Laz rubbed my back and managed to hold me tight for so long that I relaxed in his arms.
When I finally felt like a normal person and not someone that was about to burst into tears or explode in anger, I pulled away and sent Laz a tiny, thankful smile.
He returned it and asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. “Not today.”
He nodded, and I appreciated that he wasn’t going to push. If Raph had come up, he likely would have, and I wasn’t in the mood. Of course, Raph knew my history, but he’d make me talk out what I was feeling, and I simply couldn’t. Maybe Laz didn’t know me well enough to push, or maybe he could tell that I didn’t need to be pushed right now. Either way, I appreciated his easy acceptance.
“You ready to head back down?” he asked.
I blew out a breath and nodded. “Yeah.”
He shot me a sweet smile. “Good, ‘cause I’m starving.”
With a grin, I led the way back downstairs. A bubble of nerves caught up with me right before I entered the dining room, but Laz put his hand between my shoulder blades and rubbed a little, steeling my nerves. I didn’t know what it was about the man that set me at ease, but I appreciated it more and more every time I saw him.
Taking a breath, I squared my shoulders and headed in. When Laz dropped his hand, I missed the contact immediately, but knowing he was right there behind me helped ease the unfamiliar feeling.
Raph grinned up at me and said, “Oh my gods, Iz, you gotta try these rolls. They’re to die for. I think my brother’s trying to become a chef.”
The smile I offered him was genuine. He was trying to make me comfortable and not bring up the fact that I’d run away. “They smell good,” I said as I took my seat beside my soul-pledged.
Raph placed a roll on my plate, then reached under the table to squeeze my thigh for a moment before he turned his attention to Laz, asking, “Do you want one, too?”
Laz nodded. “Sure, thanks. This all looks amazing, you guys.”
Grady and Alaric told him to dig in, and Raph leaned over me to put a roll on Laz’s plate, then shoulder-bumped me as he settled back in and began loading my plate up for me. He knew I’d been upset, but he could feel through our link that Laz had helped settle me.
The rest of dinner flew by, and before I knew it, I was ready for bed. The long weeks seemed to be catching up with me. As everyone settled in the living room, I said, “I’m really sorry, but I think I need to head to bed early.”
Grady and Alaric immediately looked worried, but that was nothing compared to Raph, who stood and moved directly in front of me. He placed his wrist on my forehead, then began running his hands over my face and hair, checking if I was sick and searching for an injury, I assumed. I grabbed his wrists to still his fussing and said, “I’m fine.”
“Then why are you going upstairs?” he whispered.
“I’m tired, and I think all that food put me in a coma.”
Raph opened his mouth, but cut himself off when Laz appeared beside us, whispering, “Do you need me to leave?”
Raph’s eyes widened at the intrusion—it was considered rude to interrupt soul-pledges when they were in an intimate stance like we were; not that Laz knew that, and even so, I found that I didn’t mind him speaking with us—more than that, though, was that I could see that Raph didn’t want Laz to leave. I could see it in his eyes.
I turned to look at the human, at my friend, and said, “No, Laz, I told you before that I want you around.”
“You talked about it?” Raph asked loudly enough I was sure Grady and Alaric heard him.
Ignoring him, Laz said, “Are you sure, Iz? The last thing I want to do is—”
I grabbed his forearm, instantly quieting him. “I’m sure. I’m tired and worn out from the past few weeks. I didn’t mean any offense, Laz. I’m sorry.”
Laz’s brow furrowed. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I didn’t mean to worry you.”
Raph’s eyes had been ping-ponging back and forth between us, and finally, he said, “He means it, Laz, he wants you around. I can feel it.”
Laz pulled his green-eyed gaze from me to stare at Raph. “Promise?”
Raph’s entire body seemed to soften under that sweet question, and I couldn’t really blame him, even if I did feel my old friend Jealousy stirring in my gut. Laz was too sweet for his own good, and I could easily see why Raph liked him so much. That didn’t mean I wanted them together. Although it didn’t mean I didn’t want them together, either.
Raph’s quiet, “Yeah, Laz, I promise,” about did me in. He had a softness for Laz, and I’d never seen him have that with anyone but me before. Not even so many years ago when he was with… Don’t think about it.
“Okay,” Laz said in a whisper before meeting my eyes again. “Are you sure you’re alright? Do you need anything?”
I felt myself soften under those green eyes as well. Apparently, Raph wasn’t the only one unable to resist melting at the sight of those green orbs and the sweet, kind voice. “I’m sure, Laz. I promise I’m only tired and going upstairs to sleep.”
He took a breath and nodded. “Okay.”
As he turned to leave, I stopped him again, waited for him to make eye contact, and said, “Have a good night, okay? Keep… keep an eye on Raph for me, yeah?” I flicked my eyes to Raph, then back to Laz. “I think you two might need to keep each other company.”
Laz’s eyes widened, and Raph breathed, “Izzy.”
I sent them both a smile. “I mean it. It would… it would be good for both of you.”
“Isiah,” Raph said at the same time that Laz whispered, “Iz…”
“Good night, you two. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”
Turning on my heel, I rushed up the stairs. I hoped Raph knew that was my way of giving him permission, not that he really needed it.
All I’d ever wanted was for Raphael to be happy, and since I knew I couldn’t give him everything he needed, everything he deserved, who better else to fill that hole for him than Lazarus Callanan?
At least he was a good guy that cared about my feelings as well. If I had to sit on the sidelines and watch Raph with someone else, if we had to make a new family—again—with someone else, I couldn’t think of anyone better than Laz.
I’d find a way to live with it.
Like I always did.
Chapter 6
Lazarus
I could only gape at Isiah as he ran up the stairs and away from us. Did he just… was that… was that what I thought it was? Or was it only wishful thinking?
And if it was what I thought it was… could I really do that to him?
Turning my gaping mouth to Raph, I saw a strange combination of emotions flitting over his face. He looked almost heartbroken, but then he seemed… hopeful, too. Like he was sad and happy at the same time, but I couldn’t figure out why exactly.
A slow smile spread over his face as he stared at me, and instead of the sexy, cocky smirk I was expecting, this smile was soft. It was familiar. It was intimate.