But throwing up on Finn? Yeah. That might possibly go down as one of my most embarrassing moments. Ever.
I haven’t seen him in two days. Mia invited me to another party on the beach last night, but I couldn’t bring myself to go, knowing he’d most likely be there. What do you say to somebody after you puke on them? Besides, I promised my mom we’d have dinner together and it was nice to finally sit down with her, Bob, and my brother for the first time since last summer.
I change into my suit, take my morning cup of coffee out to the pool, and stare at the ocean. The water, my home away from home. The monotony of it is completely mesmerizing, not to mention therapeutic, the waves coming in, then pulling back out, again and again. I think being here in Hawaii is screwing with my head, because even though my heart reminds me it’s only been days, my brain wants me to believe it could’ve been months ago when everything fell apart. It’s amazing what a few thousand miles and a change of scenery can do.
“Hey, you have a visitor,” Penn says, breaking into my thoughts. I turn to see him standing in the door to the living room, Luce tucked in behind him.
“Oh, crap! Is it eleven already?” I have no idea where the hour went. “I’m so sorry! Come on out.” I grab my cap and goggles and the extra pair I snagged for Luce, just in case, and motion toward the pool. “So, how comfortable are you in the water?”
She twirls a strand of hair around her finger and stares past the pool at the ocean, like at any moment a wave might jump up and sweep her away.
“I…I used to be okay.”
“Used to be?”
Luce looks down at her feet and slowly shakes her head. “I’m just not very strong,” she whispers.
It’s obvious something has her freaked-out, but it doesn’t sound like I’m going to get much more out of her than that. I decide to leave it for now and hope I can work around whatever this fear is.
“Well then, we’ll start at the beginning. I promise I’ll have you spinning laps in no time.” I rest my hand on her shoulder until she looks up at me. “We’ll be working in the pool for a while, so no worries, okay?”
She stares at me with those blue eyes of hers and nods.
“So before we start, I want to lay a few ground rules.” I hate to sound like a control freak, but when it comes to the water, I kinda am. “First, it’s really important you never swim alone. As you’re learning, you should always swim with someone else, preferably someone that’s a stronger swimmer than you. You also need to understand there’s a huge difference between swimming in a pool and swimming out in the ocean.”
I tick off a number of reasons, from currents and riptides to ocean predators that swim faster than we do, especially here in the Islands. When she nods her head feverishly in agreement, I know she’s hanging on to every one of my words.
“Have you ever worn a cap and goggles?” I ask, handing her the extra set.
“Nope.”
“Okay, that’s where we’ll start.”
We ease into the shallow end of the pool, and I show her how to get her cap on correctly. Now that my hair is shorter, it’s much easier to tuck it all up under the stretchy silicone material, but it takes a bit of work with Luce’s thick mane. We both laugh when her cap goes flinging across the pool and I have to swim to retrieve it. I decide to hold off on the goggles for now, because I get a sense she’s not going to be too keen on putting her head underwater just yet.
“So first we’re going to start with floating.” I walk over to the edge of the pool near the steps and grab on to the side, then let my feet slowly rise out behind me. She watches my every move as I bob in the water for a few seconds, kicking my feet ever so slightly. “Okay, now your turn, but I’ll help you, okay?”
She looks relieved when I hold a hand out to her and guide her over to where I’m standing. Slowly, she reaches for the edge of the pool, and I hold on to her waist.
“Hang tight to the edge, but let your legs go….Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” She’s hesitant at first, but she lets her feet eventually float out from under her, and I place one arm under her stomach and one under her thighs. She grips the edge of the pool with brute strength, her knuckles actually turning white, but when she realizes I’ve got her and I’m not letting go, she lessens her hold a bit.
“So last spring when I was lifeguarding, there was this boy, probably around eleven or twelve years old. I’d seen him a couple of times at the pool, but couldn’t recall if he was a strong swimmer or not. Anyway, this kid walks out to the pool deck like he owns it, and all his friends are laughing and cheering him on. He looks over at me, then goes right to the deep end and jumps in. And after several seconds of flailing arms and water splashing everywhere, I realize he has no idea how to swim.”
Luce stares at me as she kicks softly in the water, her grip on the edge of the pool not quite as viselike. “So what did you do?”
“Well, he was taking in mouthfuls of water like he was determined to drink the entire pool.” I can feel the heat in my cheeks, and I know my face is getting red. “So I blew my whistle to alert the other guards and dove in after him.”
“And then what?” she asks.
“He was unresponsive when I got to him, but I managed to haul him out of the pool. With all his friends and everyone else crowded around me, I started CPR. But when I leaned in to give him mouth-to-mouth, the little punk stuck his tongue in my mouth, and I screamed.” I smile at Luce, who is now floating on her own and doesn’t even realize I’ve let go. “Turns out the entire thing was a dare from his friends, to see if he could kiss me.”
“Oh my God, what a jerk! That’s not even funny!” She squeals, but her smile tells me differently, and I know she’s finally, truly, relaxed.
Her confidence grows a little bit more with each story I tell. Eventually she’s even okay with me floating right next to her. And while there are a few moments where she panics and drops her feet back down, I can tell she’s really trying to make this work.
From there, I show her how to float on her back as I hold her in place. “All you’re doing is letting your body get comfortable in the water. At any time, if you start to get scared, remember you can always stand up.”
I slowly walk around the shallow end as she floats out in front of me, and that’s when I see Finn. I’m not sure how long he’s been standing there, but something tells me he didn’t just get here. Propped up against the frame of the large open doors to our living room, his ankles crossed and his arms folded over his chest, he watches Luce float. There’s a pained expression that wrinkles up the space above his nose, but when his eyes connect with mine, any trace of emotion vanishes.
“Okay, Luce, I think that’s our lesson for today, but tomorrow we’re going to learn how to submerge your face underwater.” She brings her legs down, until she’s standing on her own. We discuss times that will work for us to meet on a consistent basis as we make our way over to the steps of the pool. When she spots Finn, her face falls ever so slightly.
“I asked where you were going today and you lied.” He doesn’t speak loudly, and I can tell he’s trying not to embarrass her. He holds out a towel for her to take. “I’m not sure why you felt like you needed to, but don’t ever do that again, okay?”