I had long ago given up the dream of being loved by a man. A man who would be there to help me when life got hard, to enjoy and celebrate all the good things with. But mostly, having someone to curl up on the lounge at night with and just feel safe and loved. Oh, and of course - he would be awesome in bed! The last time I’d had sex was so long ago that I couldn't even remember what that pleasure felt like. Late at night, I sometimes wondered what it would feel like to be worshiped, just like I read about in books and saw in movies.
“Ouch!” I cursed as I kick my toe on the corner of the bench. Shit, that brought me out of my day dream quickly. Come on Emily get on with what needs to be done. The day won’t wait for you.
Hoping the morning would run smoother, I took a sip of coffee and looked at my diary for the week. The rent for the month was due Thursday. I would have to check my accounts at lunch time on the work computer to make sure I was covered. I couldn’t afford the internet or a computer, for that matter, but Mr. Janson let me use the office one at lunchtime. He had been a great boss, especially when the kids got sick. The business had recently been taken over, however, and my new manager was a real cow. She didn't have kids and couldn't understand my daily struggles at all. In the last month, she had handed me a couple of warnings. I was worried she was trying to cut staff and the easiest way to do that was to push us until we messed up.
If I made mistakes, I could cope with the warnings. Instead, it had been for being five minutes late a couple of times because of the kids, or twenty minutes late because the bus broke down. The classic, of course was because I had turned up one day with a stain on my uniform, courtesy of having to carry Sophia to school from the bus after she fell over and hurt her knee. That day, I swear, I was so close to punching my manager in the throat. It’s only that I was desperate for this job that I did what I always do and stood there, painted on my ‘happy face’ and took what life keeps slapping me with. I smiled the whole way through it, while it broke just a little bit more of my soul. Some days, life was just too hard.
As I started putting the lunch boxes in Sophia and Samuel’s school bags, I glanced at the clock on the microwave. “Hurry up, you two munchkins! You need to eat breakfast and do your teeth, or we will miss the bus. Your toast is on the bench getting cold,” I yelled down the hallway. No sooner had I finished the sentence then I heard the thumping of footsteps running down the hall as they burst around the corner, giggling. “What are you two laughing about?”
“Nothing much, Mommy. Sophia was pulling faces at me while I was trying to help her do up her shoe laces,” Sammy said through a mouthful of toast. I knew Soph would have let him do the shoelaces to cheer him up. The silly faces would have been to make him laugh and forget about the bed wetting. She was such a gentle soul and loved her brother so much. She would do anything for him.
“How about we don’t talk until we finish our mouthful of food please, Sammy. I don’t want to wear toast to work today.”
“Sorry Mom, I will try to remember”.
We may not have much, but we had each other and that was all we needed. The three of us rushed through our morning routine and were ready to go out the door for the bus. We had got out to the front porch when I realized I had left my work jacket on my bed. I told the kids to stand at the door and not move a step, I would be right back. I raced into the flat and down the hallway to my room to grab the jacket. It wasn’t where I had left it and I couldn’t see it. I raced into the kitchen and it was nowhere to be seen. I hurried back to the bedroom and realized it had slipped off the bed and onto the floor on the other side. I grabbed it and ran back to the door.
As I turned around to lock the door, the kids started talking about the nice man who was taking their picture. What the hell are they talking about? My mind started racing in all sorts of terrifying directions. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to the kids. Trying to keep my voice calm, I asked, “What man was taking your pictures while I was inside?”
Sophia replied with a smile, “The nice man who smiled and waved at us while he was taking some pictures. He had a big camera and hopped out of that big car over there.” She pointed to a very sporty and expensive looking BMW parked across the road. I had a bad feeling about this and that was never good in my world.
“Did he talk to either of you?”
Sammy looked up at me with worried eyes. “No Mommy, he just smiled and waved, and we waved back to him. He looked like a nice man. Are we in trouble for waving? We didn’t talk to him, we know we aren’t allowed to do that.” The tears welled in his eyes.
“No, Sammy, you aren’t in trouble. We better hurry for the bus so we don’t miss it. We can talk on the bus, okay?”
Sammy started to grin again when he looked up at Soph and said, “I’ll race you to the bus stop, Sophia! I bet I can beat you!”
“No way, I am faster!” she replied as they tore off down the footpath to the street from the apartment complex. As I rushed down the path, I looked around to see if I could see anyone hanging around looking suspicious. There was no one to be seen except for old Mr. Thomson, who sat on his front steps every morning in his bathrobe and slippers smoking his pipe. I will go and talk to him tonight. He may have seen this mystery man.
I turned the corner onto the street to see the kids arrive at the bench seat of the bus stop at the same time. They proceeded to argue about who won. Some things in life never change. I could see our bus coming down the road, so I broke into a little jog to make sure I was there in time. Settling into the seat on the bus with the kids next to the window, I leaned over them as we went down the road past the BMW. I quickly recorded the number plate in my phone in case I needed it. I hoped to God I didn’t, but my mind was always suspicious. I think it came from being on my own with the kids. I was always on the lookout for trouble and making sure I protected them from any danger.
After settling the twins at school, I ran through the door to work at 8.59am. Phew! One minute to spare this morning. Miss Bitch face glared at me from her desk, but she could go jump. I start at 9am and I was here by 9.am, even if it was by the skin of my teeth. The morning went by without anything out of the ordinary happening. I worked in a department store in the city at the cosmetics counter. I enjoyed my job, talking to customers and helping them. It was just my new boss making it miserable and each day was getting harder to remain the bubbly sales assistant I used to be.
I loved talking to the women who shopped in our store. It was obvious that money was never an issue for them. They shopped frequently and were always trying out the new products. Some of them were just naturally beautiful. I wondered why they even needed all these products because they would be stunning with nothing on their face. There were others who purchased every product available and tried to improve their looks. What they were missing was the saying, “less is more”. They plastered so much makeup on their face, they looked terrible. I think they used a shovel as the applicator!
We saw all types in the shop and that was what made my life interesting. There were a few regulars, though, that I had become friendly with. I loved when they turned up and we always had a laugh when we talked as they shopped. There were a few of those women who were older and treated me like a daughter or granddaughter. They fussed over me and always asked for photos of the kids and asked what they were up to. One older lady, Mrs. Graceton, always brought in a little present for them. It was usually a lollipop or a bag of sweets. I saved them for special times or rewards at home. She was a gracious, elderly woman. I would have loved to have been her granddaughter.