“Trust me, I know,” I responded. I was nowhere near the person that my father was, nor would I ever be. Apparently, a royal had no feelings or at least had the ability to turn emotions on and off. I had seen it in each king and even in Johanna.
Me, I wore my heart on my sleeve for everyone to see and that had gotten me in trouble in my first go ’round with the academy.
No longer. I was tucking that heart in tightly and trying to protect it for as long as I could.
“I’m giving you a piece of advice,” she said, clasping her hands in front of her. “If you are smart, Miss Komita, you will turn around and walk back out the door you came in. Go to the States or flaunt yourself in the kings’ residences for all I fucking care, but I do not want you here.”
“Too bad,” I stated, clenching my jaw. “I’m here to stay.”
“Then you won’t make the end of the year, I’m afraid,” she finally said, tsking. “I hope you have enjoyed our conversation. It’s always very enlightening.”
I didn’t respond, watching her walk away confidently. I knew she would try to kill me but when she had the perfect opportunity, she decided to just taunt me instead. So, I was going to be dead by the end of the year.
That was just great.
***
Since the dorms were quiet, I walked down to the library, still fuming over my run-in with Isauros. I longed to call up one of the kings or Johanna to let them know what she had done but decided that I didn’t want to bother them either. This was my business, my cross to bear, and even though I knew they wanted to help, it still didn’t mean that I had to inform them immediately every time I got a threat.
I pushed the door open to the library and stepped inside, inhaling the scent of leather and old books. The library had rapidly become one of my favorite places to hang out, a haven of sorts from the whispers of those that were in the academy. Being an American had not helped my cause, and there were still some that saw me as an oddity, even with my potential royal blood.
Not that I felt royal. I felt far from it. Would I ever feel like it? Somehow, I doubted I ever would. I was not particularly good at pretending, and no matter how many lessons Arthur made me go through, I was still the same person on the inside, and nothing could change that.
There were days I wished I had just been a blow-by of some coked-out woman who had dumped me off the first chance she got. At least life would have remained relatively normal and I would be working on completing my first year at UCLA and not here.
But when I thought about the kings and Johanna, I knew I couldn’t just walk away. I couldn’t forget how they had put everything on the line for me to find my mother, or how they had all flown to the States with me to find my long-lost relatives. They deserved closure, just like I did.
“Miss Komita. What a pleasant surprise.”
I turned to find the curator walking toward me. “I was wondering if you got a break too.”
He chuckled. “Nae, lass, I am always here, ready to serve.”
I shoved my hands in my pockets. “Can I ask you a question?”
“I can’t promise I can answer it.”
“Has there ever been a time in your life that you have questioned your very existence?”
The curator’s eyes widened. “That’s a deep question, lass.”
I sighed. “I know. I guess I am just wondering why I am on this earth today.”
He pondered my question for a moment. “Well, I have to admit that I have had that thought. I would think all people question their existence from time to time. That doesn’t mean they have done anything to alter that existence though.”
“I’m worried I’m fighting an uphill battle,” I admitted, more to myself than to him. “One that is going to constantly be out of reach.”
“Isn’t that life?” he answered softly. “If it was easy, lass, then we would all be happy, never once questioning anything about us. That’s not how life is supposed to be. With each battle, there should be a valuable lesson to learn from and move forward. If there isn’t, then you dinna try hard enough.”
His words made sense. With each push from Isauros I had learned more about not only my family, but also the type of person I had become. Her words had only fueled the fire today, a fire that I wanted to see glow brightly. “I’m trying as hard as I can.”
He patted me on the back lightly. “Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean that you are looking for the lesson, lass. Start looking for the lesson in each path you cross, in each decision you make. That is where you know you are succeeding.”
I gave him a tired smile. “Thanks.”
He inclined his head. “You’re welcome.”
I wandered out of the library moments later, the curator’s words bouncing around in my brain. Maybe he was right. Maybe I hadn’t looked for the lesson. Some lessons had been harder to swallow than others, but if I thought really hard, I could find them. For example, sleeping with Arthur so quickly. I had questioned everyone’s motives afterward, learning not to trust what they gave me at face value but to dig deeper.
Shaking my head, I turned in the direction of my dorm. That curator really should be some sort of psychologist. The man knew what he was talking about.
Chapter 2
Anna
Two days later, everyone showed up back at the academy, ready for the next semester of grueling classwork and for some, edging closer to the end of their college career. I threw on a hoodie and a pair of jeans and walked to Royce’s mansion, just as his text had asked me to.
Actually, he had wanted to come get me, but I told him I would walk as it was only about a ten-minute walk in the freezing cold. The walk allowed me to clear my head, at least, and I suddenly wished that Johanna were back so that she could join me. The kings and Johanna were the only people that could be labeled as friends. I had pulled them into my world by allowing them to accompany me to my mom’s grave and to see my long-lost relatives. I had opened myself up to them, allowing them to see me when I was most vulnerable, but I had to also remember that the kings were dangerous.
They had their own agendas when it came to me and were part of the reason I was here at Weissmore. I could not forget that they had, at one time, wanted my birthright and had competed against each other for it.
But it was so hard not to trust them. Each king, in his own twisted way, had showed me that he truly wanted to work with me.
Some more than others.
I drew in a cold, cleansing breath. And because of my father’s will, now I would have to choose one of the kings to marry if I wanted to lay claim to his money and the path to the throne.
My father’s throne.