“Can we stay here a long time?” Ford asked, his brown eyes larger and a softer brown than Bradley’s—more like Celeste’s.
“Yes. We’re staying all through Christmas. Almost three weeks. That’s a really long time.”
Ford frowned as he thought through that timeline. “I wanted longer than that.”
“Longer? How much longer did you want?”
“I don’t know. A long time. I like it here.”
“I’m glad you like it, and we can definitely visit Aunt Katherine more often. But I have to work, and you have to go to school back home once Christmas break is over.” Ford was in kindergarten this year and Jana in first grade.
Ford gave a little scowl. “Can’t we go to school here?”
“Why is it so much better here?”
“At home you work all the time. Here you can play with me.”
A pang of sharp feeling—affection and guilt and grief and anxiety—sliced through Bradley’s chest. “That’s the fun of vacation. But we can’t have a vacation every day. I’ve got work, and you’ve got school. That’s just life.”
“I know.” He was still frowning, but his expression had turned more into a half-teasing pout. “I still rather play.”
Bradley chuckled and pulled the boy into another bent-over hug. “I’ll try to make special time to play with you at home. I’m sure I can fit in more of that if I try.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Really. Now it’s time to go to sleep.”
“Okay.” Ford squeezed his eyes shut, but Bradley caught him peeking through his lashes as he climbed down.
Still chuckling, Bradley’s mind was also whirling, trying to determine when he could fit in more playtime with Ford. He did the best he could with his schedule. He devoted almost his entire weekends to his kids, and he made sure they always had breakfast together and dinner several times a week. But his job at the executive level of a tech company was demanding, and so his kids did spend a lot of time with their nanny.
Bradley was the only parent they had. He’d accepted that he couldn’t do and be everything for them, but it was hard not to feel guilty just the same.
Brushing that line of thinking from his mind, he knelt down next to Jana’s lower bunk. The girl looked even more like her mother than Ford did with straight brown hair and big brown eyes. “Did you have a good day today too?” he asked her.
She gave a sober nod. “Mostly.”
“Why just mostly? What wasn’t good?”
“I had fun with you and Aunt Katherine.” She opened her mouth again, like she was going to finish her thought, but then she shut it again.
Bradley reached out to brush a wave of hair back from her face. “What is it, sweetheart? You can tell me.”
The girl swallowed hard. Opened her mouth and closed it again. After a few more seconds of hesitation, she finally asked, “Are you going to marry Gayle?”
Bradley stiffened, his eyes widening. “Why do you ask that?”
“Are you?”
He took a minute to compose his thoughts since his heart was hammering like crazy. “I don’t know. We’ve only been dating a little while. It’s too early to know.”
“Okay.”
Searching the girl’s face, he tried to figure out what was troubling her, where this questioning had even come from. Jana was quieter and more thoughtful than her brother, but she was usually in a good mood. “What’s the matter, Jana? Are you worried about me marrying her? No one will ever replace your mommy. You know that, right?”
“Yes, I know that.”
His wife, Celeste, had died two years ago. Ford barely remembered her at all, but Jana remembered enough to still miss her.
“So tell me what’s worrying you. Gayle is always really nice to you. She tries to spend time with you and get to know you.”
That was one of the reasons Bradley had gravitated toward Gayle. Partly because she’d just appeared in his life and made clear advances, which made it easy and comfortable for him to respond to. But also because she’d made a point of being nice to his kids.
Jana stared up at him from her pillow for a long time.
So long that Bradley finally prompted, “Tell me, sweetheart.”
“She pretends,” Jana whispered.
Bradley blinked. “What?”
“She pretends.”
His mind was in more of an uproar than ever as he tried to figure out where this was coming from and what it meant. Never for an instant would he dream of arguing with her. She believed what she believed. “What does she pretend?”
Jana nibbled on her bottom lip, clearly anxious about his reaction to what she was saying. “I don’t know. She just pretends.”
“Okay. Okay.” He was thinking frantically as he spoke. “We’ll both think about this some and talk about it again soon. Is that okay?”
“Yes, that’s okay.”
“And you’ll tell me if she does anything that upsets or bothers you, right?”
“Yes.”
“Maybe when you get to know her better, you’ll change your mind.”
“Maybe.” Jana said the word because she was a sweet, accommodating child. Not because she believed it. Bradley could see the truth in her face.
She didn’t like Gayle. She didn’t think she was genuine.
In the back of his mind, Bradley had figured it would be good for his kids if he were to get remarried because they’d have someone else in their life besides him. But it wouldn’t be good at all if they didn’t love her. Or even like her.
What the hell was even happening here?
His life had been all put together before he came to Azalea, and now, two days later, it felt like everything had fallen apart.
It wasn’t Ariana’s fault. Obviously. But Bradley couldn’t help but think she was somehow at the center of all this emotional disruption.
And now he was going to have to try to deal with it.
BRADLEY WAS STILL WORRYING the following morning, but his kids were both cheerful and giggling over breakfast. Gayle was still sleeping, so he and Katherine made pancakes, and Ford and Jana decorated them with berries and whipped cream.
Everyone was in a good mood, and he started to hope that Jana’s confession last night was a passing whim. Maybe it wasn’t the warning sign he’d taken it as.
It was nice to be in a relationship. Casual sex didn’t seem like a good idea in his situation, but he did actually like to have sex. And a girlfriend who didn’t require much emotional investment seemed ideal.
He wasn’t going to find a woman to love the way he’d loved Celeste, and he didn’t even want to. He wanted easy and comfortable, and Gayle offered him that.
So maybe Jana would learn to like her.
When Katherine talked about the various events happening in Azalea for the holidays, Jana’s eyes got wide when the little beauty pageant was mentioned. Bradley could see it coming as the girl asked questions, so he wasn’t a bit surprised when she turned to him with wide eyes and said, “Can I be in it?”
“Oh. I don’t know. It might be too late to sign up. It’s coming up in just a week, isn’t it?” He glanced over at Katherine for help.