“And then credit that body count to your bank account.”
Shawn responded with a smile before flipping me off.
“Seriously, dude. Can you be any dumber? Can you, really?”
He stared up at me defiantly. “You know I can!”
Oh yes, I knew he could. Having spent five years with him in the tour bus, I knew a thing or two about this dude’s IQ, and let’s just say he wasn’t smarter than a fifth grader.
Dane had recovered enough from the stomach punch and foot shove to get up off the concrete and make his way over to us.
“You really need anger management classes, dude,” he grumbled, rubbing his gut. “We were just having fun.”
“Surely there’s another way to have fun that doesn’t require committing a felony kidnapping?”
“If there was…” Shawn shrugged. “We didn’t think of it.”
“I told them not to,” Hunter said, stepping out from behind the dumpster. What the hell? Was this an AnyDayNow reunion? All we needed was Bodhi to round out the fivesome.
“So did I,” Bodhi said, following Hunter out.
And now we were complete.
“What are you guys doing here?” I asked. “How did you find me?”
“Chad Woodcock?” Bodhi raised his brows. “Please—give us a little credit. We’re not complete idiots.”
“Well, it did take you five months, so…”
“You’re an asshole.” Dane shook his head. “Why were you hiding from us in the first place? Did our blood handshake mean nothing to you?”
“It was ketchup… so no.”
“It was the symbolism behind it, RJ!”
“Look, I’m sorry. I wanted to be alone.”
“You can be alone but still answer the phone,” Bodhi said. “If you’d just picked up, Dumb and Dumber here wouldn’t have concocted a plan to abduct you.”
“I was hiding out. By definition, that means I hide.”
“For five months?”
“For as long as I feel like.”
“Yeah, well, you might want to come up with a better hiding spot because if our stupid asses can find you, so can anyone else with half a brain.”
“Maybe I will.”
“Or maybe you pull up those big boy pants of yours and face the music.”
“Or…,” Shawn weaseled out from under me and dusted off his expensive clothes. “Maybe you can be a groomsman at my wedding.”
I whipped my head around. “Your wedding? I thought you were already married.”
“Not to that one. This is a new one.”
“Wait. Shoshanna?”
“No, ShoshannaAngel is baby one’s mamma. Not marrying her.”
“Yvette?”
“She’s the baby two’s mamma. Not marrying her either.”
“Reese?”
“Married her, but it was annulled, remember?”
“Then who?”
“Laura.”
I shook my head. “I’m going to need more than that.”
Shawn sighed. “You might remember me referring to her as Quiet Sex Girl.”
“Quiet Sex Girl?” My eyes rounded. “Dude, I thought you said she creeped you out—that you were worried she might mutilate bashful Shawn in the act.”
“With two whole inches of dick?” Bodhi smirked. “I hardly think that’s possible.”
“Exactly,” Dane agreed, chuckling. “No one is that skilled with a cleaver.”
Shawn shook his head. “Oh, right, I forgot this was dick-shaming day.”
“Actually, there’s no need for a national holiday,” I said, patting his shoulder. “Every day with that little Mini Cooper in your pants is cause for embarrassment.”
“And to think, I came all the way out here to kidnap you—and this is how you treat me?”
“I never asked to be abducted, and I never asked you to get married to Quiet Sex Girl. That was all on you.”
“Watch it. Laura is the love of my life.”
Bodhi and I exchanged knowing grins. There had been so, so many loves of his life.
“Uh-huh,” I said. “And how far along is she?”
Shawn grumbled under his breath. “Four months.”
“Dude,” Hunter gaped. “Another baby?”
“What? I might need a kidney in thirty years. This just increases my odds of a match.”
I smiled, almost forgetting how much I’d missed these guys. “Okay, so let me get this straight. It took all four of you to come down here and ask me to be the best man at Shawn’s wedding?”
“Whoa, hold up, dude. Who says you get to be best man?” Dane scoffed. “Do you really think you can hide from us for five months and then suddenly reappear only to slide into a starring role? I don’t think so.”
“Shawn.” I turned to him. “Who’s your best man this time? Because I seem to recall last time you picked Bodhi. And the time before that was Dane.”
“Right, but I never got to serve because the paternity test came back just in the nick of time,” Dane reminded.
“But you were asked,” I snapped back. “So, by the process of elimination, I’m next in line.”
“Um, hello, assholes. I’m right here.” Hunter reacted with indignation. “Am I not even in the running?”
“You don’t need to be the best man,” Shawn said, gripping Hunter’s shoulder. “You have a much more important role to play in my life. You know you’re the only one I trust to delete my browser history if something bad happens to me.”
“I…” Hunter shook his head. “I’m honored.”
“Anyway, RJ,” Bodhi said. “Shawn’s wedding isn’t the only reason we’ve been trying to get in touch with you.”
“Then what?”
“We’re getting back together,” Dane jabbered.
My eyes rounded to epic proportions. What was he talking about? AnyDayNow had run its course. They all had to realize that by now.
“Dane, you can’t just blurt out shit like that,” Hunter admonished. “Gotta ease the skittish ones in.”
I looked back and forth between my former bandmates. “You guys are delusional, that’s what you are. Do none of you remember the misery of the last year in AnyDayNow? How could you want to go back to that?”
“I told you he wouldn’t go for it,” Bodhi said to Dane.
“He has to,” Dane said, shrugging. “It’s all or none.”
“What’s going on?” I demanded.
“We’re getting the band back together for a documentary series,” Hunter explained. “About our time together. They already have all the footage from that time when the crew followed us around during the ‘Listen Up’ tour. All they really need from us are interviews, both together and separate.”
“And why would we do that?” I asked.
“They are offering us bucketsful of cash, that’s why,” Shawn replied.
“I already have bucketsful of cash.”
Hunter’s face soured. “I don’t. Dane doesn’t. Shawn doesn’t.”