The tension wound tighter faster than expected. It had been too long since he had let himself enjoy anything. Finley didn’t fight it. He pumped as fast as he could. His muscles tensed as he strained to reach release. When his orgasm hit, a cry tore from Finley’s lips. He gasped for air as cum coated his shirt. He muscles gave out. His chest heaved as he stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t see Grayson again. Finley wanted him too much. There was no guilt in the aftermath of the fantasy of Grayson. That was the final straw for Finley. He could love Grayson. Finley couldn’t let that happen. He wasn’t ready.
Chapter Four
Three weeks passed without a word shared between them. Finley swore he felt every second tick by. While he hadn’t known Grayson for very long, he had brought a bit of color back into Finley’s life. Now things were gray again. Finley hated it. He felt suffocated by the grief he couldn’t release. The faithfulness to his long-gone husband had kept him warm at night once. Now that small comfort was gone. His loyalty had become a millstone, dragging him down and away from all happiness. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Finley stopped himself from texting Grayson a dozen times a day. There was no peace anymore.
The doorbell rang as Finley pulled his phone out for the sixth time that morning, determined to apologize to Grayson. Finley rushed to the door, hoping against hope it would be him. Benji stood on the other side. A bright smile exploded across his face. He genuinely loved Benji. When Benji had left his husband, Silas, and Finley had taken him in for a few weeks, Finley had found happiness for the first time in a long time. Then Benji had gone back home, taking the smiles with him. That had been the beginning of the end for Finley. Now he wanted things again. It wasn’t fair.
“Hey,” Benji said, sounding breathless. “I’ve come to visit.”
Finley’s gaze automatically moved to the driveway, looking for Silas. He knew Silas wouldn’t let Benji out of his sight for long, and Benji didn’t drive. Benji’s bodyguard, Kage, sat in a black Hummer, waiting. Finley’s gaze moved back to Benji. “I’m always happy to see you.” He stepped back to let Benji inside.
“I can’t stay long. Really, I only came by to give you this.” He passed Finley a brightly colored gift bag.
Finley glanced down at the bag as he accepted it. “What’s this? It’s not my birthday.”
“It’s from Grayson.”
Finley’s smile slipped away. “Oh.” He wondered if he should hand it back. Finley didn’t deserve gifts from Grayson and accepting might give the wrong impression.
Benji startled. “Oh yeah. There’s a note.” He pulled an envelope from his back pocket and passed it along. “Grayson said you need to read the note first or you’ll be confused by the gift.”
With a nod, Finley set the gift bag aside and opened the envelope. Grayson’s handwriting was gorgeous. It was like he had practiced writing the letter for days. With his heart in his throat, Finley forced himself to focus and read.
Finley,
Growing up, I used to make these for my parents. They were a smaller version, but I’ll get to that. Anyhow, my parents died when I was little, and I used to think about all the things they missed. So I made these tiny boxes and put report cards, drawings, and projects school forced us to make for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day inside. Then I would take them to the cemetery and place them in their tomb with them. It was like I thought they got to be an actual part of my life that way.
Anyhow, it obviously didn’t bring them back or anything, but it gave me a way to find peace in a connection I didn’t have otherwise. I thought to make a few small boxes for you so you could keep a connection with Coby, but Benji says Coby was cremated. So instead, I made you this. I thought maybe you could keep it close and leave notes for him or whatever. I know this doesn’t make up for the position I put you in. There’s no way I can give back the kiss you feel I stole from him, but I can do this.
Thank you for being my friend, even if it wasn’t for long. It meant more than you know.
Gray
Finley refolded the note and opened the gift. It was a wooden box, but not just any wooden box. The piece was hand carved and beautiful. Coby’s name had been burned into the wood with a talent Finley couldn’t believe. The box had been sanded and stained in a way that brought out the natural grain. Gold hinges and a clasp completed the piece. Finley was speechless.
Unfortunately, Benji was not. “Grayson told me about the boxes he used to make for his parents, but I had no idea they were so pretty.” He leaned in close and inspected the woodwork before backing away again. “They died when he was three,” Benji added, proving he hadn’t read the note. “Then he went to live with his brother. I think these boxes were the only connection he had with anyone. His brother is pretty famous. He didn’t have time for Grayson.” Benji lowered his voice as if he didn’t want anyone to hear his secret. “In fact, Grayson told me he could remember when he was like four or five, he would push a kitchen chair against the kitchen counter and rummage through the cabinets. He would eat uncooked macaroni noodles because he was starving, and there was no one there to feed him. Who leaves a four-year-old alone for weeks at a time?” Benji shook his head. “It’s sad.”
Finley had everything and nothing to say at the same time. He had known Grayson had a story, but he honestly hadn’t wanted to know it, because Finley knew himself. Finley had known he would feel exactly as he did now: outraged. He needed to act and fix things, but he couldn’t hurt Grayson even more than he already had.
Benji moved to the door. “Anyhow, I just came by to deliver your gift and check on you. Oh, and to give you this.” Benji dug another envelope from his back pocket.
Finley knew without looking it was an invitation to Silas and Benji’s next house party. Each invite looked the same. Without thinking, he set the box aside, closed the distance between them, and accepted the expensive stationery. “Thank you.” Even to his ears, Finley’s voice sounded gravelly.
Benji kissed his cheek. “I can see you’re sad, so I won’t stay. You have that want-to-be-alone look about you.”
Finley flashed Benji a grateful smile. “I’m sorry I’m not better company.”
Benji waved away his apology. “We’ll see each other again soon.”
With a nod, Finley opened the door and saw Benji out. After a final goodbye, he closed the door behind Benji and returned to inspect the box again. Grayson had put so much care into the piece. Finley didn’t deserve it. Grayson had apologized half a dozen times now for something he shouldn’t be sorry about. Finley was the bad guy. He shouldn’t be receiving gifts from Grayson. Grayson should tell everyone he knew how big of a piece of shit Finley was.
Finley’s gaze dropped to the invitation he still held. He needed to see Grayson. It wasn’t right or fair, but he missed his blond wee one. Finley traced the letters of Coby’s name on the box before flipping open the lid. He placed the letter from Grayson inside.
“Look, Coby. I got a letter from my new friend.” Grayson was right. Finley felt a little closer to Coby for no reason at all. It was like a new outlet had been opened for his grief. “I think you’d like him.” Finley closed the lid and went back to tracing the letters. “I guess. Actually, it’s possible you’d hate him because I like him a little too much. I kissed him.” Finley took a deep breath. “You probably knew that already.” Finley drew another breath. “I know you said you wanted me to find someone else to snuggle after you were gone, but I’m not doing too good with it. It seems like a year isn’t nearly long enough. Surely you deserved more than that from me.” Finley lowered his voice to a whisper, hating that he needed to be completely honest. “I think he needs me, though.” He leaned closer to the box and lowered his voice even more. “Did you do this? Did you send me his way?”