakyn, but it seems lost on her. The words never quite penetrate, or they’re just unimportant to her when compared to everything else she thinks about as The Daughter of the Light—but for once I’d like to hear her use my actual name.
“Tell me, how did you find me?” she asks. “You mentioned something about a woman back home?”
I wait patiently as she raises a flat piece of boiled cactus to her mouth and takes a dainty bite. I haven’t gotten used to eating this yet, and I’m not sure if I ever will, but until they have their semi-annual roadside bead sale, it’s apparently all we’ve got. Except for the beans. That’s something they can grow easily in the greenhouse, but when I bite into one, it’s hard. I don’t want to insult her, or her followers that cooked the meal, so I just grind my teeth down and hope it breaks soon enough.
“Daughter,” I begin as I try desperately to swallow down the rock I’m working on grinding down. “I’m not Lakyn. I’m Aftyn, his son.”
“I remember your sense of humor,” she says with a twinkle in her eye. “I love that you never lost that part about you that shines so brightly.”
Right. I blow out my breath as I reach for my knife and fork, severing a piece of the cactus as best as I can. I don’t want to insult her. Not after what we’ve shared here so far. She’s been amazing to me and has loved me in ways that no one ever has before—body and soul—which is just one more reason why I really want to hear my name on her perfect lips.
“You’ve never met me before,” I insist, keeping my voice soft and calm. “I wouldn’t lie to you… I-I love you.”
The Daughter’s smile widens. “And I love you as I love all of my children.”
I raise an eyebrow.
I would have thought that after spending almost every night in her bed, I would have meant more to her than the rest of her ‘children,’ but I guess I’ll just have to try harder.
“Daughter, please listen to me. I swear to you that I’m not Lakyn Meyer. My name is Aftyn Meyer, my best friend is Willa Banks, and her other best friend was Dexter Holland. We got into a car from New York to drive to Arizona because I… well, I was goaded by someone to go meet Lakyn. It was his, um… boyfriend, I think, but he won’t admit it. His name is Ichabod.”