Opening the door, I hesitated. I loathed this moment. My apartment remained dark and empty. I didn’t need to turn on the lights to know my coffee cup remained next to the pot. There’d still be a bowl in the sink from my cereal. And the silence… the signs mounted. After today, it was impossible to deny: I was lonely.
The steam poured out of the shower as I pushed back the curtain. I’d hoped the water pelting against my skin might bring a bit of clarity and help me unravel the conundrum I faced, but no such luck. Pulling the towel off the shower rod, I gave myself a pat down.
I hung it on the back of the door and wiped the fog from the mirror above the sink. Do people see their reflection and see the person they used to be? I always wondered because, after every shower, I swore the man staring back looked a little more exhausted. Feigning a smile, it looked awkward on my face, as if I had fallen out of practice. Did I smile anymore? The fact I had to ask couldn’t be a good sign.
“You’re handsome, Bernard.”
But it wasn’t my appearance that changed. Flexing my biceps, a sexy man stood in the mirror. Sure, I had a bit more of a gut than I did twenty years ago, but being forty, I remained a damned good-looking man. The beard, trimmed to highlight the angle of my jaw, lost its luster, and bits of white crept in. It was nothing compared to the white patch of chest hair that steadily darkened as it pointed to my package. No, Bernard Castle remained a handsome man.
The fire behind the eyes, that’s what changed. I traded life for a sense of duty. My sacrifices ensured the people of Vanguard, heck, the world, slept soundly in their beds. Somewhere along the way, the cost grew, and I continued paying.
I pulled on a pair of flannel PJs and grabbed my phone. Sitting on the couch, I dimmed the lights as if I didn’t want to be caught doing something inappropriate. I flipped through the screens until I reached the apps.
“Heaven help me.” The list of dating apps went on for twenty pages. There were apps for singles looking for dates, more than one that promised a night of wild sex, and did circus performers really need their own? I did not know there were so many folks looking to be dominated. And another for pup owners? Did dog walkers struggle to date?
“Deep breath, Bernard. It’s not like you’re facing off against Cerberus again.”
WoofR. For bears, husky men, and their admirers. Okay, at least those words, I understood. And based on the spare tire I sported, I’m pretty sure I qualified. Okay, downloaded. A short five-minute questionnaire seemed easy enough.
“Why was I so scared of online dating? This is easy.”
I scrolled through the fifty pages worth of terms and services and, like every other person in the universe, clicked accept. Photo? Scrolling through my albums, I realized that there were plenty of other people, but almost none of me. I looked handsome at the moment. Could take one now, I guess.
Twenty minutes later, I had a photo I didn’t hate. Who knew having your identity shrunk into a thumbnail made you look too skinny and not skinny enough. Shirtless came off too desperate. Of course, I had to try on half a dozen t-shirts before I found one that made my eyes stand out but didn’t make my arms bulge like I lived at the gym.
“Never getting those twenty minutes back. Okay, what next?”
Gay. Hairy. Few extra pounds. How vain were the bears? Ten questions so far, and all of them had to do with my appearance. Why on Earth did they need to know my shoe size? Were guys into that? I stared at my feet. Suddenly, they were both too big and not big enough. I hadn’t even received a message, and already I hated myself.
“Top or bottom? Are we really reducing ourselves to labels?” I was about to click versatile, then changed it back to top. No point in lying, right? “Single. Wait, dom or sub? Cub, otter, werewolf? They’re just making it up at this point.”
The questions continued. How hard was it to find somebody to have coffee with? Feet licker or feet licked? Spanker or spanked… Okay, at least for that one, I had a preference.
The welcome screen appeared, thanking me for filling out the brief survey. “Brief? I just went through the olympics of questionnaires. They should buy me dinner.”
I scrolled through the photos, surprised by how many men lived within a mile of my apartment. This is why Alejandro recommended it. It’d have taken sitting at the bar every night for a month before I came across this many beefy men. I hadn’t reached the end of the list when the phone dinged. Somebody woof’d at me? I never understood why bears woofed.
I clicked the message and woof’d back. “What the heck does that mean? Is this one of those dog walker things? Does he think I’m a pup now?”
Another message came in.
Looking4U: Hey
DaddyBear: Hey, how’s it going?
Looking4U: Bored. Horny.
Well, that went from casual to intimate a bit quickly. How do I reply to that? Do I just ignore it and ask about their favorite novel? Before I could respond, a slew of photos popped up in the message. Naked from every angle imaginable. His cock might be impressive, but… This is not exactly what I was looking for.
DaddyBear: Handsome.
Looking4U: Need your load in my hole
I stared at the words, blinking in disbelief. Wait, what? Did men use these lines on each other? Did it work?
Looking4U: Big cock?
I flicked the phone, shutting off the app. What happened to having a coffee and shamelessly flirting, hoping to get a number? It might be nerve-wracking, but there was something wonderful about getting groped by a hopeful suitor. This… This was like the Uber Eats of cock.
“Nope. Nope. Nope. Alejandro, I’m going to slap the grin off your face next time I see you.”
After that, how bad could the HeroApp™ be? Every citizen in Vanguard had it on their phone, but I had never considered signing up for it as a hero. When a team of analysts dolled out mission assignments, an app on my phone didn’t seem useful. But now that I was an expert in online dating, why not give it a shot?
Every phone came with it pre-installed, a sign of how many heroes and villains were running around the streets. Unlike WoofR, the HeroApp™ only took a minute before I had the screen asking for my powers. I half expected them to ask how hard I liked to spank a guy.
“Lightning. Strength. Flying. Speed.” Easy enough. With a few more questions, I signed up. Did they vet the heroes? Would I have to show off my skills for a team to prove that I—
“Approved? Well, that seems suspicious.”
I could see the alerts popping up all over the city. Bank robberies, kidnappings, and… jaywalkers? I guess crime was crime, no matter the severity. My heart swelled as I spotted dozens of heroes zipping through the city, answering the call. Photos from bystanders showed them in action, doing their best to keep Vanguard safe.
“Impressive.” As I searched for bigger-caliber villains, I considered my ego. Had I gotten used to saving the planet? Did I think myself above these petty crimes? I needed to do some soul-searching and check myself before I went into the streets. As the leader of the Centurions, I might have once led the most powerful team in the world, but by myself, I was just another blip on the HeroApp™. Socks had made sure I knew my place.
“Depressing.” Admitting my new role made my stomach uneasy. I needed to be done with this day. After a good night’s sleep, I’d start regrouping and carve out a place for this new version of myself.