I felt terrible that my moving the kids again had made him vulnerable, but I’d had no other choice. When the landlord of the previous flat said he had to put the rent up, I knew our days were numbered. I tried to barter with him, offering to do odd jobs around the complex. I tried everything short of begging, but he had always been an arrogant, heartless man. He was short with a podgy stomach and greasy hair, balding on the top but had three strands of hair he combed over the top all the time. It looked ridiculous. He thought he was pretty hot, but the only reaction he brought to my mind was vomiting.
I had always kept my interaction minimal, but remained polite. We needed the apartment. It was a good neighborhood and close to the twin’s school and my job. It was clean, tidy and within my budget. There were other children in the block around the same age, which made play time easier to entertain the twins. I made some friends and we helped each other out with the kids.
When the landlord dropped the bombshell of the rent increase, he stood and watched me crumble in front of him. When I offered to work around the complex to help pay the increase, he refused. He then put his hand on my arm and started to slide it up towards my shoulder. I shuddered and pulled away instantly. He then had the hide to tell me we could work off the rent increase another way and he would keep it just between us. I felt the bile in my throat and couldn’t stop my reaction, which happened simultaneously with the last word coming out of his slimy mouth.
My hand collided with his cheek hard. He jerked his head to the side and his three comb-over hairs flew up in the air. I didn’t wait for him to speak. I turned on my heels and shouted over my shoulder where he could shove his offer and that I would be out by the next weekend (which was when my rent was paid up to).
I stormed back into my apartment and slammed the door. Luckily, the kids were over at Maria’s playing. Once inside, I leaned back against the door and slid down to the floor. Tears fell hard as I curled my knees up to my chest. Once again, I had no home for Samuel and Sophia and that ripped a hole through my heart.
I sat and cried for a few minutes until I could get my breath back. Okay, Princess. Time to suck it up and get on with finding a new home. You have been in this position before and you can get through it again. I never let myself believe life would be okay and get easier, because it never did for us. Not sure why, but that was just our life. If you accepted it, then it made it easier to cope with.
The next day, I went to work and started asking around for a new unit. Janine knew of a place next door to her grandmother. It was a bit rundown, but was cheap and tidy. Old Mrs. Turner’s neighbor had a stroke and had to go into care, so the apartment was coming up for rent.
It wasn’t ideal, being further to travel to work and school. Without a car, it meant two connecting buses or a subway trip and a walk. Sadly, though, it was my only option. I signed the lease with the manager and used the little savings I had to put down the bond. I would be owed my bond from the old apartment, but I had a feeling the landlord would find some reason to withhold it.
Janine and Louisa from work organized their husbands to come around with trucks and help me move the small amount of furniture we had. I was glad to get out of there, but Samuel and Sophia both cried as we walked out of the complex for the last time. They had friends and were upset to leave. At the age of seven, this had happened way too many times already. As much as I promised we would visit, the reality is that we wouldn’t. Life was hard on a daily basis and it was about to get that little bit harder.
That was seven months ago, and I was right - life had gotten harder. Sammy’s bed wetting was just one thing. Soph had become withdrawn and quiet. There weren’t many kids here to play with, so she tended to just stay inside and play on her own or with Sammy. She was happy enough, but her confidence was definitely becoming an issue. With all the extra travel needed each day, I was exhausted by the time we got home. My patience was short, and I found I yelled too much at the kids.
This morning’s wet bed episode was just the perfect start to the day. I wanted to scream ‘Why me?’ at the top of my lungs, but couldn’t. Especially when I looked down at my sleeping angel who was wet and stunk of pee. He loved me unconditionally, no matter how bad a mother I felt I was.
“Sammy baby, you need to wake up little man. You’re all wet and we need to have a shower and get the sheets in the washer.” Sammy looked up at me through his half open eyes with sadness.
“I’m sorry, Mommy, I tried really hard, but it just doesn’t work. Why doesn’t it work, Mommy?” Now those little baby blue eyes were filling with tears as they looked up at me.
“It’s okay, little man. It will fix itself soon. You will forget all about these days.” At least, I hoped it would. I’m not sure how much more either of us could take.
“Jump up, Sammy, and head to the bathroom. I will grab the sheets, then you and I will have a quick shower before we wake Sophia up. What do you say?”
“Okay, Mommy. Can we have magic smiley cakes for breakfast, pretty please?” As I looked down at those puppy eyes, I almost gave in. I knew I just couldn’t possibly do it.
“Sorry bud, not today. We can’t be late for school. On Saturday, I promise, alright? Pinkie promise?” As he lifted his tiny hand up to mine to link our pinkies, I gave him a little kiss on the hand and said, “Sealed deal”.
“Sealed deal,” Sammy replied and then sat up and started to climb out of my bed. He wandered down the hall to the bathroom.
With our sheets and pyjamas now washing, I turned on the shower and Sammy and I quickly jumped in together. It was not ideal, but unfortunately, a necessity. I had to cut costs where I could, so we showered together. On the weekends, the kids got the treat of a bath. That meant I got a cold bath after they’d finished playing. It sucked, but it was helping to get little savings behind me again after the move. With Christmas coming up and heading into the winter, I would need the extra money.
While dressing Samuel, I reached over to Sophia’s bed in their shared room and kissed her little cheek, which was poking out of her blankets. “Time to wake up for school, Sophia, my princess.” She blinked once and was then wide awake. Looking around, she smiled as she found Pinkie the pink bear that she’d slept with since she was born.
“Morning, Mommy!” She reached up for a cuddle and morning kiss. I snuggled into her. Nothing beat the smell of your kids first thing in the morning as they got ready for the adventures of another day. Sammy jumped up onto the bed with Soph and joined in the cuddle. My two babies were very close, and I hoped they would stay that way forever.
“Mommy, why do you and Sammy have wet hair?” Sophia said, pulling out of the cuddle. Sammy’s face dropped a little and I put my arms around his shoulders.
“Sammy had another little accident in my bed so we had a shower. No problems. Now, time to rise and shine and get dressed. We don’t want to be late.” I leant down and kissed them both, then headed to the kitchen to get breakfast started, simultaneously packing their lunches and school bags. As I walked away, I heard Sophia turn to Samuel and tell him that it was okay and not to worry, because Mommy would help him fix it. That is what a Mommy does, they always fix things. He smiled and hugged his sister, then helped get her clothes out of her draws.
My shoulders dropped a little lower as I walked away, wondering if I would ever be able to give them both a world they could ever feel safe in again. I did know one thing, though - I would never give up trying. I would put my life aside until the kids were grown and out in the world on their own feet, living their dreams. My dreams were not as important as those of my two beautiful angels.