She turned towards Rosemary. They were silent for a moment, regarding each other. ‘Good luck.’
Kara nodded, getting out of the car. Taking a deep breath, she straightened her jumper and took hold of the strap of her satchel, swinging it over her shoulder.
One of the GCSE students did a double take as Kara walked past. She glared at him. Best get this over with, she thought.
Her ears buzzed with the echoing ring of the bell and her senses prickled. She still found it difficult to concentrate. Sometimes the black dots would dance across her vision causing her to blink furiously. The doctors told her that it would ease with time. That her sight, hearing, smell – all her senses – would return to normal.
And that’s what she wanted, to be normal, the same as everyone else.
Morning assembly had just finished and crowds of students teemed through the corridors, jostling each other. Kara inhaled slowly and for the twentieth time wished she’d stayed at home. She straightened up and began to walk towards hell: her first class.
Ashleigh hadn’t been in contact for weeks. Jenny barely at all. Her friends had slowly melted away, one by one. It was probably her appearance, one side of her hair clumpy and short, a scar running like a bolt of lightning back from her temple towards her hairline. It was mostly covered now but you could see the raised line of white, her forever scar.
Kara didn’t like to think about it. Right now she had better concentrate on being boringly normal for the day to avoid any more awkward stares. She hurried through the halls and into history class. As she eased herself into her seat the second bell rang. Her eardrums hummed with the fading sound.
She concentrated on taking out her books before staring resolutely at the board. Ashleigh and Jenny were behind her. Words floated over to her in wisps of conversation. She tried to ignore them, to block them out.
‘. . . her hair looks . . .’
‘. . . I heard she died on the operating table . . . terrible accident . . .’
‘. . . wow, did you see who’s back . . .’
Kara closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on something apart from the chatter of her classmates. A noise to the side of her desk startled her. She opened her eyes and tried to focus. A girl, Heather something or other, was bending down beside Kara’s desk, picking up the folder that she’d just dropped. Kara reached down to help her, but the girl fired her a look of such distaste that Kara stopped mid-action.
Unsure what had just happened, Kara turned in her seat and looked ahead as the teacher began. Her schedule sucked: history class followed by double English, then there was PE. She had a couple of study periods dotted through the day, perfect for all the catching up she needed to do. College applications went out in a few weeks.
The bell rang signalling the end of English class. The prospect of moving through the corridors alone made Kara’s mouth go dry, but she had no choice. None of her friends had spoken to her since she’d arrived.
She got up from her seat and pushed her way into the hall and along the corridor. She moved stiffly towards her locker. People jostled her from behind, rushing to get to the canteen, failing to recognise her. Over the buzz of the hallway crowd, she could hear soft laughter behind her, a sound she knew well.
‘Hi, Kara.’
The smooth voice trickled across the hallway, almost caressing Kara with its appeal. She swallowed once, feeling totally unprepared for this meeting, and turned to face her best friend.
‘Hi, Ashleigh.’
Kara looked at her feet and noticed that one of her socks had fallen down, making her look lopsided, unhinged.
‘Good to have you back.’
Kara blinked once and looked up at Ashleigh’s smooth face, wondering if she was being paranoid about the whole thing. She was, according to the doctor, suffering from personality displacement. Maybe she’d imagined the whole thing. Maybe Ashleigh wasn’t a complete bitch after all.
Kara was unsure, glamoured by the girl in front of her. Ashleigh smiled, her perfect heart-shaped lips lifting at the corners. Jenny grinned at Kara, and Kara felt some of the knots loosen in her stomach. Maybe it would be OK.
The prospect of the next few months – going to class alone, walking to the canteen alone, studying in the library alone – stretched out ahead of her. Would it be this easy? Could she just slot back into her old life?
She searched their faces for censure, for something to hint at their disgust or disapproval. But she couldn’t find anything.
Stop being paranoid, she told herself.
‘You coming to lunch?’ Jenny inclined her head in the direction of the canteen. Kara nodded and moved along with the crowd of students.
As they rounded the corner of the corridor, her undoing approached from the other direction. Ben Shephard. They hadn’t spoken since the day of the accident. Kara wasn’t sure why.
Ben walked with an easy stride down the corridor, his brown hair slicked back with the tiniest hint of gel. With one hand he rolled up the sleeve of his jumper, pulling the cuff of the white shirt up to his elbow. Ben always had his sleeves rolled, even in the depths of winter.
Everyone liked Ben. He was that kind of guy.
And he had almost been Kara’s date for the Halloween dance.
She stared at the ground, studying her socks intently, cursing herself for not pulling them up when she’d noticed them earlier. She was struggling to breathe.
‘Hi, Kara.’
She heard his greeting from across the corridor. He raised his hand and waved at her, a smile lighting his eyes. Kara felt Ashleigh stiffen beside her. She wondered if they were officially a couple now.
‘Hi, Ben,’ she mumbled, unable to hold his gaze for very long as he moved to stand next to them.
I look a total mess, thought Kara, remembering her image from the mirror earlier. Why had she not done something with her hair? At least tried to make an effort?
‘I didn’t know you were coming back today.’ He glanced for a moment at Ashleigh. ‘Nobody told me.’
Kara saw the exchange between the two of them and felt her heart tighten. He was obviously with Ashleigh and wanted Kara to know. Probably best to get things out in the open, not to have any awkwardness over a missed invitation to the dance.
‘It’s good to see you.’ He smiled kindly at her, a single dimple forming on his left cheek.
Kara wondered if he felt sorry for her. Her stomach muscles clenched.
‘Um, ya. Thanks.’ Turning, she moved along the corridor into the throng of students pushing their way into the canteen. Having Ashleigh Jameson and Ben Shephard feeling sorry for her was the last thing she needed. Her cheeks burned and pinpricks of black danced in front of her eyes.
Keep it together, she told herself, just keep it together.
The canteen was jammed with students and the noise assaulted her as she entered the room. Kara could sense Ashleigh behind her and she wondered if the two of them were holding hands.
‘Don’t be stupid,’ she muttered under her breath.
She and Ben were friends. That was all. They had been lab partners at the beginning of the year; there had never been anything else between them. Nothing that she could ever have admitted to at least. The whole school knew that Ashleigh had her eye on Ben and that meant one thing. He was out of bounds.
If that was the case, then why did she feel as if a fist was gripping her by the throat, cutting off her air supply? She wished he’d never asked her out in the first place. Things were better when there were no complications, when they were just friends. Fat lot of good he was as a friend. He never even bothered to come visit her in hospital.