I put my lips close to Isiah’s ear and whispered, “I love you, Isiah Shadowend, I always have, and I always will. More than I could ever express to you.”
A shiver ran through him, and he took a deep breath before continuing on to the next platter on the table. He didn’t reply, and I didn’t expect him to. He could take that however he wanted.
He’d made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want me in any sort of romantic way, so I was going to give him what he needed, even if it hurt to push those feelings aside. He was my soul-pledged, and that was enough. It had to be.
When I finally pulled away from Izzy to give him some space to eat, I caught Laz’s gaze and saw the deep frown on his face. He looked hurt. No, heartbroken, and I didn’t know why.
His gaze flitted over my face before his frown deepened, and he turned his entire body to Grady. He started talking, but I couldn’t pay attention to his words, I could only stare at him and his body language. He was tense and stiff and sad. Seeing that was breaking my heart. Laz should be happy and lighthearted. He should know how much everyone at this table cared about him. But his sadness was radiating off of him, and I hated it.
He hadn’t been like that when Izzy was holding his hand or when the three of us were laughing together. In fact, that moment of laughter had been perfect.
And now it seemed that I’d hurt him somehow. But how? By whispering in Izzy’s ear? Was Laz jealous?
My eyes widened. That was it, wasn’t it? Laz was jealous, and if he was jealous, that had to mean that he had some kind of feelings toward me, didn’t it?
Why did that make me feel warm inside?
Shouldn’t I feel guilty? Shouldn’t I feel bad that he was upset?
I mean, I suppose I did feel bad that he was sad. I didn’t want him to be sad, but… but if he was upset by me whispering to Izzy and kissing his cheek, maybe that meant he still… that he would want to… that we could maybe…
“Raphie?”
I jerked my head around to find my brother staring at me with a worried expression on his face. “Hm?”
Alaric’s brow furrowed as he asked, “You alright?”
I nodded. “Yeah, fine. Sorry, I was distracted, daydreaming. What were you saying?”
He still wore a funny face, but he asked, “Did you reverse the spell Father put on the grimoire yet?”
My jaw ticked. “No.”
“Why not? I thought you wanted to—”
“No.” My unexpected anger flowed through me, threatening to release as a giant fireball in the middle of my brother’s house. Somehow, I didn’t think that’d be acceptable. Even I knew my reaction was outrageous, but I couldn’t seem to tamp down the anger.
“Raphie, I thought you wanted the grimoire to show your life and that of your daughter’s.” A family’s grimoire was spelled to record the lives of all family members, but my father had cast me out and erased my existence from our records—he was an asshole. “I thought… that’s why I got the spell from Father when I visited him. It isn’t right that he made the grimoire stop following your life. We need to fix it—”
“Alaric,” Isiah said calmly, cutting him off.
“Yes?” Alaric’s gaze flitted to Izzy.
“I think we need to drop this subject for now,” Isiah said, still in that calm voice.
My brother’s jaw tensed, and in an uncharacteristic display of anger, he said, “No, I don’t think we do.”
Grady started, “Alaric, maybe—”
“No, dove,” Alaric cut him off. “It’s okay for them to come here and demand to know everything that happened to me. It’s okay for them to read about my entire life in that grimoire, but it isn’t okay for me to ask a simple question about my niece? I don’t even know her name. I could have family out there that—”
“Faye,” I said quietly. “My daughter.”
Alaric’s anger seemed to release all at once from him, and his face morphed to one of concern. “That’s a beautiful name, Raphie.”
Isiah whispered, “She was named after one of my sisters.”
I reached over to grab Izzy’s hand under the table knowing this topic was just as hard for him as it was for me. Alaric didn’t realize what he was asking of us by bringing it up. Was it fair to him? No. But I didn’t want to open these wounds. I wasn’t sure Isiah or I could handle it without us both bleeding out.
Alaric asked, “One of them… you have more than one sister?”
Isiah nodded. “Had… I had three sisters. They… they’re gone now. So are my three brothers.”
Alaric’s eyes widened. “I’m so sorry, Isiah, I didn’t—”
Isiah shoved his chair back and stood abruptly. “I-I need to use the bathroom. I’ll… I’ll be right back.” He started dashing out of the room, but paused to stare me in the eyes. “Don’t follow me, Raph. Promise.” After I gave him a short nod against my better judgment, he dashed up the stairs.
Alaric said, “I’m sorry, Raphie, I shouldn’t have pushed.”
“It’s alright, little runt.”
He glanced at the table, then back into my eyes. “I only wish to know what happened to the two of you while I was imprisoned, because I want to understand. I want to be there for you both, and I—”
“I know, Alaric. And I’m sorry. We’ve had some hard things happen, and I don’t exactly like bringing up those topics.”
Alaric nodded. “I understand, but please remember that I’m here if you need to talk.”
“I know you are.” I smiled. “And I’ll tell you everything one day, but right now, can we eat all this delicious food the two of you made?” I glanced at Grady, too.
Alaric nodded. “Of course.”
Laz slowly stood. “I’ll, um, I’ll be right back.” He walked out of the dining room and up the stairs without waiting for a response. I almost walked after him, but then I remembered that I’d promised Izzy I wouldn’t follow him, so I remained seated and blew out a frustrated breath.
I wanted to go up there and make sure Izzy was alright, but if I couldn’t be there, Laz was the perfect person to go instead.
And that thought proved just how much I already trusted Laz.
Chapter 5
Isiah
When I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, I prepared myself for a fight because I assumed Raph had broken his promise not to follow me. When Laz rounded the corner, the bluster fell from me in a gush of air.
Laz shifted on his feet for a moment, then met my eyes with his and said, “I know you didn’t want anyone following you, but… I couldn’t stand the thought of you being upset and alone.”
I nodded, then walked closer to him. His eyes widened like he wasn’t sure if I was about to hit him or something, but instead of letting my anger control me, I decided to let him comfort me like I knew he wanted. Like I knew I wanted, too.
Stepping close enough that our chests bumped, I whispered, “I’m glad it was you coming up here.”
He smiled softly, then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I sank into his embrace, letting his strong arms support me and his presence offer solace. I felt safe in his arms, so I snuggled down even further. I wasn’t typically a cuddler, but I needed it right then, and since he was offering, I took it. Not only took it, I liked it. The only other person I’d ever felt this way with was Raph.