“Someone needs a nap.” He pulled Grayson’s hood up and then tucked Grayson’s face against his neck.
Grayson wanted to punch, kick, and bite. He was angry and hurt. So damn hurt. No one wanted him. He wondered if even his parents had. Grayson couldn’t remember. “Put me down.” His voice shook with rage.
Finley held him tighter.
Grayson bit Finley’s neck in his rage. The moment his teeth sank into Finley’s flesh, something shifted in the air. Finley moaned. He coughed to cover the sound, but it was too late. Grayson had heard. Power rose inside Grayson. He wasn’t helpless. Grayson could make Finley want him. Finley said his heart belonged to someone else, yet he spent all his time with Grayson. This other person obviously didn’t want Finley. Grayson did. He didn’t bite hard enough to hurt. His open mouth against the side of Finley’s neck turned into Grayson sucking. He treated Finley’s neck like a chew toy. Grayson sucked and nibbled. Finley didn’t push him away or complain as he carried Grayson upstairs.
At the door, Finley snagged the key clipped to Grayson’s backpack and let himself inside. Grayson expected Finley to set him away and leave after the way he behaved downstairs. Plus, Finley had already said he didn’t want Grayson. But when Finley set Grayson on the bed, he came with him. Their mouths met. Grayson’s heart soared. The front of his pajamas loosened, and Finley’s mouth moved south, kissing the newly bared skin. Grayson lightly gripped Finley’s head while gasping for air. He hadn’t realized how desperate he was for human touch until Finley gave it to him. Then Finley stilled. His lips skimmed Grayson’s chest in the sweetest of kisses. Finley took a stuttered-sounding breath and Grayson felt the moisture on his skin. He realized Finley was silently crying. Grayson’s heart shattered. Not for himself, but for Finley. Grayson was always the burden. Finley had been good to him. Grayson didn’t want to drag him down.
He hugged Finley. “It’s okay.”
Finley blew out a sigh and rolled away. He covered his face. “I’m sorry.”
Grayson stared at Finley in confusion. He didn’t know what he had done wrong, but it was obvious Finley was in genuine pain. “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay if you want to tell me this was a mistake.” Grayson didn’t know if that was true. Likely, it would gut him if Finley said those words, but Finley had already told him his heart belonged to someone else. Grayson should have stood his ground after that moment and not let Finley kiss him.
Finley dropped his hands and turned his face Grayson’s way. He looked shattered. “I should explain.”
“You don’t have to.” Grayson didn’t know why he kept letting Finley off the hook. He just couldn’t hear he was a mistake. Grayson was always the mistake.
“My husband died a year ago,” Finley said, blanking Grayson’s mind. “I’m sorry,” Finley repeated, making things worse. “It’s not your fault. There’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, I like you a lot. I’m just not ready to move on, and I’m not sure I want to be ready. It’s not fair to you, but.” Finley motioned at himself as if his breakdown should cover any questions Grayson might have.
Grayson was oddly relieved. The problem really wasn’t him. Grayson zipped his pajamas. He couldn’t do this while exposed. “I understand.”
“I should’ve stayed away from you.”
Ouch. “Please stop talking now.”
Finley rolled from the bed.
Grayson wished his gaze didn’t follow Finley’s every move, but he was everything Grayson wanted and would never have. Despite truly understanding Finley’s side, he still fought tears. He had let himself dream and hope. Worst of all, Grayson had let himself get attached. He tried hard to be brave. “Thank you for the time you gave me. I’m sorry for everything.”
Finley looked ready to growl.
Grayson didn’t understand why he aggravated Finley so much. He was the one who had been rejected. Fuck. Grayson was trying to be an adult and God knew that was not his default setting.
“You told me to stop talking. Maybe you should too.”
That was fair. All Grayson did was fuck things up anyhow. He nodded and looked away. Grayson wouldn’t watch Finley leave. The inside of his head was already uglier than he could handle. It was best if he never saw Finley again. It was time to let this dream die.
Finley wished he had words. Grayson didn’t deserve this. Finley had led him on. They both knew it. Yet Grayson kept apologizing, like everything was his fault. Fuck. Finley wanted to yell at the top of his lungs. Grayson wouldn’t look at him any longer and Finley felt the waves of pain rolling off him. It had been a long time since Finley had been this ashamed of himself, but he still left. He walked away. Every step from Grayson’s bedroom to his car was hell. He felt like he left the sunshine behind to get back to his empty house.
As Finley walked through the door and his footsteps rang out, reminding him of his loneliness, Finley snapped. His temper completely shattered. He screamed at the top of his lungs. Finley had kept things bottled up for too long. He wanted to be happy. Coby had told him to keep going. He didn’t know how.
Finley stormed through the house, searching for something to break. By the time he made it to his bedroom, Finley deflated. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at nothing. At some point, Finley had become the bad guy. He let his pain become someone else’s. Grayson was just so fucking perfect for Finley. He wasn’t playing a role, hoping to snag a sugar daddy. Grayson was just clinging to an identity that hurt the least. Finley knew that without asking. When Grayson didn’t know Finley watched him, his every line screamed neglect and loneliness. They matched.
Then Grayson had thrown a fit and bit him. Finley had felt more like himself in that moment than he had since Coby died. He recaptured something when they kissed. Unfortunately, the reality of what he had done hit harder and faster than expected. He felt like he cheated on Coby, and Finley hated himself for that.
Finley sprawled out and stared at the ceiling. He knew Coby was gone. God knew his body felt the neglect. Tonight, for a moment, life had been different. He could still feel Grayson’s body beneath his. Finley felt Grayson’s desire. It was addicting, feeling alive. Wanted. Grayson was nearly half his age. He should have been joining the party, looking for someone young and sexy for the night. Instead, he had been with Finley.
Finley closed his eyes. The needy and exposed way Grayson had looked at him while asking Finley to be his daddy wouldn’t leave Finley’s head. He had never felt more torn in his life than he had in that moment. There was nothing standing in the way of Finley having Grayson. Other than himself, that is. When he had unzipped Grayson’s pajamas, he had nearly come right then. His body knew what it was missing. He had craved Grayson since the first time their gazes met. Finley’s cock stirred. His body burned. The taste of Grayson’s sweet lips still lingered on his tongue. He wondered if he had a hickey from Grayson sucking on his neck. The desire to jump back in his car and go to Grayson was real. It was crippling. Before Finley realized it happened, his pants were open, and he massaged his dick.
Every second Finley had spent with Grayson played through his mind. In that moment, Coby was gone. There was no one but Grayson. He was too turned on to feel guilty. The way Grayson always looked at him had Finley hotter than he could recall being in a long time. He wanted to see Grayson on his knees. Finley pictured it now. He pumped faster, wishing he could come on Grayson’s face. Finley knew without going down that road, Grayson would do whatever Finley asked and Finley would give him everything for it.