“But where does he go every day during dinner?”
“Probably anywhere there isn’t a crowd and no one will annoy him.”
I don’t know what to say to this. It seems like a not-so-subtle warning from Theo to stay away. Or a hint: Don’t bother.
I can sense in the way Theo leans back that he’s about to leave us. Matt must feel it, too, because he peppers Theo with questions and tries to convince him to play one round of the game with us. But I’m ready for Theo to move on, shine his spotlight somewhere else.
As he walks away and rejoins Anastasia, he says something that makes both her and the other third year constantly at her side, Ariel Maddox, turn back our way. They’re looking at me. Theo’s face reads exuberant, like he could’ve said anything, mean or nice or nonchalant. Ariel’s expression is dry, nothing revealed. But Anastasia looks at me with wide, curious eyes. Like something Theo said must’ve intrigued her.
Five
Another day of Jasper passing me in the hallways without a second glance, always in a hurry and walking too quickly for anyone to catch up to him, but I don’t feel bad that I’ve made no progress in getting Jasper to notice me. Not yet. I have a new plan. Love can’t be rushed, and it can wait. Because while love is something you can hold against someone, laws broken and nondisclosure agreements tied to millions of dollars are more straightforward in terms of what can be used for entrapment. Therefore, I decide to turn my attention toward Theo. And the key to Theo is Anastasia Bowditch.
Elena and her friends regard Anastasia as the school gossip—hair so big it’s full of secrets jokes abound. And while I never doubted that Anastasia doesn’t know all the skeletons in Theo’s closet, this reputation of hers makes it seem like it’d be a guarantee that if I’m close enough to her, she’ll tell me whatever I want to know about him.
Anastasia strolls a few feet in front of me in the hallway with Ariel Maddox. If Theo is Anastasia’s number one, Ariel is her number two. Ariel hardly ever smiles, from what I’ve seen. She has a constant poker face. It doesn’t make her seem unfriendly, though. I think this is probably a quality Theo and Anastasia like about her—what makes her a good ally and fellow gatekeeper to all the secrets Anastasia knows, Theo’s transgressions included.
To make myself valuable to people like them, I need to have something they want. And if they trade in information, then that’s what I’ll use to barter my way closer to them. Even if the information I give them isn’t good or even true.
“Hey,” I say, approaching Anastasia and Ariel. They slow their pace and stop their conversation, but neither of them say hey back. They stare at me, waiting. Like they know I’m about to present something to them and are waiting to see if it’s worthy of their time.
“I heard something weird, and I didn’t know if it was true…” Bored. They look so bored. “And it’s about Theo, so I thought—”
“What did you hear?” Anastasia stops in her tracks. Ariel walks to the other side of me, so I’ll be forced to stop, too.
Their wide eyes blink impatiently at me. Their lips purse into judgmental pouts. I’m almost tempted to tell them the truth. I know what Theo was involved in two summers ago. But it’s too early to play that card. It would make me seem suspicious to them—a possible threat.
“I heard that Theo was on steroids.”
They stare at me, their expressions unchanging until they both start to laugh. Even Ariel has broken her poised glare to chuckle in my face, at my expense.
“Theo has muscles, but not steroid muscles,” Anastasia says.
“I mean, people don’t just use steroids to build muscle mass,” I say. “They can be performance enhancers, too—”
“If that were true, Theo wouldn’t be second-string on the water polo team.” Anastasia laughs so hard she has to wipe a tear from her left eye.
This isn’t the reaction I was expecting.
“But aren’t you concerned that this rumor is going around? Couldn’t it jeopardize Theo’s chances at getting into college or—”
This, if you can believe it, makes them laugh even harder. It’s mortifying. I thought they would want to know who’d started this rumor. I thought they’d thank me for telling them before it got out of hand.
Instead, Ariel shakes her head at me. “Get a better source,” she says.
They’re still laughing as they walk away.
Okay, fine, so that backfired. It was a lie and a faux rumor, and the two of them could smell it from a mile away.
I round the corner and collide with someone, both of our books falling to the ground. This time, it’s the gods who are laughing, because the person I rammed into is Jasper.
“What are you doing here?” I actually say out loud. Shoot.
He scowls at me. But really, he has organic chemistry this period, and that’s in the other direction—except I look up and see the lab right in from of us. Oh no; it’s me who was going the wrong way, distracted and caught off guard by Anastasia and Ariel’s reaction. And now he’s seen me like this—flustered and clumsy.
“Are you lost, Collins?” he says.
“No.” It comes out too defensive, and Jasper leans away from me. “I was just—I thought—” Nope, no excuses are coming to mind. No recovering from this.
“Hey, I get it,” he says, his voice friendlier than I’ve ever heard it. He reaches down to pick up our spilled books. “It’s been a long week.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Yes. This week—it just … keeps going.”
He hands me my textbooks, and my face flashes hot. He smiles, and he seems warm and nice. Maybe I’ve caught him at a peaceful moment, right before O-Chem lab; the calm before the academic storm when he’ll turn intense and boring, as Theo says, or serious and rigid and impatient, the way I’m used to him.
And as I walk away, I wonder if he’s watching me the way he did the girl in the purple dress the first night at Rutherford. I don’t keep my cool; I glance back. He’s not there anymore.
Six
Anastasia’s in my post–Cold War Europe history class. For this hour, we’re allowed to sit anywhere. Usually, she sits next to Ruby Rivera, but today, I arrive at class before Ruby and take Ruby’s seat. Ruby only blinks at me when she walks in and notices. But Ruby is like everyone here and has more important things—like college applications and academic mediocrity—to worry about than where she sits in class.
“Hey, Anastasia?” I tap her shoulder when there’s five minutes left in class and we’re let loose to start the assignment.
Here’s what I’ve learned about Anastasia Bowditch since making her my main focus. She absolutely does not like to be called Ana and will not respond to it. She frequently gets reprimanded for wearing four rings instead of the Rutherford-approved two. She’s from Seattle, so she often sees Theo even when they aren’t at Rutherford, since his family’s home is across Lake Washington in Bellevue. She’s a vegetarian who likes steak seasoning on her steamed broccoli—observed on more than one occasion during dinner. She’s on the swim team and, like many other students here, has a private coach who trains her when she’s not at Rutherford. She used to go out with a third year named Zayn Patel but has been single since mid-July.