Leste curled himself away from me, alarmed at my sudden, unsettlingly close proximity. His eyes kept going from my horn to my hands, before finally settling on Cap. “What pestilence do you bring to Nethercourt?” He gave a sniff, and it was then I realized just how much, this close, he looked like Dave from the old video store. I mean, that was years ago and I believed he worked at the truck stop now but... “This is one of those weird reality, alternate dreams, isn’t it? Like, I’m seeing people I knew from real life, but it’s all weird and stuff, right?”
Leste’s brow tugged down as he stood and straightened. One glance at Gasep, side stepping me to stand close to the towering Pegosian, he grumbled, “What is she blathering about? Surely you aren’t believing this nonsense?!” His hand waved in my direction lazily. “It’s surely to prove a ruse. She’ll murder us in our sleep. Or if she’s good enough a dark mage, do away with us in hers. That tiny creature she covets is surely really a peregrine in disguise, come to pluck our eyes from our skulls.”
“Okay, well, that was interesting, y’all are really weird and paranoid and shit and that’s fun, peregrine conspiracy theories and everything, but I’d just like to, ah, get goin’ back to whence I stumbled forth from.” Sidling over to the mirror, giving the two present my back, I stared at my frowning reflection. Cap, quietly just chilling in my arms, his new people shakes made him Mommy starved and docile. “So... I was leaning in,” I mumbled, concentrating, thinking back on what I’d been doing before, “and then...” I bent my head until my horn tapped the glass slightly. Straightening, eyeing the glass eagerly to find it the same as it once was, if now sporting a poke mark from my horn, my expression pinched, eyebrows slamming down over my eyes. “And nothing’s happened.” Great.
Was there a magic phrase or word? Some type of gesture I was supposed to be aware of...? Thinking this over, glancing at Cap, I shrugged. “It’s worth a shot, right?”
“I think it’s her familiar,” Gasep murmured to Leste.
“Nonsense. Look at it. Not a lick of magicks to it. If that pathetic looking thing is a familiar, I’ll eat my smalls.”
“Oh, he’s totally my familiar,” I tossed over my shoulder, grinning at the idea of Chicken McNugget Merlin trying to chomp his nut huggers. “Commence the chone gummin’, Lest-o.”
“She talks in such a strange dialect,” Leste murmured thoughtfully, as if I hadn’t spoken at all, “surely she’s not from the north...?”
“Her garb is unusual, even for them.” Gasep let out a rumble of agreement. “She claims she is from an Ert-th.”
“Earth,” I corrected offhandedly, wiggling my head this way and that in front of the mirror, scowling, hoping something would jargle the damn mirror portal into motion. “Y’all can keep your nether-whatevers. We don’t want any.” My head shook, eyeballs swiveling in a half eye roll.
“Nethercourt, you blasphemous female,” Lest spluttered, flustered. “It is where you are currently standing in the lower tier of!”
“Yeah. Yeah. I’m evil and horrible and my freckles are dangerous, oh, wooo, watch out now.” My hands lifted much slower this time and I wiggled my fingers with a silly look on my face. You’d think I was cooing at a child, not taunting a grown man and his horsey companion.
Leste’s expression soured as Gasep’s lit with amusement. “She teases us,” the Pegosian said with nothing short of excitement. The poor soul must not get out much at all it if this was the highlight of his day, week, however long.
“She teases me,” Leste grumbled churlishly. “Taunts... jabs... jests. I am but a joke to her.” The bearded male’s lower lip jutted out just enough to be considered a pout, and he let out a soft grunt of affront. It was almost endearing. This man was a wizard, a mage or whatever he thought of himself, possibly of some great and magical power? I almost laughed out loud at the thought. Did he make balloon animals with a thought? Cotton candy daggers? Oh, I’d pay to see that.
Leste stood there, long arms folding over his thin chest. He was large framed for such a fragile looking man. His robes hung off of him as if he’d shrank out of his clothes instead of simply having ordered them supersized like that as if to somehow make him seem larger. Was he ill? Dying? My thoughts had me pausing, but only momentarily. What did the gaunt male’s health matter to me? Why the hell should I care?
This dream was too weird, too real. It was so a dream. I wouldn’t be reasoned with. Dreams were weird and loopy and sometimes had you questioning your sanity. This was totally a dream, I thought, and I could prove it. Adjusting Cap so he was tucked under my arm at my side, lifting my hand towards my forehead, I gripped my horn and gave it a good tug. “Ow.” Another tug, harder. “OW.” Scowling, gritting my teeth, I yanked so hard sparks shot off from the blasted spike crowning my face. “Holy- YOW!” I howled, wincing and dropping my hand to glare at my reddened fingers and already blistering palm. “That hurt,” I barked in surprise.
“Stop that,” Leste ordered, like a haughty schoolmarm scolding a naughty child.
“Why is she doing that?” Gasep asked, more importantly.
“She is trying to prove this is all a dream so she can wake up in her apartment and get started on her crappy, unimportant day, and move on with her mundane yet livable existence. That is what she is trying to do,” I all but growled. Marching up to Gasep, I craned my neck to glare up at him. The feathery monstrosities at his back caught my eye and I pursed my lips. These hazel peepers narrowed as I watched the dark feathers flutter with the draft in the room. Cap could be clawing at my face while I sleep, I could be on the floor, having fallen out of bed and banged my head. There was an explanation for all there. I would find reason in this madness! It hit me then. “Blow me,” I grumbled, and waited.
Gasep blinked. “Eh?”
“You know, with them feathered mud flaps on your back. Hit me, tall, dark, and thoroughly confused. I’ve got something to prove.”
“Uh...” Gasep looked to Leste helplessly.
“Not in here you won’t,” Leste warned “My papers. Go...” his hand waved and he snorted, “blow her somewhere else.”
“That sounded so wrong,” I whispered, now that I’d thought on it, but what did it matter now? Seeing The Great and Powerful Beast wasn’t going to do my bidding, I stepped past him, shoving Leste, who hopped in front of me and looked like he thought he could block my path, right back into his dirty man-panty pile.
“Hey,” he barked, flying into the heap.
“Hey yourself, honey.” Storming out of the room, I gaped at the fat, worn, light grey stones making up the walls, even fatter ones along the floor. Tapestries depicting strange winged creatures and beasties that didn’t exist hung along the halls. I eenie-meenie-miney mo-ed at the fork in the road. It was right or left, straight ahead of me loud with the raucous noise of reveling and the smell of food.
To the left it was, my catch-a-tiger advised me so. And off I went, to run smack dab into a hard, unyielding slab of warm flesh covered in peachy fuzz. As I stumbled back, thick hands caught me, grasping my shoulders in a firm, sure grip. Eyes bugging, my barely could believe it eyeballs trailed from a massive pair of fur dusted pecs, orange fur and the vanilla creamy flesh beneath reminding me of an orange Creamsicle.