“That’s the next stop,” Veronica said. “We were just hoping to drown our sorrows in a splash more caffeine before we hit the road.”
“Absolutely.” He moved to grab the coffeepot from the burner behind the counter to refill our mugs.
“You were saying something about unacceptable,” Veronica prompted, once she’d had another healthy sip of caffeinated fortification.
“I was saying we need to do something other than sit around and wallow about how helpless we are to do anything for Archie and Jughead—or any of our friends at school who are going through something right now—”
“—which is, as per usual, a lot of them.”
“Right. I think a little brainstorming about what we could do to help them might be … empowering. And maybe a little self-care for us while we’re at it?”
“Mmm, good call. Maybe Sunday night, after your beau has gone back to his new cloistered, Secret History–esque den of privilege.”
I groaned. “Please don’t remind me.” Weekends with Jug were just not enough.
“I apologize. But you’re right—a girls night with some tactical planning is just what the doctor ordered. How do you feel about organic sheet masks and a screening of Legally Blonde on our new home-movie system? With a side of Magnolia cupcakes driven direct from the West Village by Smithers.”
“Hmm.” I thought about it. “I do love a good sheet mask.”
Both of our phones buzzed at once, clattering loudly on the surface of the table. Veronica grabbed hers before I could reach mine, and she peered at her screen. She swiped her finger across the screen to unlock the phone. “Hold that thought. Girls night planning may have to wait. It’s Cheryl,” she said. “It’s an APB. A text blast to all the Vixens. We’re supposed to check our email.”
I made a face. “She texted us to tell us she emailed us?”
“It’s Cheryl,” Veronica repeated pointedly. “Honestly, we should probably be relieved she didn’t send carrier pigeons, just for the sake of the dramatic impact.”
“True.” I scanned my own email. “She’s saying … we need to be in the gym before first period.”
Veronica glanced at the gleaming Swiss timepiece on her wrist. “So, basically now.”
“And here we were just saying we needed something to do.” Unfortunately, I had the sinking feeling this was the wrong kind of something.
“Next time, we’ll remember the old adage,” Veronica said.
“Which one?”
She grinned at me knowingly, grabbing her snakeskin Birkin and sliding it into the crook of her elbow. “ ‘Let sleeping Vixens lie.’ ”
“Where Cheryl Blossom is involved?” I laughed. “Not very likely.”
Alice Cooper:
Betty, have you seen my gold hoop earrings? The ones with the quartz?
Betty:
No, why?
Alice Cooper:
I can’t find them anywhere. I have a feeling we’re going to be doing a LOT of storm coverage, which means a LOT of airtime for yours truly. And those quartz stones pick up the light in the studio perfectly.
Betty:
Sorry to spoil your … natural disaster?
Alice Cooper:
Very funny, Elizabeth.
Betty:
Haven’t seen them in a while, though. Hope you find them! Gotta run to a Vixens meeting. I’ll keep an eye out! xo
FROM: Cheryl Blossom
TO: [list—all Vixens FULL]
SUBJECT: Mandatory assemblage
Greetings, cherished underlings—
It is my duty, if not necessarily my pleasure, to inform you that we Vixens will be congregating in the school gymnasium just before first period for a late-breaking announcement. If the threat of my own attendance doesn’t inspire promptness, know that our new Principal Honey will be the one making said announcement. Surely that should help to hasten your stride.
Regardless, take note, my chums: This email is not a request but a requirement.
I’ll see you all shortly.
—Cheryl
Toni:
Cher—what’s the big secret announcement?
Cheryl:
Silly TeeTee—do you really think I’d give you special privileges simply because you’re my paramour?
Toni:
Well, actually …
Cheryl:
Because if so, of course you’re absolutely correct. Meet me at my locker and I’ll fill you in while we walk over.
Toni:
Be there in a sec.
FROM: Principal Honey
TO: Cheryl Blossom
SUBJECT: Newest faculty
Good morning, Cheryl—
Coach Grappler is excited to meet our Riverdale Vixens. I trust you’ve contacted them and that we can expect to see everyone in the gymnasium at a quarter to first period? I’m assuming a prompt arrival. We want to give Coach Grappler our warmest Bulldog welcome!
FROM: Cheryl Blossom
TO: Principal Honey
SUBJECT: RE: Newest faculty
I’m insulted you even had to ask, Principal Honey. My River Vixens have been briefed and summoned, and they eagerly await this newest addition to our Bulldog community. And speaking only for myself, I, for one, will be there with crimson bells chiming!
Fret not, Principal Honey. I won’t let anything ruin this announcement. It will be nothing less than a sheer delight!
CHERYL
“Oh, TeeTee … j’adore the scent of Elnett in the morning. It’s so … invigorating.” I took a deep breath and inhaled the sharp antiseptic bite of the technically unscented hair spray that was, apparently, the River Vixens’ styling product of overwhelming choice. Funny how an unscent was somehow still perfectly detectable at no less than fifty feet.
“It does really … linger in the air.” Toni sniffed with caution, clearly less enthralled by the buzz of energy permeating the gymnasium than I was.
Then again, that’s why she was the eternal yin to my yang, the pretty to my poison (or was it the other way around?), the veritable cola to my cherry syrup. Without fail, Antoinette Topaz could be counted on to regard oncoming change with a clear and level head … whereas, if I’m being fully honest? Yours truly had a tiny tendency to leap straight into any and all fray without a second glance. Together, we were the perfect balance.
And I’d need Toni’s balance today as Principal Honey prepared to drop a demibombshell of his own on my merry band. I’d assured him that the Vixens would be thrilled to greet the arrival of a new cheer coach. And, they would be … if they knew what was good for them.
Fortunately, the girls had taken my email missives with the appropriate gravity I’d intended; not a single one was even a moment late for our last-minute concursion. Now my whole team, blinking and beaming in equal parts enthusiasm and hesitancy, sat perched on the bleachers while they awaited the news.