Boys came. Other wolves. Cubs.
One said, “Carter, come play with us.”
I said “Okay” and “Sure” and “Can Kelly come too?”
And the boy said, “No. He’s just a baby. Babies are stupid.”
Kelly cried.
I tackled the boy for making my brother cry.
Mom pulled me off him.
His nose was bleeding.
“Carter,” Mom said, “what on earth do you think you’re doing?”
“Kelly isn’t stupid,” I snarled at the boy as he pushed himself up from the ground. I tried to go after him again, but Mom held me back.
“I’m telling!” the boy shouted before he ran away, the other cubs chasing after him.
Mom turned me around, her face near mine. She was frowning. “We don’t hit other people.”
“He said Kelly was stupid.”
“Be that as it may, we don’t hit. It’s not nice.”
She was wrong. I didn’t say that out loud, but I thought it. I thought it hard. She was wrong, because if anyone called Kelly stupid, I would definitely hit them. I would hit them as hard as I could. I would hit them until they couldn’t say those words anymore.
I said, “Oh.”
“Yes. Oh. You have to think before you act. You can’t use your fists to solve all your problems.” Then she grimaced, her hand going to her stomach as she stood upright. “Someone woke up. Oof.”
The baby in her belly.
I didn’t care about that baby.
It wasn’t real yet.
“Carter,” Kelly sniffled, and I went to him.
I picked him up. I was very strong.
He laid his head on my shoulder, and since I didn’t want to get in trouble again, I promised in my head that no one would call him stupid again.
“Dig with me?” he asked. “Biggest hole?”
I said, “Okay,” and that’s what we did. It was better than playing with other cubs.
IT WENT LIKE THIS:
Dad said our brother was coming soon. That we needed to be good and quiet so Mom could focus.
“She’ll need all her strength,” he said, kneeling down before me and Kelly. Kelly reached up and touched his face, and Dad snapped his teeth at Kelly’s fingers, causing him to laugh. “She’s being very brave. Can you be brave too?”
“Brave,” Kelly agreed.
“Stay here with Uncle Mark. When it’s over, I’ll come back and take you to meet him.”
And then he was gone.
Mark said, “It’ll take a long time.”
“Long time,” Kelly said, because he repeated everything everyone said all the time. It was annoying except when he did it to me.
Mark said, “But she’ll be okay.”
“Okay,” Kelly said.
Mark smiled, but he looked like a ghost.
It took a very long time.
We got tired of waiting, and when Mark put us to bed, I had forgotten all about it. Mark said Kelly and I could sleep in the same bed, and Kelly had toothpaste in the corner of his mouth.
We lay facing each other, our heads on the same pillow.
Mark kissed my cheek.
Mark kissed Kelly’s cheek.
“Good night, little cubs,” he said.
Kelly yawned.
Mark left the door open and the light in the hall on.
The sky outside was dark.
“Carter?” Kelly said.
“What?”
“Do we have to have a little brother?”
I didn’t know. I said, “I think so.”
“Oh. Can I hold him?”
“Maybe. You might have to wait.”
“Why?”
“Because babies are fragile,” I said, remembering the words of my father. “They’re little and fragile.”
“What’s fragile?”
I had no idea. “It means gross.”
His nose wrinkled. “Like farts.”
I laughed. I’d taught him that word. Mom and Dad hadn’t been happy with me. “Yeah, he’s a fart.”
“Fart, fart, fart,” Kelly said. And then he closed his eyes. “I don’t know if I like little brothers.”
“I do,” I told him. “I like little brothers a lot.”
But he was already asleep.
I kept my eyes open for as long as I could because Dad was with Mom and Kelly needed me to protect him. I wasn’t an Alpha, but I could pretend.
“I have red eyes,” I whispered in the dark. “And I’m big and strong.”
I didn’t remember falling asleep.
IT WENT LIKE THIS:
“His name is Joe,” my mother said.
“Joseph Bennett,” my father said. “Your little brother.”
“Joe,” Kelly whispered in awe.
I wasn’t happy about it.
Then I saw him.
And I knew him for what he was.
What he would be.
I said, “Alpha.”
My mother was startled.
My father took a step forward. “What was that, Carter?”
“Alpha,” I said again, and my voice was filled with so much wonder, I thought I would float away.
“How do you know?” my father asked.
I shrugged.
Mom and Dad looked at each other for a long time. Then, “Yes,” my father said. “Yes. Joe will be an Alpha. Can I tell you a secret about Alphas?”
Kelly and I turned to him. This was important. I knew what that word meant now. Alphas had many secrets, and when they shared one, it was important.
Dad crouched down before us. He took our hands in his. He said, “An Alpha is a leader. But we cannot lead alone. He will look to you, to both of you, for guidance. He can be nothing without his brothers. You will be his pack, and you’ll make him strong. You matter just as much as he does. There will come a time when weight will be placed upon the color of his eyes, but you mean just as much. You cannot make red without orange. Do you understand?”
We both nodded, though we had no idea what he was talking about.
Joe cried.
We went to him.
Kelly touched his cheek.
I kissed his hand.
“There is no one like him,” our mother whispered. “But there is also no one like each of you. You are all special in your own way. I believe in you.” She looked down at Joe, a tired smile on her face. “I believe in all of you.”
IT WENT LIKE THIS:
Joe grew.
I found my tether.
I shifted.
The pain was exquisite, and I
am wolf
smell
smell everything
run fast run fast run run run
hunt i want to hunt and
father wolf
mother wolf
joe laughs he’s laughing he says you’re so pretty carter you’re so pretty
i’m not pretty
i’m amazing
kelly says
wow
kelly says
look at you
kelly says
you’re so big
kelly says stop licking me carter stop licking me stop licking
i don’t stop
i never stop and
The day came when Dad took Kelly away.
“You don’t have to worry,” Mom said. She sounded like she was trying not to laugh. I glared at her, but she kissed my forehead and ruffled my hair.