I wanted to follow her, but again, I couldn’t hurt a lesser member of the pack without reason, and her trying to defend her alpha was no reason. Her words had hit me deep, though, bringing up every memory of how much Torin used to hurt me, with his harsh words and heavy hands, with his dismissiveness and lack of protection against his father. Everyone in this pack had turned a blind eye to Victor’s treatment of my mom and me.
And now I was supposed to be their alpha-mate?
None of them deserved me. Maybe that was my current issue… my current anger. I was alpha-mate to a pack that I wished didn’t exist… and I couldn’t pretend to half-ass this role for much longer. Once I got to the bottom of this mystery about my memory and what had caused Torma to lose a few years of life to the Shadow Beast, then I would leave this pack behind and forge a new path. One hopefully with Simone in it.
By the time I made it back to the apartment, a plan had started to form in my head.
I’d take Jaxson up on that suggestion of interviewing members of the pack, starting with the higher-ranked ones. Someone had information and even the most insignificant fact could help.
I also wanted to get to the bottom of why my father had attacked Victor all those years ago. I’d always assumed it had been some sort of jealous lover shit to do with Glendra, Victor’s mate, who was notorious for stirring the male ego and temper, but maybe there had been more to it.
I was finally in a position to push for answers; only Torin could stop me in this quest, and if that fucker knew what was good for him, he’d carefully consider all moves made around me.
Just like on a chess board, the queen ruled everything.
He’d made a mistake in revoking the rejection because I was the fucking queen here, and I would sacrifice them all to learn my truth.
6
At some point through the night, in the middle of my angry musing and plan making, I wrote my six objectives down and left them on the notepad beside my bed so they’d be the first thing I saw upon waking.
1. Figure out what happened to me in the two months my memory was wiped.
2. Search out the catalyst for my father attacking the alpha.
3. Determine if Simone is safe and proceed to yell at her for worrying me.
4. Find out exactly why the Shadow Beast cursed us to lose time. Did it impact all the packs or only Torma? And why is no one more concerned by this abuse of power?
5. Make sure Lucinda Callahan, a.k.a. Mom, is alive and shacked up with an alpha. Then forget about her as solidly as she’s always forgotten about me.
6. Figure out why my heart is fluttering and palm itching.
I had zero explanation for number six, my skin showing no signs of any irritation except for the marks from where I’d near scratched it to thebbone. In regard to the flutter in my chest. Dr. Google was sure it was an early sign of a heart murmur or impending heart attack, but of course, those were human symptoms. In the preternatural sense, I had nothing.
When I eventually fell into a restless sleep, I tossed and turned through the night, until eventually I woke panting and crying out. The heart flutter and itchy palm was gone, only to be replaced with skin that felt like it was on fire. I ran my hands across my body, letting out a low moan as my overactive sex drive kicked into gear. I slid my fingers into my panties, only… every time I tried to touch my aching pussy, I couldn’t quite reach the spot desperate for relief.
Mine!
It was a growl of a word, and it jerked me from my half-sleep so fast that when I sat up, my head spun. I quickly looked around to determine that I was still alone, ragged bedroom furniture my only companions.
As I moved to the edge of my bed, the throbbing ache between my thighs deepened. In desperation, I staggered into the shower and cranked the water on as hard as it could go. Sinking into the small stall, I let the cold stream wash over me. I tried to bring myself to orgasm again, but again, no matter how much my fingers scraped over my clit, I couldn’t get close enough to do what needed to be done.
Any drowsiness I felt disappeared the moment I found myself clit-blocked by an invisible entity. “What the fuck?” I muttered, staring down in confusion. It was almost as if there was a barrier on my fucking vagina, and yet the water was hitting it fine…
I let my thighs fall open farther, the beat of the water landing right where I needed it, the chill almost sending me up the wall as it cooled my heated flesh. Soon I was moaning, the swirls of arousals so strong that I was near clawing the tiles in need.
“Holy fuck, Shadow Beast.” I cursed and cried out as an orgasm slammed into me.
Why I’d called out to the damn devil of shifters, I had no idea; it had just slipped out in that moment of release. I supposed if anyone was to thank for the pleasure a body could have, it was the one who’d created our race of beings. Thank you for the clit, Shadow Beast.
Oh, and the G-spot.
Dude deserved an award of some description. Even if he was the one currently messing with my memories.
As I came down from the high of my orgasm, I reached up and adjusted the temperature, wondering where to slot this additional what the actual fuck moment in my life.
I couldn’t touch myself.
When had that even happened? I mean, I hadn’t tried since waking in Torin’s bed because I’d been somewhat preoccupied with the missing months of my life, but my natural horniness was always going to rear its head sooner rather than later, and it seemed that I had another point to add to my list.
7. Kill the motherfucker who decided I couldn’t touch myself to bring pleasure.
If there was one thing I hated more than any other, it was the loss of my free will. No one was allowed to dictate what I did with my body. If this was thanks to whoever had stolen my memories, be it the Shadow Beast or someone else, I would be merciless when I found them.
By the time I dragged my ass out of the shower, I felt wrecked, but with determination filling my soul, I pushed through. Once I was dressed, I checked my phone, praying that somehow Simone had left me a message during the night.
Twenty text messages blinked at me, along with five or six voicemails. When I flicked through, half were from Torin and half from Jaxson. Checking in with me. Asking if I got home safely. Chewing me out for leaving the mixer without saying goodbye to the alphas.
I deleted them all and their voice messages without even bothering to listen. I was acting like an asshole, I was well aware of that, but… fuck them. Especially Torin. He didn’t deserve my forgiveness. I always thought the heroines in books I read were far too lenient with the alpha males. They never made those bastards work for the right to be part of their lives, letting their hormones do the thinking instead of their brains.
I would not just be forgiving and forgetting all the years of bullshit and torment I’d gone through. They owed me at least ten years of their changed attitudes before I’d consider it, and while Jaxson had taken the first step, Torin was not even in the race yet.
Pushing those two assholes from my mind, I left the apartment and headed toward town. Torma really only had one main section of shops, and since I hadn’t ventured this way since waking without my memories, I decided it was the perfect place to start my investigation. The main street was well known for its gossip.
As I walked, the heat beat down on me despite the early hour—it was going to be a scorcher today. Our elevation was high enough here that we often escaped the worst of the temps, and considering it was only spring, clearly, the weather was as pissed off as I was.