He studied my serious expression, then slowly nodded.
“Fine. I’ll sneak out the back. But think about my offer.”
I wrinkled my nose at him and silently pointed toward the door.
For the briefest moment, his expression shifted as he looked at me. His grin never faltered, but something flickered in his eyes before he shook his head and left. I had the distinct feeling I’d disappointed him by not immediately agreeing to pretend like he wanted.
Since coming to Uttira, I’d carefully held my ground, surrendering only minimal concessions to appease Adira and keep my mother away. Whenever I’d imagined attaining my freedom, it had never been won by giving in but rather by finding a way to gain their understanding. I’d figured out from the beginning that if Adira thought there was even a chance I’d willingly feed, she’d be after me like a shark in bloody water. And that’s exactly what would happen if Mom told Adira what she’d seen tonight.
Leaving my room, I went to Oanen’s door. No music played from inside, and I hesitated to knock. What could I possibly say that would undo what Mom thought she saw? What could get us back to the place where she was trying to understand me and not assuming I’d want another round of “breakfast in bed” succubus-style.
I knocked without having a plan.
When she didn’t immediately answer, I knocked again. It wasn’t like Mom to go to bed before midnight. Then again, it wasn’t like her to close her door either.
Frowning, I let myself in and looked at the dark interior of Oanen’s room. The curtains were open, letting in just enough moonlight so I could see the bed was made and empty.
I retraced my steps and grabbed my phone from my purse.
Me: I wasn’t doing anything inappropriate.
Mom: Of course you weren’t. Sexual play of any kind is very appropriate for your age. I hope you didn’t stop to reassure me. Go have fun. I hope he limps from your room when you’re done with him.
“Sweet Mary’s burnt biscuits!” I threw my phone on the bed before turning on my heel and marching into the bathroom.
Cold water helped cool the fire in my face but not the hunger burning in my belly at Mom’s coarsely painted imagining of my time with Fenris. I smoothed down any errant strands of my blonde hair and focused on my black eyes until they went back to their normal brown.
Returning to my phone, I tried again but more bluntly.
Me: Please don’t tell Adira about this. Nothing has changed. I don’t want to be pushed by either of you.
Mom: I’d kill her myself if she tried. I love you, baby. Now stop texting your mom and go have a good time.
Setting the phone aside, I went to the closet and changed into my pajamas. I wasn’t a fool. I knew Mom had omitted any type of promise about telling Adira. With my luck, Adira already knew. But, more worrisome was Mom’s threat. If Adira stepped out of line with me again, I wasn’t so sure Mom’s desire to be rid of Adira would remain idle.
Emotionally and physically exhausted, I crawled back into bed and turned off the lights. My pillow smelled like cake, and I buried my nose in the material and breathed deeply. As much as I wanted to tell myself that I’d kicked Fenris out so I could have a moment to think, there was much more to it than that.
I’d let him get too close, and now I was hungry for my last remaining friend. I closed my eyes and let a lone tear fall as I continued to breathe in his scent.
Gradually, I drifted to sleep. Rather than dreams of cakes, I revisited moments of my childhood. Memories drifted in and out of my dad as he gave different sermons. Those faded, replaced by a park. I looked at the trees hopefully, but there were no cakes, only barren branches.
I wandered, cold and alone, and I wrapped my arms around myself.
“Don’t cry. I’m here.” The high-pitched voice came from everywhere and nowhere.
I scanned the park, looking for the source, but I was still alone. Or, at least, I was until two skunks popped into existence and started going at it. Two became four. Four became sixteen.
Something wet touched my cheek.
I immediately brushed at my face. My hand came away clean. Even in my dream, I knew what that meant.
“Why me?” I wailed.
Fighting against the pull of sleep, I resurfaced to the tiniest tongue lapping in my ear. Not on. In. Thrusting.
“Eew!” I batted at the brownie, and my hand hit fluttering wings and twitching hips. Sparkles erupted, and a few landed in my eye. More than a few landed in my mouth. The skunk flavor coated my taste buds even as I choked on the horrific taste.
The scream that ripped from my throat was an equal mixture of horror and rage. I wiped frantically at my tongue, but it only spread the pungency. Rage won over horror.
My vision turned razor-sharp, and I twisted toward the blissed-out brownie sprawled on my pillow.
“You only have three words to justify why I shouldn’t kill you,” I said, already anticipating the way his little bones would snap in my unforgiving grip. His blood and bile would wash away the sparkle staining my—
“I love you.”
He opened his eyes, his gaze full of mindless devotion.
“I will love you until the day I die.”
Sick at myself, I turned away from him and swallowed hard. Reality was cruel, but what I’d been ready to do was far crueler. And so unlike me.
I’d made Piepen my mindless love slave because of an accidental feeding. It didn’t matter that he was perpetuating it by coming back even after I specifically told him not to. Or that it was in his nature to be a little horndog. What mattered was that I had been ready to kill him just for being himself. Well, a version of himself.
“Why are you here, Piepen?” Speaking each word smeared the repugnant essence of skunk inside my mouth. I gagged and got out of bed. He flitted to the air in all his naked glory and followed me to the bathroom.
“I needed some advice. But, then I saw you sleeping. You were so beautiful and sad and alone and…I know I’m not supposed to love you and that I’m supposed to stay away, but I just couldn’t help myself. You won’t tell Glistening Dewcup, will you?”
“Who?” I unscrewed my mouthwash, took a big mouthful, and swished as I listened.
“My girlfriend. Dewy can get a little jealous. That’s what I need advice about. I was playing the field like Fenris said, seeing who liked my acorns the best, you know?”
He reached between his legs and started fondling said acorns. His lust filled the air, but I wasn’t yet ready to spit out the mouthwash to tell him to stop.
“A few of the ladies almost milked them as fast as you did with your hand. Remember that time?”
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Right,” he said, stopping his fondling and getting serious. “Dewy took one look at what I had to offer,” he gestured at his tiny pole, “and decided she had to have me. She pulled a patch of hair straight out of Peachspray’s head. Judy didn’t even stand a chance and lost her nose ring.”
I winced on the poor, unknown brownie’s behalf and finally spit even though Piepen’s nasty taste wasn’t gone.
“Piepen, who did you hook up with? Brownzilla?”
His face went from pleading confusion to perfectly blank.
“I love you, Eliana. But, I can’t let you talk about my girlfriend like that.”