Em didn’t know if she would have agreed to marry August for her mother. Maybe, if Cas had never been in the picture. Perhaps she would have married him and they would have conquered Lera together. What a disturbing thought.
“She would never understand, me betraying Olivia,” Em said.
“No,” Ivanna agreed.
Em kicked a rock with the toe of her shoe. “She told me something once. I think it was to make me feel better, about being useless. But I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.”
“What’s that?”
“She said that Olivia was going to be the most powerful Ruined queen ever. The most powerful Ruined, period. But I was the only one who had power over Olivia.”
Ivanna looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to go on.
“Because Olivia can’t hurt me. Or control me. She can control humans, and even other Ruined, if she really puts her mind to it. But not me.”
“True,” Ivanna said.
“And that means . . . that means I could kill her. It would be easy for me to kill her. She doesn’t use a sword and none of her strength is physical. I know that everyone knows that.” Her words came out in a rush. She’d thought over and over about all the ways she could stop Olivia, and she kept coming back to the obvious—she could kill her.
“We do,” Ivanna said gently. “But no one expects you to do that.”
“I would save a lot of people, right? If I killed her?” Tears slipped down her cheeks. “There’s no way we’ll stop her before she kills more people—maybe hundreds, or thousands—and I could have saved them all if I just—”
“Em.” Ivanna stopped, taking both Em’s hands in hers. “No one expects that of you. Aren could probably kill her too. Would you ever ask that of him?”
“Of course not.”
“Your mother used murder as a solution often. It’s what Olivia always chooses. You’ve used it yourself. But you can choose to do things differently from now on.”
Em wiped a hand across her eyes. “I still have to live with the fact that Olivia will kill people that I could have saved.”
Ivanna shook her head. “You can’t think of it like that. Olivia is responsible for her own actions. Do you blame Cas for everything his father did?”
“No,” Em said quietly.
“And he doesn’t blame you for what your mother did. There comes a time when we have to accept that people make their own choices, and we’re not responsible for those choices, even if they’re our family. You’ve expected Casimir to stand against his family’s choices, even if it meant losing them. It’s time to expect the same from yourself.”
Em took in a shaky breath. She hadn’t thought of it like that, but Ivanna wasn’t wrong. She had expected Cas to turn away from Jovita, and his mother, when she was still alive, in order to do the right thing. She hadn’t really even considered how hard that would be for him. It had seemed so obvious to her—his family had committed genocide, and Cas had to make it right. But now that she was faced with a similar problem in Olivia, she realized just how terrible it must have been for him.
“And don’t forget that Olivia isn’t the only powerful Ruined,” Ivanna added. “Killing one Ruined won’t solve our problems, not long-term.”
“You’re right,” Em said quietly.
“I often am,” Ivanna said lightly.
Em linked her arm through Ivanna’s as they started walking again.
“Thank you,” Em said. “I don’t have a lot of people to talk to these days.”
“I noticed. I’ll be taking this walk every morning, if you’d like to join me.”
“That would be nice.”
They walked in a loop, until the sun rose higher in the sky, and they turned in the direction of Mariana’s house. She’d taken up residence two blocks over, on a quiet street with matching houses.
Mariana answered the door with a smile, though her eyes nervously scanned the street behind Em and Ivanna.
“No one followed us,” Em said. She looked Mariana up and down. She was wearing a soft pink dress that reached the floor, her arms bare. Her black hair was braided into a crown around her head, with the ends tucked into a bun at the nape of her neck. Her dark brown skin was radiant, and Em wondered if she’d done something different, or if she just hadn’t seen Mariana well rested in a long time.
“You look lovely,” Em said.
“Thank you.” Mariana swung her hips so the dress swayed. “I found the dress in a box. I don’t think whoever lived here wore it anymore, so I helped myself.”
“It’s beautiful,” Em said as they stepped inside. Mariana was only a year older than her. If none of this had happened, she’d probably be wearing pretty dresses to the Ruina castle and dancing with Aren or some other handsome Ruined boy.
Aren sat at the dining table to her left, along with Davi and a few other Ruined. Ivanna and Davi were in their fifties, two of the only remaining older Ruined and part of the Ruined council. The entire Ruined council was present, actually, with the exception of Jacobo. He never left Olivia’s side these days.
About thirty other Ruined were packed into the dining room, leaning against the wall and sitting on the floor. They’d only invited Ruined Em truly trusted, those who were horrified by what Olivia was doing and were willing to work with Cas.
Em slid into the seat next to Aren. His handsome face was tight with worry, which had been his constant expression since Iria had been taken back to Olso.
“Did Olivia leave again this morning?” Mariana asked as she took a seat across from Em, in between Ivanna and Davi.
“She’s still sleeping. She said she was going to train some of the Ruined today,” Em said.
“They’ve been in that field behind the bakery,” Ivanna said. “They bring out a few of the hostages for practice.” Em rubbed her forehead. Olivia had taken several humans hostage, and locked them in the town jail. Since discovering that Aren drew power from humans, she’d been trying to do the same.
“I did get word that she’s feeding them, at least,” Patricio said quietly. He was a young Ruined, with the power to ruin the body, like Aren. Em had never known him well, but he was close to Mariana, and she’d vouched for him. Beside him was Selena, who Em remembered as a little girl, but she must have been about fourteen now. Her face was solemn, making her look even older.
“She needs them alive,” Aren muttered.
“I’d suggest sneaking in to free them, but she’ll just go get more,” Em said. “I think we have to leave it for now.”
“If we’re not going to do anything to help them, then I don’t understand why we’re still in Lera,” Davi said.
“Olivia will kill everyone if we leave,” Em said. “You’ve heard her plan to conquer the north? At least if we stay, we can hold her off for a while.”
“I’m sorry, but how is that our problem?” a young woman named Gisela asked. She leaned against the wall behind Davi and Mariana. She was close to Em in age, with pale skin and straight black hair, and was often in motion, whether it was pacing, tapping her fingers, or tugging on her hair. She had the same power as Olivia and Aren, but Em knew she didn’t have even half the strength that they did.