Before I know it, we’re stopped in front of our new house and Roman is climbing out to open Mary’s door. Standing on the sidewalk, his hand on the handle of my door as well, he looks at me for a second. He holds my gaze for just a brief moment, not long enough for Mary to say anything, but I see it. Something flashes behind his eyes. Something like fear. What does Roman King, the star quarterback of Kenton High, have to be afraid of?
My door opens at the same time as Mary’s, though Roman offers her a hand down while I step down on my own. It’s expected to happen that way. He holds her hand as he leads her to the porch, with me following along behind them.
I have to admit, he’s nice to her. Holds her hand, opens doors, kisses her forehead. I can see why she likes him if this is the only side of him that she’s seen. But I’ve seen a different side and it’s hard to make the two sides of him meet in the middle. It doesn’t make sense. Is he actually a good person or not?
They stop on the porch to talk, and I step around them to head into the house. On my way past, his hand brushes mine, just for a second, and my heart pounds. Turning, I look over my shoulder at him and he’s watching me.
“Go out with me again.” His head is lowered like he’s talking to Mary, but his eyes are on me.
I force myself to swallow past the lump in my throat, waiting for her answer. If she says yes, I’ll be forced to come too. She knows that as well as I do.
Mary leans into him, her hands settling on his waist, and his eyes flinch. If I wasn’t watching him so closely, I wouldn’t have seen it, so I doubt she noticed. She raises up on her toes and brushes her lips against his softly.
“Absolutely.”
He smiles and drops his gaze back down to Mary. A breath I didn’t know I was holding is expelled from my lungs and I quickly make my way into the house and into my room. Throwing myself onto my bed, I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling.
What am I going to do?
Picking up my Bible from my desk, I hug it to my chest and roll onto my side with my back facing the door.
Please help me, Lord. I need Your strength, Your guidance, Your love. Please lead me with Your light through this. I’m not strong enough to make it on my own. I know I need You in my heart and in my life to lead me, as all good fathers do for their sons.
The pressure on my chest is excruciating as I try to keep my sobs quiet. Tears stream down my face and soak my pillow as I rip my heart open. I can’t be around Roman. He makes me want things I can’t have.
My family deserves a whole son, not this broken shell of a boy that I am. Help me do better. Show me what I need to do. Please.
I fall asleep with tears still wet on my face, a sadness in my heart that I fear will never leave, and an emptiness no girl will ever fill.
Chapter Twelve
Roman
After dropping off Mary and Jonah, I head to Taylor’s to hang out. Any reason not to head home is a good one.
Taylor has been my best friend since kindergarten. I know this house as well as I know my own, and even though it’s much smaller, it’s comfortable. I’m not waiting for my father to come home and start throwing things or screaming at Momma. I can relax here.
Sitting in his room, him on the bed and me leaning against it, we’re killing aliens in Halo and drinking beer.
“Die, fucker!” Taylor yells at the screen at a particularly tough beast. “Eat my dick, motherfucker!”
I laugh as I take up my position as a sniper and take the beast down with one shot in the back of the head.
“Hey! I had that fucker!” he yells at me as I laugh.
“You were five seconds from being ripped in half.” I take a drink from my beer and set the bottle back on the bedside table. “You can say ‘thank you’ at any time. I saved your life.”
“I’ve got your ‘thank you’ right here,” he mumbles.
I chuckle at him again.
“How was your date? I assume since you’re here riding my ass, you didn’t get laid.”
Jonah’s face pops into my head. When he came back into the theater and didn’t sit with us, I was furious. I wanted him next to me—no, needed him next to me. I don’t understand it at all. I’ve never been possessive of a girl I dated. Why is he different?
Taylor smacks the back of my head. “I said, how was your date?”
“Ow, fucker.” I rub the spot he hit. “It was fine. We saw the new Marvel movie and got burgers. I drove them out to show them the tunnel.”
“Oh.” His tone goes quiet.
He knows the stories of what’s happened out there. None of them are happy ones. The one I told Jonah and Mary was just the tip of the iceberg. From what we know, it was the first death, but it wasn’t the last, and there has been other shit that’s happened there. It breeds death and destruction.
“I figured it would interest them, seeing as they ain’t from around here.” I shrug like it isn’t a big deal, but I wanted to see how they would react to the place.
Some people are drawn to the darkness, while others are afraid of it. It seems like Jonah is the former, while Mary is the latter. It makes sense, though. Mary is sweet, innocent, and pure, while Jonah has been taught that what he feels is wrong, shameful, and destined for hell.
Taylor and I don’t say much else as we finish the level. We set our controllers down and I stand. I lift my bottle up to chug the rest of the bitter brew, and Taylor smacks my stomach. Pain explodes across my abdomen and I choke on my drink, coughing and sputtering while my ribs scream at me.
“Fuck,” I breathe out, bent over my knees with my arm across my ribcage.
Taylor jumps from the bed. “Shit! Dude, I’m sorry.”
My breathing is wheezy for a minute before the pain settles enough for me to stand. I don’t need to see his face to know he feels like shit. He knows what I deal with at home, but it’s not always this fucking bad.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.” I brush him off.
He doesn’t need to feel bad. He was fucking around, nothing more.
“That wasn’t the reaction of someone who’s fine.” He stands in front of me with his arms crossed over his chest, feet planted. “Let’s see it.”
Knowing it’s no use arguing, I lift my shirt and show him the purple and black splotches that make up most of my torso.
“Holy fuck!” Taylor reaches out like he’s going to touch me, but I grab his wrist to stop him. “Have you had a doctor look at that?”
“You know I didn’t. What would I tell them? I slipped and fell?” I scoff at him, dropping my shirt.
“At least let my mom look. You know you can trust her.”
Taylor’s mom is a nurse, and she’s patched me up before. I can see how much it hurts her to do it, so I don’t come around for help unless I really need it.
“There’s nothing she can do about broken ribs.” I grab my phone and keys and turn toward the door. “I’m gonna call it a night. See you at church tomorrow?”
“What?” He sounds so surprised that I turn to look at him with a smirk. “You’re going to church tomorrow?”
“It was a condition of taking the preacher’s daughter out on a date.”