Here’s what did happen: we arrived ten minutes early and hung around in the foyer not really talking to each other. Mum and Dad held hands. Ollie made a big announcement about sitting next to me and ended up, well, sitting next to me. We went straight home afterwards and everyone went into their own rooms.
We saw the new Marvel one, because Mum said Ollie could pick and of course that’s what he picked because he is obsessed with the Hulk still. I can’t remember what we even saw the last time we all went to the movies together, can you? Maybe it was around the time things were sad for you and hard for me and Mum and Dad were not getting along and Oliver was wetting the bed. I don’t think we’ve been since. We saw The Last Jedi which was very cool. Much cooler than the Marvel one we saw tonight, and not just because you were there, so don’t get a big head about that, okay.
I was wondering today if things ever really got better for you after that, or if you just got better at hiding them. It seemed like they did, and maybe time is giving me too much perspective. I know I’m not supposed to think that has anything to do with…you know, but it’s hard when we just don’t know. Mum and Dad probably know more than I do, and I definitely know a lot more than Ollie, but it’s not a competition so I guess it doesn’t really matter. My brain just likes things to be a certain way, so that I can trace over the lines when I need to and know how things are. I don’t know where the lines go for this, so I’m trying out all the different ways they could go so I can convince myself one is right. It was just a bit sad tonight, Rudy, even though we all got to share a large popcorn. I hope you make it to our next movie night. Your pick, I promise.
Love, Erin
20 August
Dear Rudy,
Okay, so don’t laugh, but I got a job at Robins. Not because of what Dr Lim said, or Mum either, although Mum thinks she can take full credit for suggesting it in the first place. I wasn’t contemplating applying for a job there, I was just walking past, but there was this girl, Rudy. I saw her and I had to go in. That sounds like one of those movie ‘love at first sight’ moments when I write it like that, and I guess it was a bit, but for friends. Her name is Aggie, which is short for Agnes. I know, it’s an old-lady name for an old-lady shop, but she isn’t old and it suits her just right. I don’t have a nickname for her yet; she’s too many things. The best thing she is, though, is my friend. Mine. Not yours. I’ll never get over how annoying it was when I’d bring home someone new to play with and by the end of the day, they were hanging out with you. Even Dee has always thought you were the cooler one. It’s hard not to think you did that on purpose. I know it probably had more to do with you being good at asking about people’s weekends, but still. I don’t think your friends even knew my name until last year.
Anyway, I meant to apply for jobs at the newsagent’s and at Coles, so I had two resumes with me. Then the lady at the newsagent’s said they weren’t looking for anyone and the guy at Coles said to apply online like he did, so I didn’t get to hand in either of them. I walked around the shopping centre looking for signs in windows, but I don’t think anyone does that anymore because I did not see a single one. Well, until I walked past Robins: ‘Casual position available, apply within’. It was a beautiful sign, made with coloured pens and lots of pizzazz. I love that word. At first it feels like you’re writing ‘pizza’ but then it becomes a whole other thing. Anyway, I stopped outside Robins because of the sign, and then I went in because of Aggie.
I heard her before I saw her. She jingled when she walked because she had bells on her ankles. She was wearing every colour of the rainbow, but it just worked, especially with her black, curly, long hair. Her voice was one of those voices you want to narrate your life.
‘Hey there, are you here about the job?’ she said.
I said no, even though I had two resumes in my hand. She laughed and took the one that said ‘newsagent’s’ at the top.
I got a bit confused when she asked my favourite song. ‘Is that an interview question?’ I said.
‘No it’s a me question.’
It caught me off guard, I suppose. I gave the first answer that came to mind—I kind of stole it from you. ‘I’m listening to a lot of old stuff at the moment. Nick Cave,’ I said.
‘Ooh, that’s some sad stuff. “Into My Arms”? Gives me goosebumps.’ She rubbed her arms when she said it, like she was getting goosebumps thinking about it.
I feel completely ridiculous about what I said next, even though she didn’t act like Dee did when I said the thing about the milk. I told her I’m happiest when I’m listening to sad music. It was only as I was saying it, I realised it is true. Aggie smiled, but not a smile like she was laughing at me or what I said. It was a smile like she understood what I meant. You’d like her, Rudy, you really would.
I asked her what music she likes, because I know it’s good manners in a conversation and also because I wanted to know.
She talked fast, and she made this whole plan for us: ‘I’ll send you some playlists if you like. I like to think I’ve got a pretty good knack for getting the mix just right. I’ve got some sad ones that are guaranteed to have you bawling. Nothing like a good cry, is there. But otherwise it depends on the day or the weather really. I’ve been getting into Talking Heads on my drives to uni. Dad loves them. I put on some Thelma Plum if I want to be inspired. The music in the shop is horrible, by the way. Total rubbish. It’s like Top 40 if you took out all the enjoyable stuff and just left the earworms. If we do the Sunday shift together, Caroline, the manager, is off so we can put on our own stuff.’
Working with Aggie, playing our music and talking about whatever—it sounded nice. And I got the job, just like that, and I had a soy latte at Coffee Bean with Aggie afterwards to celebrate. Normally I’m not good at talking to new people, but she made it feel easy, mainly because she did most of the talking, but she also asked a lot of questions and listened to me too.
Aggie talked about her family; she’s got a big one, and said they mostly live on an island called Minjerribah. I said I’d never heard of it, but she said I have, it’s just that people call it Stradbroke Island now. Minjerribah is the traditional name. I never knew that. It’s her traditional land. I feel a bit silly about it, like it’s something I should have known. If something already has a name, and especially if it’s already a place that people live, I think we should keep calling it that name, don’t you? Aggie feels very strongly about it, she knows so much about politics and culture and how things really are. I’m going to do my best to listen to all of it. She didn’t want to talk about Schoolies as much as everyone else in my life does. When I said I was looking forward to it, because that’s a thing I say to everyone, she said, ‘Oh, really? I left Schoolies halfway through, it wasn’t really my thing. It felt like Spring Break cosplay or something. But I’m sure you’ll have a great time if you’ve got a good group of friends.’
Weird, hey? I haven’t been thinking of Schoolies as something that is or isn’t someone’s thing. It’s everyone’s thing. It’s THE thing. And I don’t really know if I have a good group of friends, or what that even means. Anyway, maybe I’ll bring her to your thing and you can meet her then. I told her about it, and you, by the way. She said now the Nick Cave thing makes sense. Now I just have to figure out how to tell Dee about Robins and still be friends. Between the milk thing and now my old-lady job, she’ll probably look at me like I have shit on my face for the rest of the year.